Much younger woman staying with us...

[Idontknowwhattothink]

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

Extremely slender, long limbs, hair down to her waist, tanned. Athletic and youthful looking.

Good luck OP, hope it all turns out ok for you ! In future I think carefully who you host , don’t put yourself in this position again. It’s your home and you need to feel comfortable there ! The girl is probably enjoying her beauty , I had a friend like her who would be over friendly with friends partners and husbands, she loved the attention ! She lost loads of friends because of this but causes loads of problems 😞

I think you are right @ScarlettnotOHara and even if I'm wrong, no harm done getting her out sooner rather than later. It's a PITA constantly meal planning and changing bed clothes around a guest and I'm not enjoying the experience.

I had a friend like the one you described. Every man had to openly desire her. Most of them probably did on some level as she was really hot but the competition was relentless and exhausting.

In hindsight I wish I had spent less of my life deliberating was I unreasonable, was this about my own insecurities, did my boyfriend actually secretly wish he was with her etc etc and just admitted the friendship caused me more angst than happiness.

In fact, maybe that's what is driving my decision here. The arrangement is not working, time to end it then can figure out who was to blame.

I've had to reread this a few times to fully digest it.

Liz Hurley looks her age? Why shouldn't she? Why shouldn't I? It's not a crime.

The implication that I somehow deserve to be cheated on or my daughter and I abandoned because I had the cheek to be confident (some might say over confident) and need taking down a peg or two.

I am confident. Not about my looks especially but beyond my looks. I'm grateful that I did ok in the appearance stakes but attraction and sense of self goes far beyond that. A few years ago I was very ill, I was unrecognisable. My DH still told me I was beautiful every day.

If my DH was lured away by someone more aesthetically pleasing then it would be a shame but I would have no control over it.

Life has thrown me massive curve balls and I have still been fine, happy even. It is not indifference to not want to compete to hold onto someone. If he left (for anyone) I would cope.

I think not extending her stay is the best idea.

I thought she made you feel uncomfortable which made you feel insecure about your age and you were being paranoid.

But it’s a massive red flag that you spoke to your DH about how uncomfortable you were and his reply was that you need to be having more sex - WTF!

We have a gut instinct for a reason and I think yours was right.
I’d be keeping a very close eye on him until she goes.

Do you not think you sound odd telling us you are compared regularly to Kelly Brook and Liz Hurley? It makes you sound pretentious.

You don’t deserve to be cheated on.
You certainly are not responsible for your dh’s actions, and I am glad you have a deep sense of confidence - but you don’t need to compare yourself to celebrities - it undermines everything you are saying.

Just get rid of her - she isn’t worth this angst.

She probably wouldn't fancy your husband ordinarily.

But she probably likes a bit of competition and knowing she could get him if she wanted (which luckily sounds like she couldn't).

If she wasn't leaving next week I'd definitely come up with a reason why it's not working and ask her to leave. But as she is, I guess it's not a big problem. I'd probably have to say some passive aggressive comments to her though, because I'm petty 😂

That's basically what I thought.

This women is perhaps getting his juices flowing, and he must be in complete conflict in his head, hence him bringing up the 'more sex' in the one-to-one discussion.

If you had the strong relationship you think you do, I don’t think your DH would be asking for more date nights and sex. He’s telling you he’s been tempted and he needs to take action to resist. That being said, if he can resist her advances then your relationship may become stronger as a result. It is true that we can all be tempted at times, he is only human.

I also am one of those that can’t believe you are allowing such disrespect in your own home. Strong words would have been had with her before now, or quite possibly she’d be gone already. I wouldn’t allow any woman to treat me that way in my own home. You seem flabbergasted that this young woman may have her eyes on your DH, yet you say yourself he is attractive, successful etc etc.

I would just be wary now of her trying to maintain contact with him when she leaves. Or it may have just been a bit of “fun” for her and she’ll forget all about him. Time will tell.

My DH has told me he misses me, that I've been preoccupied with work, we never eat together anymore, do anything on our own and yesterday morning when we had time alone for sex (without our child barging in) was lovely and we should prioritise our relationship.

Yes it's very possible that this conversation has been spurred on by having a distraction around but that doesn't mean the conversation wasn't a positive. Lots of marriages fall into a rut.

I wouldn't say our relationship has been great at all recently. (Maybe that's why I sound nonplussed about it all.) No harm acknowledging that.

Opinions are divided on whether this 'seduction' is going on in my head or not and I guess that's how I feel too so I'm reluctant to directly react to it.

Do you not think it's odd that 10 or whatever pages in I had made no reference to myself in terms of attractiveness or appearance beyond stating my age and people jumped in comparing me to Emma Thompson in Love Actually - the dowdiest wife imaginable (not Emma who herself is gorgeous, just this character).

