Why would he be wearing his 'sexy' underwear to work?

[Excuses5000]

I've NC for this as it's embarrassing.

So my partner works nights in a manual labour job and always has done. Tonight before he left he bent down to give our DD a kiss goodnight and I noticed he was wearing certain underwear.

He only ever wears that underwear when sex is on the cards. He bought it entirely for my benefit or so I thought. It doesn't do much for me to be honest as I'm not particularly into extravagant pants but there we go.

They're not 'everyday' boxers and definitely not the sort of thing you'd want on display to your colleagues which would definitely be the case as there's alot of bending and lifting in his job. Think moving boxes etc.

It took me by surprise so I asked him why he was wearing his "sexy" underwear to work. He said "I'm not" to which I replied that I'd just seen them.

He was tripping over himself to explain how its because they're comfortable and airy. He sweats alot at work and gets hot. He then went on to say that he had put a towel in his bag aswell to use to wipe his head and face when he gets too hot.

Based on my OP alone would you find it suspicious?

Very suspicious. Especially if he was nervously trying to find reasons as to why he wears them. A normal reaction would be: "I just feel comfortable in them, bye hun".
And that he is suddenly being so nice is even more suspicious. Like if he felt guilty for something.

Is your hot country a dictatorship by any chance?

This is what I’m thinking.

I’m surprised at all of the posters saying to go there and catch him out as l really don’t think he would have gone ahead as planned and OP would have turned up at his work looking stupid and paranoid.

I personally would apologise and not mention it again.
Give it a few days until his guard starts dropping again and then do some snooping.

He knows you’re on to him so he’s going to be extra careful at the minute and you probably won’t find anything.

His reaction is more telling than the underwear.
If my DH accused me of cheating whilst I was working I’d not be sending him lovey dovey texts.
I’d want nothing to do with them until they’d apologised and I’d be re-thinking the relationship.

I can’t see why any women would find lace underwear sexy.
I probably wouldn’t be looking at just the women he’s around.

FWIW I wear ‘sexy’ underwear all of the time as I find then comfortable but when I was the OW my partner would always wear nice boxers to come and see me and it turned out these weren’t the sort of boxers he’d wear at home with his wife. So I think you’re right to feel suspicious.

^ This ^

Just to also add, completely understand why you are suspicious OP. I also read his reaction and messages as that he was panicking and worried because he knew where your mind was going to go, not necessarily that he was cheating. I would also do as is suggested above, lie low, be watchful but say nothing, carry on as normal, but note everything that he is doing. There is a family to think about at the end of the day. MN is always quick to LTB and he's cheating (mainly because of those posters own experiences). Really hope you are ok OP, big hugs. 💐

I think the lying and over explaining makes it's suspicious. I think you being suspicious shows you don't trust him.

He could have been to see ow before or after work, I know someone who did just that.

I would be slightly suspicious about lying about the sex pants, but I’d be more suspicious about his overcompensating and the towel (I would bet my right arm it’s for a covert willy wash after he’s dtd).

He’ll be on best behaviour now so I would leave it for now and try and find out more when he’s dropped his guard a bit.

I am in the menz sexy underwear boak camp. 🤔

Laziness. I frequently lapse on laundry and once wore crotchless knickers to work due to it being the only clean pair

If you have access to his phone can you switch on his location staring with you? I think you can set it via text or WhatsApp so it shares until someone switches it back off.

This is such a strange one. You’re definitely right to be suspicious. X

It sounds to me as if his previous affair is the real problem here, OP.

I sometimes wear 'sexy' underwear to do nothing more exciting than go to Tesco. It makes me feel more confident. I quite often wear silk French knickers on ordinary warm days because they are more airy. I'd be very embarrassed and more than a bit pissed off if my DH were quizzing me about why I was wearing them and started asking me to send selfies to prove that I was actually pushing a trolley round Tesco.

I sympathise with you about the previous affair, though. Perhaps you both still need to work through that.

'Man grills woman on the underwear she chooses to wear to work' - Controlling misogynistic pig, get his financials and divorce him - red flag alert

Maybe he wears them because they make him feel good. I wouldn’t jump to conclusions tbh

This is the problem cheaters create for themselves. If their partner (very kindly) forgives them, the cheater must remember that their partner will be extra sensitive to any future changes in behaviour. Months, years, may go by and everything may seem back to normal. But then there's a trigger, and the cheater must accept that they will be questioned.
@Excuses5000 he has no right to be angry or upset at you. Your suspicions are entirely warranted. I have to say I think all his explanations are plausible. But he must remember to view it from your perspective, and not from his perspective. It is his job to continually reassure you that he is doing everything in his power to make you happy and to not cheat you again.

OP no offence- but you clearly do not trust him - why are you with him??

I'm sure she did trust him until he lied about wearing the sex pants. Then it was a pantomime of bluster, enough to make the most trusting of wives think WTF is going on.

This could also be for taking and sending ‘sexy’ selfies from the loo while at work. Trust me - that goes on A LOT. If you get into his phone, it now won’t be obvious unless he’s a total dunce. What phone does he have?

i would go to settings and search what apps have used most of his battery life under the ‘battery’ section. Even if he’s deleting and reinstalling an app, it will show there. Have you been through his bedside lockers, drawers (no pun intended!) etc? If its an Iphone, the most used apps and recently downloaded will be in his App Store history.

Do not discount the fact that this is probably going on AT work.

also… he could have a cheap pay as you go mobile for this sort of stuff. I’ve seen it more times than I can count with blokes I’ve worked with :-(

Trust your gut OP. So sorry this is happening. Its totally shit.

I’d be so put off a fella if we were meeting up for a bonk and he’d worn “sexy” pants for me

Your updates about his comments re. chafing etc sound quite reasonable to me.

There's also a chance he might just get a little thrill out of wearing his sexy pants to work and he's embarrassed to admit that or feels guilty about it. I think it's a hell of a leap to assume that he's having an affair because of this one thing, even if he's cheated once before.

I think this is also one of those posts were there would be a very different reaction if the situation were reversed: "I have some really sexy underwear that I love and usually only really wear when sex is on the cards. But lately I thought 'Fuck it, I feel great wearing these knickers, they feel really lovely and I don't see why I should keep them just for sex, why can't I wear them just for me' and started wearing them for work. Now my DH says I must be having an affair, questioning me constantly about my underwear and and is making me send him photos to prove I'm at work and not in bed with another man. I've tried to reassure him by being extra nice, offering to pick stuff up for him on the way home from work etc, but he seems to think that's just more 'evidence' that I'm cheating on him."

I'm gutted but not surprised about the comments labelling me as controlling. It's true that if it were a man quizzing a woman about her underwear and asking for evidence that she's at work people would be saying she's in an abusive relationship.

I trusted him (again) completely before all of this 😔

Seriously...

How are you feeling now you've slept on it OP?

Would it not be like that though?
Imagine wearing your fave underwear and then finding out your boyfriend has been through your settings and battery usage to see what apps you have been using?!

How some people function in a relationship, even thinkging to do that is beyond me.

They're see through? 🤢
Arf at all the posters claiming he just wanted to wear his see through kecks as a "confidence booster" for a night's graft on the frozen fish aisle 🤣🤣🤣