He refuses to go!

[Isittrueornot]

He just won’t leave! I’m going to be screwed!

Not married (yes I know I’m stupid, I’ll be ensuring my daughters done make the same mistake)! My income is very low and I can’t afford the mortgage and bills on my own so will need to look for a job when the kids go back to school in a month and just coast into debt until then. I’m terrified!!

It’s joint mortgage, he won’t leave. He has family close by who he can go stay with but refuses too. My family are 200 miles away and with the kids school here isn’t a option. My family don’t have room for us to stay but his does as they are well off with a big childhood home.

If we sell the house I’ll have 100k which isn’t enough to house me and 2 kids, I can’t get the mortgage as my income is so low it’s pathetic, I’m on such a low wage.

He just wants to stay as I’m trapped here and given enough time he thinks we will just end up back together as we live together, that’s why he won’t leave. I’m trapped here and 12 years until the youngest is 18 and I don’t want to live with an ex for 12 years because I can’t afford to live alone!!!

Please someone tell me what to do. How can I ensure a secure place to live for me and the kids here so they can attend their current schools!! South east london so you get the gist of my housing problem-no one is even getting a garage for 100k around here let alone a flat/small house. Please tell me what to do!!

OP, no one is saying thay don't understand where you're coming from, they're saying that what you want is not something that the courts will give you. Posters are trying to tell you what options are available to you if his stance is 'stay with me or sell the house'. PP are also telling you that if you move to buy in an affordable area and it's too far away and he objects, then you could find yourself in trouble.

No one's saying he should get it all his own way, they're saying that you need to be aware that at the moment he seems the be holding all the cards. All the things you want would need him to agree, and it sounds like he won't.

You need to modify what you want to do, to be within the framework of what is considered reasonable by the courts, or you could find he takes you to court and you have to undo whatever moves you may have made.

Yes, @GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut has summed it up perfectly. The only thing I would add to that is, if you think he would happily agree to every other weekend and therefore allow you to move further away, then be sure to get that in writing and move on it fast. Because he could change his mind at any point. This happened to me. Ex went from every other weekend to 50/50 once he realised how much money he'd have to pay me!

Ex went from every other weekend to 50/50 once he realised how much money he'd have to pay me!

I have heard of that happening a lot!

I don’t think it’s anything to do with what a ‘decent’ man should or shouldn’t be doing. Both OP and the partner have equal rights to the house and one cant expect the other to leave just because they say so.

And how will they be housed the 50% time they are with me?

If you can't house them, then you wouldn't get 50% of the time with them.

In England it makes a difference if you’re married for a reason. It’s a choice to have children if you’re not married, one OP and her ex made.

It's like everyone is bending over backwards to suit him

Hardly. The OP just wants him to move in with his mum and is really cross that he doesn’t want to.

There is obviously a huge difference between our 2 countries in relation to family law, so legal advice is definitely needed ASAP.
I don't think he should just walk away with nothing but he doesn't sound like he's being reasonable either and thinking about whats best for their children ! The disruption of moving away , changing schools etc , he needs to start compromising more I feel !

Of course he's being reasonable! He needs to be able to live somewhere for when the children are with him. It's not clear on the childrens ages but it seems the youngest is 6 so not like they're being moved in the middle of GCSE's.

It's sad circumstances that they live in a really expensive area but if neither of them can afford to buy the other out then there's only one obvious solution.

Of course he’s not going to move out and live at his mother’s indefinitely, in the hope that you’ll one day be able to take over the mortgage. His mother may be willing to have him, but most people would rather take their share of equity to rebuild themselves, and not have to live back with their parents for the foreseeable. There is a difference between living with you parents in the short term immediately post divorce, and having to live with them for years whilst you pay a mortgage on a house you’re not living in.

He can’t stop you moving wherever you choose, but he can prevent you taking children. If you did go ahead and buy hundreds of miles away he could, in court, argue that the children are settled and supported by (his) family in the area you’re in and fight for majority residence on that basis. If he was the main carer whilst you were the breadwinner, this could support such a claim.

You not being able to afford London does not mean that you would be given the green light to move hundreds of miles away. There are areas within reasonable traveling distance of London where you could afford to buy. However you do seem to think that your business will pick back up and you will be able to buy him out eventually. If your business picks up as you expect it to, that means that you would also be likely to be able to cover rent (rather than be homeless because the 100k has gone).

As you say it is what the law says. They aren't married he is entitled to to what it says in the deeds. No less

As angry as you may feel, it’s not going to change the reality you face. He’s not going to acquiesce to your wishes because you’re mad at him, no matter how ‘right’ you consider yourself to be. Whether you like it or not you have to look at the options that you do have available to you, and act based on those.

Do not be pig headed and act according to what you think you should be able to do, because that will bite you on the ass.

Maybe it’s the OP who needs to compromise. She wants sole custody, sole use of the house, and to not be expected to lay for it, while he’s supposed to walk away with nothing and live in his parents’ house.

She must be on drugs if she thinks this is a reasonable starting point.

Maybe it’s the OP who needs to compromise. She wants sole custody, sole use of the house, and to not be expected to lay for it, while he’s supposed to walk away with nothing and live in his parents’ house.

Absolutely this! It's madness to expect this. And unfair.

In the nicest way, when you split, you need to focus on what you need in your new life, and what's best for your DC
When your house is valued it'll will clarify your options, but you have to accept you will have to compromise
Leaving aside access for a second
Research what you can actually get for 100k in whatever radius you think is doable. Throwing some ideas, Kent Sussex Berkshire Wiltshire.
The shared ownership will not work( I have tried this) as although your deposit is good.. it also requires a higher income.
My situation was slightly similar although my DC are older( and housed elsewhere)
I had to buy a tiny flat in a different area/ country for the best outcome
Don't do anything major at the moment, just plan
See if you can discuss contact with your DP... Forget where he will live.. That's up to him
If it does go to court You can show the reasonable efforts you have made for the best outcome for DC, which is a priority for both parents
Hope this makes sense, as I say, My DC were not part of access arrangements

I've just looked and there are properties in Suffolk for £100k for example

This quote should be linked to when women are considering giving up work / sacrificing career progression for a 17 year relationship without married protection