I do get compared to those two celebrities, that's a fact. Here's a other fact; with their advancing years neither of them would get a sniff of the modelling opportunities they once did. Does that make them Emma Thompson in Love Actually? Nope.

Do I don't look like I did when I was 23. No of course not. Why would I? I'll say it again - ageing is not a crime. Incredibly bitchy IMO to be gleefully declaring that Liz Hurley looks her age in real life.

Liz Hurley IS old and looks every inch of her age thanks to her partying years. A life well lived I would say. Comparing yourself to her though is off the scale ridiculous!!!

I don’t think you are anywhere near as confident as you pretend to be…. based on your last few posts.

It’s good she’s going. You’ve been very polite, she would have had some stern words from me before this as she is clearly being disrespectful in your home (the behaviour not the clothes). The mistake you made initially was assuming a younger girl wouldn’t be interested in your older husband. Happens all the time - as we have seen on here.

I can’t think of anything worse than hosting random people in my house. Not worth whatever money they are paying you - as this situation has clearly shown. So get rid as soon as possible and I’d be very reluctant to do any more hosting.

Am I the only one who thinks LIz Hurley looks amazing?!

The absolute cheek of these guys

It's the woman's familiarity which seems key here. Is it possible that something happened between them? I'm thinking maybe an embrace or a kiss which he quickly stopped but which she thinks was a sign he's interested in her? It would explain why he doesn't want to be near her and it would also explain her behaviour. It also explains why he is keen to spend more time with you, OP.
What stands out to me is that it's almost like she thinks she has a sense of ownership over him. Has she shown signs of a personality disorder, obsessional thinking, or having a different view of reality?

Liz Hurley - at 56/57? - is not old.

It is more than possible the average woman in the street resembles Liz Hurley in terms of her figure. Plenty of those at the gym! I've never seen anyone who resembles Liz Hurley in terms of her face though which I think is unusual, especially following cosmetic enhancement.

I think people throw out random celebrity comparisons based on who THEY think looks good that you have a vague similarity to in terms of hair, figure, colouring, age bracket and style. It's just a way of giving a compliment, not grounded in reality.

I’m guessing OP is very attractive and this is relevant that she is not some timid Emma Thompson in Love Actually type. As was suggested. This is hard to convey without sounding over confident hence the comparisons.

Also guessing the DH is also very attractive.

No! She still looks fabulous, isn't she nearly 60? Also Kelly Brook still looks good. Wonder Woman will never age, of course.

I remember reading some research which suggests that men married to very attractive women are more likely to cheat. I cannot remember the reasons why.
There is also the phenomenon of 'mate poaching'. When an average man is married to a very attractive women, other women are more likely to view him as being more attractive than he really is.

It would explain why he doesn't want to be near her and it would also explain her behaviour. It also explains why he is keen to spend more time with you, OP.

I agree.

One minute he’s acting oblivious to it but then making an excuse to move next to OP on the sofa - that’s really contradicting.
He then sits on the floor anyway.

Either he knows she’s over stepping the boundaries and flirting or he doesn’t.

If he doesn’t think she’s doing anything wrong or flirting like he said - then why is he moving away from her.

If he does think she’s flirting - then why does he keep initiating lifts, sitting on a different sofa to OP knowing the guest will sit next to him, staying up late knowing she’ll also stay up late etc.

OP forget about all of your ages which you keep focusing on and think about is his behaviour normal.
Would he be acting like he is if this was a women in her 40s/50s/60s etc.
If the guest was the same age as you would you think his behaviour towards her is appropriate?

You think nothing can possibly happen because he’s so ‘old’ but I don’t think their ages are relevant here.

@Cheminaufaules you could be right. If I take myself and my own feelings out of the equation and look at it objectively it's entirely possible.

We haven't been getting on well, there has been distance between us for various reasons. Hypothetically this attractive young woman moves in and takes a shine to him. It would be extremely flattering and something could easily have happened if she was interested. Then afterwards when logic sets in he's anxious to put it behind him and is keen for her to be gone.

I mean it could have happened. Or that could be 100% fiction I've written above spurred on by speculation.

My friend has recently revealed she's had an affair and told me she's stunned at how easy it was to come home and lie to her husband. She said she was overcome with lust. Twenty years of a great marriage with a great husband and yet it happened.

It doesn’t matter if you look like Liz Hurley or Suzan Boil (no offence to her) though because regardless of your looks or age, you shouldn’t be made to feel insecure in your own marital home.

The only ones people ever said I looked like look nothing like each other, I'll still take either 😂

They were Anna Friel and Juliet from Lost