Much younger woman staying with us...

[Idontknowwhattothink]

I cannot believe I am typing this.

Myself, my partner and our small child are living together. I am early forties, he is early fifties.

We have a woman in her early twenties staying with us from another country. She is very good looking and is scantily dressed most of the time. This is not me being jealous, this is a factual observation. There is no way he has not noticed she is very attractive looking.

My partner is handsome, likeable, warm, engaging. But... He's not George Clooney and he's old.

This is the weird thing. If it wasn't so ridiculous I would be sure she had a giant crush on him. She really seems to always want to spend time alone with him, gazes at him constantly and seems somewhat besotted.

But surely surely not?

MICHAEL PORTILLO!!!!! 😦

He has lips like chunks of raw liver!

Why on earth would you put up with this. Just get rid of her, its that simple

IMAGINE the outcry from twenty seventeen-year-old girls (and our teacher). I don’t think we got any more work done that day.

😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

@SwedeCarrotLime c

After reading more I'd say get her out now. Tell your friend it isn't working. You don't have to explain, just remove her and solve the issue.

It's very entitled and very disrespectful behaviour.

I would have to say something to her. It would be kind but straight to the point, and it would include get some clothes on and back off or pack your bags.

Not that it's your responsibility, BUT in the future this girl could go on to cause a lot of damage to couple in relationships and she could do with being a bit humiliated and pulled down a peg or two now.

Maybe it appears like that.

I would not blame him for being flattered and tempted by the open attentions of anyome but particularly someone very attractive.
I would miss him and feel devastated for our daughter.
I am listening to what he's saying about us spending more time together as a couple.
But he's I do think if he cheated especially with someone it's unlikely there's any real connection with I would show him the door and be better off without him.

I’d want to kill her if it was my husband and he’s 68. I certainly wouldn’t find it funny!

Can't believe all the comments assuming the young woman is Ukrainian just because the poster stated she wasn't from the UK. Like there's no possibility that anyone from any other country could stay at her house? 🤦🏽‍♀️

I'm in my 20s and find plenty of men in their 50s charming and attractive!

I would feel exactly like you OP. My H is decent looking for his age , dresses well and works in a 'cool' industry.

It's not ok and I feel for your H too , as he must see how awkward it is and that it's making you feel bad- on the other hand most men have a bit of an ego so it's probably very flattering to him!!

It is way better to react now than have to deal with the aftermath. Way better that your dh is just flattered, keeps the boundaries that he is trying to maintain under a lot of provocation and you can talk (laugh even) about it together later and keep your family together.
He really has been trying to tell you something is not right with this guest. I hope for you that is not too late.

It’s obviously a bit of a deal op or you wouldn’t be posting for answers on here would you, of course she can have a crush on him, or his wallet! She’s obviously not being very respectful to you is she, walking around scantily dressed, why doesn’t or didn’t your husband say something to her when she first arrived, or you have a word with her, I think she knows what she’s doing, I’ve never heard of a husband walking on egg shells, she’s a guest in your house, your house .your rules , not hard to tell her to dress appropriately

I would just say that for a young woman of her age this is just fun and attention. She will have no idea or concept of the pain she could cause or the devastation to your your dd. None. She is too immature and young to really understand. Please don’t expect her to care - she doesn’t, she has shown you that much already.

One thing that stood out to me - your dh saying you need more date nights and sex? Is he lining up his excuses early? If you told him you feel uncomfortable why talk about sex?! Surely he would be more reassuring and not highlight the lack of intimacy between you.

Alan Rickman Love Actually..

And it could be that she wants the lovely house and nice lifestyle, as others have said. It’s not impossible to imagine. I would ask the company to move on the grounds of covid or another excuse if you try and tell the truth they assume you are a jealous wife, but that’s a long way from the truth, and I guess you value in the income in the future.

Absolutely this. If this situation continues for some time, he could very well fall in a moment of weakness.

Not being funny but there are some women who find money age and power as the attraction. And that type of person probably think they can get everything they want .

I agree with you about her sitting so close to him is weird.

but your OH sounds lovely and probably embarrassed. I definitely would not have her there another week.

I told her this evening that if her contract is extended she won't be able to stay with us as we have family members staying. Job done.

When does she leave?

I have to broadly agree and can also shamefully recognise some of my own behaviour at that age in this post and had multiple older lovers/partners.

However the guest’s motivation is irrelevant as it’s of course all in the DH hands in this scenario. The only red flag re OP DH is that he seemed awkward and evasive when asked about time when they’re alone. I’d suspect he has been - maybe at the start and totally innocently (but she’s got the wrong end of stick), much nicer to her when you’re not there.

You definitely don’t sounds insecure to me; if anything you sound extremely secure and capable and not at all jealous. From a causation perspective this is certainly coming from the guest overt behaviour and not a fantastical paranoid theory of OP.

The allusion to clothing (lack thereof), is imo not a sleight of mind of OP, it’s a normal observation that is contextualising the dynamic and potential sexualised/charged nature of the interchange with her DH. It’s not exactly controversial (human nature) & to imply otherwise or somehow try to turn it on the OP is highly basic.

The behaviour is the problem, the clothes are just the cherry on top of a dodgy cake of competitive desperation/validation.

You sound like you are a capable, confident fabulous woman and I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.

That doesn’t mean you have this disrespectful creature around for one second longer than necessary however; the metaphoric floater in the familial home punchbowl.

Can you/DH say that the living/tv room is private family room and she has her own living room… so piss off & sit in that 😂” ?

"No i don't want her to stay. I don't enjoy her company and my DH is right, we need more date nights, time alone and and sex."

I.e. your DH is probably getting turned on by her advances,.. and is implying that area lacking in your relationship.

You are so naive OP

there is a certain type of woman, who delight in the sport of seducing an unavailable man. It makes them feel powerful and sexy

i met quite a few French girls like this in my life 😁 (other nationalities are available), a stunning Argentinian too. Also an English one

Is this the first woman of this type you have ever met?!

are you Emma Thompson in Love Actually???!!!

An older lady I knew (late 40s to 50s ) 'Mary ' met her future husband after he was utterly devastated by his wife cheating on him. When they got together they both said they would never cheat on each other. He went to work abroad, she decided to not move with him ( his contract was only for 2 years and she didnt want to give up her job ) but Mary went to see him every 2 months for 2 weeks at a time. A fellow expat said to her when they first arrived , I wouldn't leave my husband here on his own. But Mary was sure he wouldn't cheat due to his history. The local young and very attractive women were known to make it a sport to catch an older (foreigner) man and this is exactly what happened. So Mary was left utterly devastated by his betrayal. Few older men would be able to resist that kind of determined effort to ensnare them by a young beautiful woman who may be seeking an escape to a better life.

Sad to say but you can see where this is heading !! She be asked to leave today, I just can’t understand why any woman would put up with obvious flirting in their own home 🙄

That sounds good that you have told your guest that it is not possible to extend her stay. I do wonder how she will take this - a rejection? Maybe expect some drama.
So I still think you need to find her alternative accomodation, because if she is “homeless” then won’t your house be the default option and will your dh be able to refuse her staying. Just better to be prepared, remember this is your family / relationship that is worth protecting and help find her somewhere else to go (which is also better for her in the long run).