Husband always shouting and swearing at me

[Mama133]

I've been married for 15 years and have 2 children, 9 and 14. My husband has a bad temper and goes from 0 to 100 in seconds. He is the same with the kids. He is not violent at all. I don't like the way he talks to me and its starting to make me miserable. He will shout and swear at me in the street and when I tell him it's embarrassing and at least wait until we get in the house but he doesn't care. The things he gets wound up about are minor things like someone leaving the fridge door ajar by accident or just anything really. Today I got in from work and accidently knocked his charging cable out and he just went off on one. He shouts and f's and goes ballistic over nothing in my eyes... he says we wind him up. He also calls us names most commonly donkey or idiot in general conversation. I'm a very forgiving person and mostly the next day it will just be forgotten and he will be back to normal - until the next time. He's getting worse. I wonder why we are even married, he spends his weekends at golf and then we do do things together as a family in the afternoon but I have to be the one to arrange it. He wouldn't dream of asking me to go somewhere to spend time together and we hardly talk. I've thought about leaving many times but then things are ok again and I forget about it. Is this just life or do you think we have problems. Advice appreciated.

If a work colleague did this to me at work I would report them immediately and would be looking at having them fired for gross misconduct.
Your husband is no different, just because you are his wife is absolutely no reason to allow someone to treat you this way.

You poor dear. There is a way out. You must first accept the reality you are in. Then you will have to muster all your courage and find your anger . Then you'll have to act. One day your children will thank you and you will be able to proud of yourself, because never again will you allow someone to disrespect you like this. Get help today.

Your mother is wrong. Your children are absorbing every bit of this and as you said, consider it normal by now. Your son will, in all likelihood, scream abuse at his wife or worse, and your daughter will likely pick verbally abusive, and possibly physically abusive men. And the cycle will continue.

Is this really the best you can do for your children? If you stay because of financial reasons you're teaching your children that money is more important than human dignity. Keeping them in an abusive situation is itself a form of abuse, abuse that YOU are subjecting them to by staying.

As a devout Christian I do not say this lightly, but if he will not seek help for his anger issues, you need to leave him.

Honestly that is a totally unacceptable way to treat people, let alone people that you supposedly love and care about. Whatever you decide to do, it's important that you lay down ground rules about swearing and shouting at your children, because otherwise they will inherit that behaviour as it appears acceptable.

If at all possible you should definitely try and take a break from your partner and stay at a family or friends house, or even ask him to stay elsewhere. Give yourself some time and distance to gain some perspective and then think about what to do going forward. Remember yours and your children's health is the most important thing.

You and your kids need to get out of that house.

😡😡😡😡😡
Ring us at womens aid OP for support. Or contact refuge domestic abuse helpline. Your whole family is being abused by him...your kids will struggle with their mental health into adulthood and onwards if you stay x

Also a devout Christian who believes in working through things that most people would split up over.

Also agree that you you should leave.

While I agree with many PP that you need to leave this man - it sounds like he could do with attending an anger management course!
This way he can find out what his triggers are and work on being a better husband and father.
Stay safe whatever you decide to do.

Zombie thread

Hi im currently married with two kids my husband get angry easily and he was diagnose with mild Aspergers. He got anger issue even a little thing but he never hurt us or call us names but sometimes he would say stupid pr idiots, he gets angry when things doesnt do the way he wants to be or even a simple things. Im getting tired and felt like im falling out of love cause sometimes he get angry in public and embarrass me. Should i leave him advice will be appreciated.

Hiya.
The fact you are messaging mumsnet asking for advice shows you know it’s not right. Sometimes it takes a stranger to say it. If you feel unhappy and it’s not workable then decide. Am saying this however am still in a very unhappy partnership - it’s scary to decide to leave so I get it. Good luck x reach out to DA services for proper guidance or even look on the freedom project website. X

I just can say this situation is complicated, as you have kids and family together, and probably you do have good memories that probably keeps you going, although sooner you realise that life is not turning out as what you perhaps imagined, therefore you need to sit down and find quiet time to explain this situation to your husband, and give him some time for him to process (2-3 weeks) once you do that, you will see the results soon, and then if he go back to same pattern, then you know you have serious problem, you will then know you need to make good decisions for you and your kids. I hope this will help you to understand. Good luck 🤞

When I was 26 I came out of a relationship that lasted 81/2 years as one day he told me he wasn't happy anymore & wanted to leave. I was heartbroken & felt so lonely without him, I totally adored him as he was my first love & never felt like this for anyone
He had an explosive temper & gas lighted every argument but I stupidly always forgave him. He quickly started dating a work colleague which was devastating. I casually dated a few people but I was so scared to commit to anyone as I couldn't go through that hurt & heartbreak again. I did meet someone else but kept him at arms length just so not to get hurt. After about 7 months I finally felt I was ready to properly be with him
Once at my house in the beginning he couldn't find his car key & proceeded to bang his fist so hard on my wooden table, it really shocked me & I told him to leave. He apologised & after a year he moved in with me. I never really saw his temper again until my mum came over & he lost his temper as I walked over the clean moped floor he had just cleaned, After 3 years we got married, had our 1st child & we were so happy. We moved into my parents house whilst we built our new house. I had twins whilst at my parents. Twice he lost his temper in front of my parents which was morftifying to me as my dad stepped in. When we eventually moved into our new house we were really happy. Now 29 years on from being together I am so unhappy.as his temper has got worse & worse. He blows his top over anything, swearing & shouting at me & our sons. I always tell him off but it escalates. Our 3 sons are in their 20s now & if I apologise on his behalf they have all said they are used to it which broke my heart. I have begged him to see someone about his anger which he reluctantly did but it was more about his mental health
4 years ago I was was diagnosed with a brain tumour & high grade non Hodgkin lymphoma. Whilst I went through the treatment he was a totally different man. He was so loving, caring & came to see me everyday & never had one bout of anger. You would think he would be stressed with the worry of what I was going through
2 Christmas ago, he was so angry, shouting & swearing at us all. That evening I sat him down as I had hit rock bottom and told him that I couldn't take it anymore & I wanted to split up. When I said that he burst out crying & said he was so sorry & said he couldn't live without me. The problem is he just can't control his temper. I used to argue back but it just makes it worse so I walk away now from the situation Please know I always stick up for my myself & tell him off when he shouts & swears at myself & our sons but it falls on deaf ears.
I really don't know how I feel about him now as I'm not in love with him anymore as he's slowly chipped away the love I had for him with the way he behaves towards us which of course I know is not right or totally inacceptable. He is a true Gemini & definately has a split personality as he can be the perfect man sometimes but sadly that has become less & less now

He is abusive towards you and therefore your relationship to him is over. It’s nothing whatsoever to do with his star sign!. He has basically shown you the nice/nasty cycle of abuse which is a continuous one.

I have a great deal of sympathy for your now grown up sons seeing all this abuse from their father too. You have failed to protect them for his abuses of you and in turn them. Standing up for yourself has had him see this from you as an additional challenge to bring you down. You need to leave your abuser so how can you be helped in doing this?.

You would also get more responses by starting a completely new thread rather than piggyback off an old thread. I would copy and paste your post into a new thread on these relationships pages, you can give it a title.