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Original poster

Why would he be wearing his 'sexy' underwear to work?

396 replies

Excuses5000 · 04/08/2022 22:14

I've NC for this as it's embarrassing.

So my partner works nights in a manual labour job and always has done. Tonight before he left he bent down to give our DD a kiss goodnight and I noticed he was wearing certain underwear.

He only ever wears that underwear when sex is on the cards. He bought it entirely for my benefit or so I thought. It doesn't do much for me to be honest as I'm not particularly into extravagant pants but there we go.

They're not 'everyday' boxers and definitely not the sort of thing you'd want on display to your colleagues which would definitely be the case as there's alot of bending and lifting in his job. Think moving boxes etc.

It took me by surprise so I asked him why he was wearing his "sexy" underwear to work. He said "I'm not" to which I replied that I'd just seen them.

He was tripping over himself to explain how its because they're comfortable and airy. He sweats alot at work and gets hot. He then went on to say that he had put a towel in his bag aswell to use to wipe his head and face when he gets too hot.

Based on my OP alone would you find it suspicious?

OP posts:
HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 05/08/2022 13:12

The OP is not controlling! She has been hurt by him cheating previously and the wearing of sexy pants to work then his response made her suspicious. I hope you have managed to clear things up, OP, and feel better.

jl2879 · 05/08/2022 13:13

Sorry but definitely suspicious. Over explaining is also suspect.

Lozzerbmc · 05/08/2022 13:34

OP I dont think you are controlling at all. He’s had an affair so he’s let you down badly so stands to reason you feel the way you do.

its the over explaining that its the massive red flag - guilty people talk ….

hewouldwouldnthe · 05/08/2022 14:00

Of course OP is not controlling. When someone has betrayed your trust by cheating they have no right to expect that trust again. She was suspicious for a reason, got a lot of shifty answers, and 'reassure me I'm not rumbled' texts.

He's most likely cheating again.

FlosCampi · 05/08/2022 14:04

I imagine that underwear on any non-model man must look like a couple of squid fighting in a satsuma net.

(Sorry OP I am sympathetic and hope it becomes clear what the situation is, and how you will react accordingly, it's just the mental image is distracting.)

mam0918 · 05/08/2022 14:25

Honestly most of the time when im wearing dressier/sexier knickers its becaues my regular ones arent clean or put away or I was just rushing and not paying attention and I grabbed whats there... certainly no affair in my life lol.

I cant say I ever notice what underwear my DH is wearing but I can safely say I have never seen any 'sexy' mens underwear on any man lol.

I mean what is sexy male underwear? clean and no holes? the elastic still works? maybe a touch tighter than the old grey baggies?

Unless you talking a bedazzled sparkly g-string in which case I would be more wondering if hes side hustling as a chippendale lol.

2bazookas · 05/08/2022 14:35

Lets just say, his "sexy" underwear should have a very tragic accident next time it goes through the washing machine. Boil washed and shrunk with something pink, chewed up by the dog. Crotch cut out.

Sallyh87 · 05/08/2022 14:39

Lacy boxers?! And multiple pairs?

Potentially, he just enjoys wearing them. Which is odd I grant you, but I can’t imagine many people find such things sexy. So I don’t think another woman would be encouraging it.

Amandamum2be · 05/08/2022 14:43

From reading this I think it’s probably totally innocent. He probably likes wearing them, feels good and sexy. Was embarrassed when you called him out and was paranoid you were suss when there was nothing to worry about so was over compensating.

people on here are very quick to jump to the worst conclusion. If the boxers are the only indication of any issue at all I would laugh it off and forget about it until he gives you another reason to doubt him.

it sounds like you’ve done a really good job of forgiveness in the past which says a lot about you. Try not to undo that with other peoples opinions on here - you will always know for yourself deep down what is right.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/08/2022 14:59

Honestly I think the "sexy pants" in themselves are not the red flag. The red flag is the fact that he's already had an affair. It's impossible to trust someone who's had an affair.

Whether he's having an affair or not, and I have no feeling one way or the other on this based what you've said, do you want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Life is too short to be with someone you don't trust.

WTF475878237NC · 05/08/2022 15:28

Hi OP. To me, there is only one reason someone trips over themselves with lots of nonsense or extra detail when asked a simple question. Regardless of what happened when you spoke on the phone, his behaviour before he left for work reeks of guilt to me.

Mummyofmaniacs · 05/08/2022 15:43

let him think you believe him - if you alert him now, all evidence will be hidden
apologise for not trusting him - be extra sweet and sorry for accusing him
wait at least four weeks .....act normally - no sarky comments
then very quietly start checking phone
and watch him

your gut feeling will tell you anyway
it just feels better to know definitely as he will do his damnedest to make you think it's your imagination
good luck
(and remember there are lots of lovely ones out there waiting for you)

Sswhinesthebest · 05/08/2022 15:52

It’s the not having the nap that hasn’t been explained by his plausible later explanation.

