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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend says he's addicted to escorts

134 replies

Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 18:49

So I met my current boyfriend of 3 years. not long after I had split up with my narcissistic ex of 13 years.

It was probably the first time I have been truly happy in years probably since I was
a teenager im now 31.

Anyway about a year in I discover that he had been cheating on me with escorts. I knew he had seen some before he met me. I discovered this by doing a simple Google search as he used the same username name he had used for a pof account. Anyway I found an account on an escort site which the escorts and clients leave reviews for each other and had seen that he cheated on me within the first 3 months of the relationship. He denied this at first and admitted it eventually. Probably about a month later i noticed he didnt delete his account and just changed the username and saw that he had webcamed an escort. Confronted him again and he told me he just has an addiction to porn. A few months
after that he suggested we tried swinging. I told him I wasn't interested in doing that, so he dropped it.
I found out he had done it again but claimed this was just a massage and nothing else happened I found out it was a massage with a happy ending confronted him and he admitted. Suggested to him
that I thought he might have a problem but he shrugged this off and said he found it hard to break the routine. I've broke up with him several times over this as it's absolutely devastating and he knew I was devastated and said he won't do it again. He even suggested that I became an escourt.

Anyway a couple if months ago we went on holiday and he was showing me something on his phone when an escort sent him a message saying im not free until Saturday or whatever he claimed that he had message her ages ago. So after the holiday I broke up with him. Be said he was going to get help. Eventually got back together with him. I moaned at him for not even looking to get help after being back from holiday for 2 weeks then he decided to look things up and took a test online which suggested he had an addiction to sex but still didn't contact anyone. We
recently went to a music festival together he left his phone unattended so I snooped and saw loads of naked photos of escorts that
he has seen , some new and some a few years old. But he also has a a couple of just normal face pictures. I confronted him about it and asked why he keeps them if he felt that guilty about cheating on me why would he want reminding of that time. He replied I guess there trophies" I asked him why he had face photos of a certain one as I thought it might have been his ex girlfriend as they had the same name. I was like is that your ex
he said " phw I'd never be able to pull someone like that she's good looking". I'm so angry and hurt I just can't cope he wants me to support him but does nothing to help himself. And to top it all off he told me a few days ago that when he masterbates he wears escorts bra and knickers which he had bought of them. He said he was a teenager when he felt like he should have been a women because of all the attention they get. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I just think he's been taking me for a mug this whole time.

We live 45 minutes away from him I see him twice a week it was once until I moaned, he never makes the effort to come down my way but can travel all over for these escorts.
He puts me through hell and then has the audacity to ask me for help. Anyone going through anything similar to give me some advice?

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 01/08/2022 18:51

Sorry op, he's not only a bastard but thick to boot. Drop him, get tested, and move on.

autumnboys · 01/08/2022 18:51

Dump him. He’s not sorry, he doesn’t want to change. You are not a rehabilitation centre.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/08/2022 18:53

honestly OP gain some self respect, he’s the pits. Move on

PancakesWithCheese · 01/08/2022 18:53

Advice? You run far far away from him. It cannot be anything else. Anything else is ludicrous.

You are not his rescuer.

Pinkflipflop85 · 01/08/2022 18:53

Run for the fucking hills.

bakewellbride · 01/08/2022 18:54

LTB

MrsMontyD · 01/08/2022 18:56

Why are you still involved with this man, he's absolutely not going to change. You're wasting your time.

godmum56 · 01/08/2022 18:56

my standard queation i am afraid. Why do you stay?

pbdr · 01/08/2022 18:56

I think you know what you need to do here.

Cantbeliveyoufakeit · 01/08/2022 18:57

Not all men are porn-sick perverts you know OP, do you not think you deserve better?

CakeCrumbs44 · 01/08/2022 18:59

Just dump him OP. Why on earth would you stay with this waste of space??

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 01/08/2022 18:59

I just think he's been taking me for a mug this whole time.

You're so right, OP! Really, just dump him. He's not even trying to show you any respect or affection.

Terriblethirtytwos · 01/08/2022 19:00

I’m really sorry OP but is this a joke? Please, please get rid of this total shitbag of a ‘boyfriend’. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with him, he’s an entitled creep. He’s not even sorry, and has no intention of changing. He is taking you for a mug.

MrsDamonSalvatore · 01/08/2022 19:00

The only advice is dump him immediately. Yes, he’s been taking you for an absolute mug. You can do better than this idiot.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 01/08/2022 19:00

Why on earth are you with him? What possible reason is there that makes him the man for you?

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2022 19:03

Cantbeliveyoufakeit · 01/08/2022 18:57

Not all men are porn-sick perverts you know OP, do you not think you deserve better?

This. Plus WHY do you think this is what you're worth? You have never had a healthy relationship. Work out why and fix it before thinking about another one.

MrsWooster · 01/08/2022 19:03

Dump him and get some serious, intensive therapy before you think about getting involved with anyone else, to explore why you think this is all you’re worth.

EncantoAGAIN · 01/08/2022 19:03

I think you already know you have to dump him for good. Dump, block and delete.

SidSparrow · 01/08/2022 19:04

What a total bastard. I would drop him and never speak to him again. He won't change, and if he's sitting in women's underwear wanking then god knows what else he'll be wanting to do next. Boot him.

MsTSwift · 01/08/2022 19:04

I wouldn’t let him mow my lawn let alone be in a “relationship” with such a pervy loser. Next!

CheshGirl · 01/08/2022 19:09

Get a bloody grip, if you put up with this you have yourself to blame

AnyFucker · 01/08/2022 19:12

I just think he's been taking me for a mug this whole time

You think ? 😵‍💫

Narwhalelife · 01/08/2022 19:13

please have my very first LTB

Blue4YOU · 01/08/2022 19:14

Have YOU had STI tests?
He is grim. There are millions of men out there. Get another one

Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 19:14

Your all absolutely right. He needs to go. And I have no self worth or confidence and alot of other issues.I have an appointment with a therapist on Saturday.

OP posts: