Why are women 35+ disliked so much?

[TheP0]

Hi this is not an inflammatory question. i want some perspective. Mean no offence to anyone.

society deems women over 35 as unattractive, not fertile, unwanted women, women who get no male interest etc and men most likely just like younger women cos they are hardwired for it and wont see you or want you the same way. Theres no chance for you if 35+ etc. For men it's not a problem if they 35+

How do women over 35 accept this? Is it just a fad that society promotes or is it real?

I’m 40 and a mum.

Admittedly I don’t get as much male attention as I used to, but then again I don’t go to bars / clubs anymore or seek male attention out (I’m married)

But I still get attention, eg my neighbours had some workmen in this week and a younger, fairly attractive one was definitely flirting with me.

I exercise, I’m conscious of what I wear and make an effort to stay in shape & not become “frumpy” ( sorry I know Mumsnet doesn’t like that word). I do a lot of sports like mountain biking which keep things fun and I still feel like a young, fun person, I definitely don’t feel like I’m past it, so my internal perception of myself probably helps.

@TheP0 I don’t think it’s real, it’s just how society is set up. Fading fertility = less attractive biologically to a male = less value in society on a basic evolutionary level.

I think the media etc supports this and actually woman too tend to date older men. That’s, in my opinion, less down to the fact that men can still ‘get’ younger women and more down to the fact that due to the narrative above, men tend to want to settle down later as they have no biological need to do it sooner, and therefore mature in that way later on.

i don’t agree that women over 35 are unattractive. I actually find women in their fifties some of the most attractive people out there.

@MintJulia
’didn't have that experience until I was about 50 in terms of male attention, and my career is still going at 59.’

so you agree that men pretty much ignore women over 50 ? Or treat them as the OP said ?

i think there’s definate truth in men being much harder on women their own age as they get older than women are on men as they age … but who cares what men think ! , as someone here succinctly put it once - most of them would fuck a sick of you put some lipstick on it

I think the OP is just raising an issue that many people would recognise. Not sure why she is being called dumb and other unpleasant things. So unpleasant. Anyway some of the answers are interesting.

Is that you Leonardo DiCaprio??

It's the Male equivalent of I won't date short men.

It's just misogyny. A ridiculous number of men genuinely believe that a woman has nothing to offer aside from her sexual attractiveness. I see this thinking especially prevalent amongst younger men my age (20s) in male-dominated fields who believe that the future of men is in tech or fintech while the future of women lies in only fans.

This.

society deems women over 35 as unattractive, not fertile, unwanted women

It's less so now, but I think that 'society' is still male dominated thinking. I do think that a lot of men still think of women in terms of relevance. If you are not relevant to them (you are not a family member, nor are you of sexual interest to them), unless you fit one of those two broad categories, you you as well be invisible.

The OP is not making this judgment. The OP is making an obervation as to what they've seen in society and questioning that. However, looking at the comments, it seems like may on here are a bit defensive so I see commments like 'Well I have an AMAING career in management, thank you very much, and I get loads of attention from the younger men on my street'!! Well done you, but a lot of women do feel overlooked once they are on the wrong side of 35. I'm not sure if the world of dating apps are that divorced from real life. These are real men, and A LOT of women will tell you on here that these men are looking for women well over a decade younger than themselves, even if it's nothing to do with having children or fertility.

AMAZING*

Not fertile.

Given 90% of women 39 and under who are trying to conceive fall pregnant within 2 yrs ... they'r a bit out on that.

The 35 cliff is fake. Dumb people who can't understand that fertility declines at an increasingly faster rate from 35 but does not in any way fall off a cliff ...keep perpetuating it. Fertility at 35 could he be as high as 15% chance per cycle. It's 20-25% chance per cycle at absolute peak.

Men love perpetuating it too, because so many of them adore any stick to beat women with and try to feel superior over them about.
Well fertiluty clinic won't take sperm from men over 39, sometimes younger too... go figure.

I'm 38 and apparently the spitting image of JK Rowling, let's face it the woman is a fucking powerhouse so it's a huge compliment! I am single because I have boundaries, intolerance and standards. If the right one comes along great, but good luck convincing me he'll be worth it 👍

My antenatal class was populated by mid 30s and late 30s women. One 27 yr old was the youngest in it.

Go on pregnancy choices - every week a 40 something (early 40s, sometimes mid) is on the pregnant, and not happy to be because they've believed the BS and didn't protect themselves against pregnancy.

I agree withthe pp who said to ignore the media and look around you, you might get a different feel of the state of things. There's an age gap between me and my DH but ALL of the couples I know they are all age mates.

As for more general feelings of dislike, I feel this way.

This isn't my experience at all. Met dp when I was 40 doing OLD , I never noticed less interest after I hit 35, and at 40 I still had plenty of attention although I'm fairly average looking. There is a lot wrong with society's attitude to women but I don't agree that ceasing to rate them after 35 is a thing. Also know tonnes of women who had babies post 35 ( including me) and haven't encountered anyone who thinks it's weird/ too old.

I felt more marginalised and vulnerable when I was <35 tbh.

I just need to voice what happened to me yesterday and the difference as to how I saw it and how my DP Interpreted it.
I walked past a building site yesterday and approx 20 men chanted 'who let the dogs out'. My DP thinks they just thought it was funny but I felt that it ran deeper than that.
I was walking to a meeting and I know that I was dressed smartly and I'm now in my late 40's with a confidence that only comes from age and experience and I guess I was at odds with the environment around me which was quite run down. I genuinely believe that they took one look at me, thought I looked a bit too happy and confident and just wanted to put me back in my place and feeling shit about myself. I never thought it would bother me so much but it did. It does.

*Dumb people who can't understand that fertility declines at an increasingly faster rate from 35 but does not in any way fall off a cliff

I should clarify, fertility declines constantly, its because its falling from a 15% risk per cycle down to 1/2% per cycle from around 35 to 42 or so that doctors tried to make women aware they would be wise not to delay from around 35 if they def want kids. Not anywhere near the same as not being fertile.

These are averages too - some women (I know 3 of them) will fall pregnant mid 40s.

special "I genuinely believe that they took one look at me, thought I looked a bit too happy and confident and just wanted to put me back in my place and feeling shit about myself."

that is exactly what it is.

I keep thinking I should start a thread...men are terrifying at the moment. I always find them scary but something is making it worse.

I've had zero interest from any men after I hit 50, I'm 60 now. My ex left for a younger woman as soon as the menopause started.
Luckily I'm 100% self reliant and have my own house, career, pension. I have lots of friends that are either women or gay men. Non gay men seem terrified by me and quite honestly I have no interest in them unmarried men my age are generally quite pathetic.

I don’t think women over 35 are treated like this ( except perhaps by men no sane woman would want a relationship with anyway) so I cope just fine thanks!

Anyone who would behave like that is a nasty, dumb, cruel, bullying, low rent wanker. Not worth thinking about and not worth being affected by.

Thank you. That means a lot to have my feelings validated. I have never experienced that and the fury that followed.

I am 69 and supremely uninterested in whether men like me or not. The people I hang out with mostly are women my age and they are in the main interesting and interested people. I could not give a flying fuck about men.

Love this and agree.

it’s like loads of things as you get older, the priorities change for most people.

also I’ve read a load of stuff online myself about the ‘rules of tinder / internet dating’ and how it reduces men and women to their looks value, and I’m glad I didn’t have this growing up.

35 is no age! We are just coming into our prime then! FFS women in their 40s /50s are not "ignored" in RL OLD is a shallow place ,most women meet someone outside of this cesspit .My own DD came off and felt happier for it!