Samarie123 · 05/08/2022 16:11

OP do you have a picture of the sexy pants or more of a description? I just can’t imagine finding see through or lacy pants on a man attractive. I know we are all different.
just keep an eye on other behaviour.

Percypigmystery · 05/08/2022 16:20

So he had his older DC today and took them back quite late (8pm when he starts work at 10pm)
**
To his ex’s house?

Original poster
Excuses5000 · 05/08/2022 16:27

Percypigmystery · 05/08/2022 16:20

So he had his older DC today and took them back quite late (8pm when he starts work at 10pm)
**
To his ex’s house?

Yes his exes.

She has a partner and is currently pregnant though. I don't think she would be at all interested in playing away with him.

He was there and back within 25 mins which is how long it takes to drive there and back and there's no way they could have done anything around DSC.

I'm pretty sure the pants were put on after his shower before work, so after he had been to his exes.

OP posts:
Hopefullysoon2022 · 05/08/2022 16:38

What did he say when he came home this morning @Excuses5000

excellentday · 05/08/2022 17:04

The pants themselves could mean anything. Perhaps they are comfy.
The over explaining, seems a bit odd though. And his text to you when he had left.

If he normally takes a nap and goes into work later, but didn't yesterday (which you say is totally out of the norm), is it possible he could have seen his OW (if he has one) before going to work his shift, but arriving on his shift at the later time as is the norm? And coincides with when he sent you the pictures.

Didn't you say he messaged, then went quiet for some time and then sent you the pictures from work a bit later?

The fact he has cheated before, means he has brought the suspiciion on himself tbh. And something has leapt out at you saying, this isn't right.

Could he have taken the DSC home later than normal on complete purpose, so he had a reason not to have time to take his usual nap? And would seem normal then for him to leave for work at the regular time.

I think given the circumstances, I'd try and find out:
a.) If he contacted his boss that afternoon/early evening (this will determine if he did in fact call to say he'd be late on shift. If he went at normal time he'd have no need to contact them)
b.) What time he really turned up at work (do they have timesheets or anything?)
c.) If his towel was sweaty or smelling like a lovely fresh shower.
d.) How often and what days he freshly showers and wears his sexy pants to work. Maybe there is a pattern.

Hopefully its all just because he likes wearing his sexy pants, though.

Nameandgamechange123 · 05/08/2022 17:13

Totally repulsed by the idea of sex pants

GoanVolkov · 05/08/2022 17:17

I remain convinced that the actual problem is his previous infidelity. OP is, understandably, hyper alert for signs that he's doing it again. And he is hyper alert and excessively keen to reassure her that he's not. The lack of trust is the real problem here, not whether he's having an affair (which I don't think he is, btw).

There are too many people on MN who are very quick to feed an OP's anxiety, especially when it's about infidelity.

OP, do you honestly think it's worth continuing in a relationship in which you are scrutinising and analysing and worrying about what your partner is up to? That's more of an issue than why he's wearing his sex pants on any specific day. In fact, I'd guess that the sex pants aren't going to be a turn on to any (other) woman.

Percypigmystery · 05/08/2022 17:22

She has a partner and is currently pregnant though. I don't think she would be at all interested in playing away with him.
He was there and back within 25 mins which is how long it takes to drive there and back and there's no way they could have done anything around DSC.
I'm pretty sure the pants were put on after his shower before work, so after he had been to his exes.

Ah, that’s good. I think he could well be innocent, but sorry that it has caused such turmoil for you x

speakout · 05/08/2022 17:37

Sorry but I can't get past the idea of a man having sexy pants.

I don't even have sexy pants.
Every man I have known intimately usually has a sad collection of grundies.
Worn out, saggy elastic, often with a farty blowhole in the back.
If I conjure up an idea of male sexy pants I envisage S&M, gay bar, leather jockstrap type garment.

Perhaps I am missing out.

Macbeth8 · 05/08/2022 18:06

@Excuses5000

Have you had a chance to snoop at his phone today?
How is he being with you?

Cassandrainthenight · 05/08/2022 18:09

I haven't read all the messages, but @Excuses5000 if there were some in the washing machine, it must be that he had been wearing them during the previous week like he claims to, and that you haven't noticed?
Whether he wore them for comfort and just got embarrassed, or for "sexy times" who knows...but he did wear them as he says.

Also, if he has DC from a previous relationship, what was the reason for that relationship's breakdown? He didn't cheat on the mother of his DC, did he?

simonthedog · 05/08/2022 18:56

I think he had arranged to go into work later like he would normally do when having the DC. But then hasn't told you he is starting later and has met someone first. Then has gone to work at the later time he had arranged with his boss. So is able to send the photos.