Much younger woman staying with us...

[Idontknowwhattothink]

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

This!

She may have a back story that means she has few ways of relating to people- she feels she needs to secure attention from men because it keeps her safe, or whatever. Who knows.

Thing is, it sounds as though your husband is trying hard to behave well, and is showing excellent awareness of healthy boundaries. It's inappropriate of her.

I'd mention it to her boss, as he's asking for her to be allowed to stay longer.

Why?

Because women have nothing other than pert boobs and functioning ovaries to offer?

And 'compete' for whom, exactly? 52 year old Tim who works as a middle manager at Asda and comes complete with bald head, nasal hairs and middle aged spread? The young women can have him if they want him. Which they probably don't.

I had a young French student stay, from a language school. She was very tall and slender, and clearly used to walking around in her underwear. It was disarming because I'm from a more prudish family and didn't know where to look.
DH was out all hours at the time, so I was never concerned about that aspect of it.

Who knows why she’s doing it?

Could be daddy issues

Could be wallet issues

Could be she genuinely fancies him

Could be she’s one of those (few) women whose self worth is bound up in having every man fancy them

(Personally my bet is on number 4 but who knows).

The important things are 1) your DH does not respond - which he’s doing pretty well at so far and 2) she moves out asap.

good luck! Hopefully something you can laugh about with your DH in years to come.

Definitely possible that she fancies him.

I had a really bad crush on Alan Titchmarsh when I was in my mid-twenties (he is 24 years older than me), I would blush if his name was even mentioned. I also had a relationship with a man 16 years older than me (who I think I fancied more than any other man before or since) - sadly short-lived as I found him a bit immature in some respects! I like men my own age now - late forties/early fifties...

Glad she's leaving soon OP.

I had a really bad crush on Alan Titchmarsh when I was in my mid-twenties (he is 24 years older than me), I would blush if his name was even mentioned.

🤣🤣🤣

The point is never bring a woman ugly or pretty into your home

I gasped at the sheer bonkers-ness of this post

Every woman's nightmare is a younger woman as it's impossible to compete

This one might be even madder though

As well as not having her back, I would be explaining to your friend, her boss exactly why. She's unprofessional if she acting this way on a work trip, and that should be pulled up, regardless of her age.if she's representing a company and acting in a way that could be deemed to show the company in a bad light, then that shouldn't be tolerated. And I'd also tell your friend that's exactly why you won't be extending her stay with you and she needs to go elsewhere

Tell her to put some clothes on.

That is very disrespectful behaviour, HIGHLY inappropriate, and very embarrassing for you and your partner and child.

Then when she is dressed tell her to leave.

You are observant OP and I went through the same about 5 years ago. Long story short, I lost my partner as he was flattered someone so much younger was attracted to him. This combined with him not being able to miss the fact that she barely covered herself in our home. Don’t allow her to stay another week, it’s looking for more trouble! I hope they don’t have each others numbers as her being blatantly into him within your home, will mean she won’t stop once she has left.

I would get her out. You know she fancies him but are trying to rationalise why she shouldn't. PLENTY of women chase men 30 years older and I wouldn't even bother trying to identify what her issues are. She is in your home and making a play.

I'd also speak to your DH about it. Of course he would be flattered. It's a shit situation but I wouldn't be embarrassed about calling it out. I also am not a particularly jealous person and have never had reason to speak to my DH about anything but this would be one conversation I would definitely have.

@InquiringMindsdid it last between them?

They broke up after a year together and he had the audacity to contact me and beg me to speak to her and tell her what a good guy he is!

He did not?!! WTF, had you been in contact with him all that time or what?

I would wager that a lot of men would find it difficult/conflicting to resist the relentless advances of a young women, - if he found her attractive, and would jump at the chance if given the opportunity, or fall in a moment of weakness.

DH is doing well to put in place the boundaries. It must be an extremely awkward situation for you both.

Ok she's not wearing negligee or anything like that. She has a fabulous figure which is barely covered. This is obviously how she dresses and good for her but there is no doubt whatsoever in my mind that my partner has noticed how goodlooking she is. I don't agree with the people saying that makes me jealous and insecure, I am stating facts. Given how surprised I am at her attention towards him, I can't imagine he is taking it in his stride.

I am not going to say anything to her as we have agreed to host her but I am not allowing her stay for an extended period. I will say we don't have availability.

I don't think my DH is old but I certainly would have twenty years ago. Similarly I would have no interest whatsoever now in the fellas who got my pulse racing back then. For those getting offended you would want to get a grip. He IS old compared to her.

I absolutely don't think he has slept with her or anything remotely physical has happened between them. I could be wrong. Certainly nobody here knows.

I went for a walk with him and we had a chat. I said she's making me uneasy and I didn't feel like that with any other guests. He said he doesn't think she's flirting with him, she behaves like his teenage daughters. I pointed out she's not a teenager and she's not his daughter. He said from his end he's done nothing whatsoever but agreed that it is very tiring hosting and we should not agree to the extension.

He did say this morning was lovely (we had a rare uninterrupted lie-in together) and can I try to be home for dinner as he really misses me and we need to make time for each other as a couple. So it ended up being quite a useful conversation.

Why an Earth isn't one of you saying "Can you sit on the other sofa Anna, there is no room here" / "No Anna, I am sitting here" / "Can you move Anna as I want to sit next to DH / DW for dinner"

I mean why are you both being so passive??

That's lovely OP, he sounds like a good'un!

LOL 😁😂😂 OP your next post is gonna be titled "My DH has run off with guest and left me alone with DC"

She comes in when we are sitting separately (for comfort) and sits beside him, then he moves saying he is sitting beside me.

In restaurants she always makes a beeline for the seat beside his then we do say no we are sitting beside each other, can you sit beside our child please.

I don't know what's going to happen when I'm sitting in the room but the returning back from her room to sit with him when I've gone to bed I do not like.

I think it sounds like she is making your Dh uncomfortable.

If I were you I'd speak to him and find out so you can support him in a plan where he doesb't have to be alone with her and where it's obvious he has no interst in her.

It's a diffiuclt position for a man to be in if he's tryin to do the right thing.
Quite a potentially dangerous one actually.
I'm not suprised he's nervous.

If that is the type of muppet he is then she's welcome to him.

What lovely lives they'd have - him estranged from his child and woman he loves navigating an immature university student with daddy issues and her living with a disloyal old man depressed because he misses his child and woman he loves.

On the other hand I would be absolutely fine. I'd have no problem being a single mum, my business is off to a great start and I've a strong career I can always return to, I have a good gang of friends and if I ever fancied dating again I don't think I'd be short of age-appropriate offers.

I'm not sure what your 'lol' is about though. I think the punchline is missing from your post.

Why are you bringing her out to restaurants with you anyway? She's just a lodger and doesn't work for you?

It's different. We are 'hosting' and get paid accordingly. Tbh it's not worth it and she's the wrong age. The last few guests were younger or older so either helped out more or stayed out of our way more.