Much younger woman staying with us...

[Idontknowwhattothink]

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

They do a bit though - you're probably leggy & lithe, long wavy hair and laid back style?

How much time could you DH and this woman have spent alone together in the first week she was staying over? You said yourself you had been working a lot. Is it beyond the realms of possibility something might have happened then?

Does he look like he has a guilty conscience when interacting with her, and trying to avoid her?

Like a previous poster said, his actions seem a little conflicting:

"If he does think she’s flirting - then why does he keep initiating lifts, sitting on a different sofa to OP knowing the guest will sit next to him, staying up late knowing she’ll also stay up late etc."

I've read that too. I suspect (purely my opinion) that these men often view women as an accessory, are dazzled by physical beauty and have very fragile egos. They would be easily led by flattery and attention.

For the record I definitely do not fall into that category of women in the looks stakes. I have never made money based on my appearance nor had the opportunity to.

However that does not make me the dowdy ET in Love Actually. I am attractive, glamorous (when I want to), feminine, sexy etc.

Why wouldn't I be? I'm 44 FFS, we don't expire past 32. My mother is turning 80 this year and she is still beautiful, stylish and elegant.

Not beyond the realms of possibility @Aikko no. They were together a good bit. I was paying little attention. Then something seemed slightly off.

He's not offering her lifts, sitting beside her or staying up late anymore. So yes, something could have happened the first or second week.

He could also be adjusting his behaviour to not upset me now I've voiced my concerns.

He is a kind person. He's not shallow either (not blind or immune to physical beauty either!)

As I said, I went through illness a few years ago which made me temporarily unrecognisable and he called me beautiful every single day.

Definitely laid back style haha not so lithe these days though unfortunately!

Jesus the misogyny! Firstly assuming the woman is "help" she's not, she's there on business trip! Then all the "be the best housewife to keep your man" shit.

Fucking hell, the 1950s called they want you back.

Yep.

I don't care if she's practising flirting, has daddy issues or genuinely sees a chance to grab a richer life with an older man. She needs to be told it's out of order!

I'd be having a short sharp word in her ear along the lines of "stop making doe eyes at my husband, he's not interested and it's disrespectful to us both. Cut it out or you're out today". And walk away.

I could not agree more.

Absolutely she could be massaging her own ego as @Festoonlights said she did in her youth (incidentally she still seems to want to put women in 'their place), she could genuinely like him or could want my life.

However it is also possible (however unlikely) that she is completely naive and childish, sits beside her dad at home so does the same with us, finds me less approachable so gravitates towards him.

I'm not convinced on which it is so it's been interesting to hear other people's opinions but I am not going to go ahead and make accusations to someone staying in my home.

And sadly, I cannot 100% hand on heart declare that my husband is not interested simply because I do not live inside his head.

Short of installing surveillance cameras I don't know what else I can do than look forward to her departure.

@Idontknowwhattothink Did you say it was tomorrow she was leaving?

I am not there but difficult to tell, but I don't think anything is going on.
Best she leaves and you all get on with your lives.

You sound great, there has been some real crap stated. here. I would give anything to look like Liz Hurley and we are the same age!

I think what it has given you is a bit of a wake up call in your marriage.
Take it as a chance to rekindle. Sounds like your husband was amazing when you were not well, so I suspect he is good man. Sounds like he is attractive you probably need to try and get the spark back between you if you want to.
Get rid of the nimble lithe 20 something year old and get some hot sex in. Then you can decide where your marriage goes from there.

No, still a few days to go - why? One concern now is that this feeling of not being sure what the situation is will go round my head.

Just reading this for the first time.

Op- you are not imagining it, trust your instincts. She is very obviously making a play for your husband.

Also shocked that the internalised misogyny on this thread, although I'm not surprised at some the posters spouting it.

It’s very telling you have interpreted the comparison with Emma Thompson’s character in Love Actually as with her appearance.

I took it to mean that her character in the movie is quite passive. That poster doesn’t know you, how on earth would they know if you look like Emma Thompson’s character?!

You are very focused on your looks and your DH’s and this woman’s.

You seem to be almost proud that this woman is after your DH. It’s all very odd.

They're a pair of academics (if I remember correctly) whose focus is all on their family unit. She is nurturing and supportive and very drab looking. She's surprised when she finds the jewellery - jewellery is a romantic gift.

His mistress on the other hand is younger, extremely glamorous, children, wears sexy underwear and their connection is all about lust. The two women are polar opposites, poorly developed one dimensional characters both of which are offensive to women IMO.

All that poster knew about me was my age and that was what she conjured up.

Most posters have also assumed my husband is wealthy and successful.

One assumed this woman was hired help and I needed to take the reins and start cooking for my husband again.

Cliches abounding, the majority of them sexist and ageist.

@Meraas proud this woman is after my husband? I've no idea if she is or not. Despite what I've observed I find the prospect quite unbelievable. That's why I sought other opinions. Based on the replies it's entirely possible.

It's really vile. But also quite sad.

On one hand there are the posters who assume that all young women are perpetually seeking validation while privately applauding their own youth and beauty.

I am genuinely baffled by this attitude.

What young person feels young? They don't know what it feels like to be older. Everyone of us is the oldest we have ever been and the youngest we will ever be.

My only attempt at understanding this attitude is my mother never moaned about ageing and was never envious of youth.

I was in my twenties once and thoroughly enjoyed them out partying and having lots of fun. I wasn't interested in what 40-something women were doing.

Now I'm in my 40s and thoroughly enjoy being settled and having a family.

I don't really understand this wanting to leap into a different agegroup and missing out on a stage of life. It seems alien to me which is why I cannot get my head around someone else potentially hankering after a 50-something year old man who is married with kids.

But as I've said already, we are all different.

Thanks very much for typing this out. I would also love to look like her, anyone making the comparison is obviously hoping to get lucky or needs to remove the alcohol goggles!

You're right about it being a wake-up call. There is definitely distance between us and that's what has been highlighted here. I'm not sure what the next steps are or how I feel about the relationship really.

They're a pair of academics (if I remember correctly) whose focus is all on their family unit.

But that is literally how you described yourselves. You said ‘sitting indoors with middle aged people potty training their child.’

She is nurturing and supportive and very drab looking. She's surprised when she finds the jewellery - jewellery is a romantic gift.

But the comparison was the way she is passive, not about her looks. I’m not saying it’s an accurate comparison, but I think you making it about looks is a huge leap.

I just thought you'd said it was tomorrow is all.

Oh I was hoping you had some suggestions for the next few days. I've checked the original arrangement - three days and she's off. DH is going out tonight, she's out tomorrow (I'm giving her a lift), I'm working Saturday so they will be hanging out then she's off on Sunday.

I still can't quite believe there is anything going on or ever would be but I'll be glad to get our home back to us.

No sorry no suggestions other than I hope it's not too stressful! Only suggestion is maybe not take in anymore of these guests!

Saturday hanging out... .

Probably it's all fine, but you'll have to see what happens I guess!

That's how I would have viewed the setup when I was 23. Mindnumbingly dull.