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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend says he's addicted to escorts

134 replies

Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 18:49

So I met my current boyfriend of 3 years. not long after I had split up with my narcissistic ex of 13 years.

It was probably the first time I have been truly happy in years probably since I was
a teenager im now 31.

Anyway about a year in I discover that he had been cheating on me with escorts. I knew he had seen some before he met me. I discovered this by doing a simple Google search as he used the same username name he had used for a pof account. Anyway I found an account on an escort site which the escorts and clients leave reviews for each other and had seen that he cheated on me within the first 3 months of the relationship. He denied this at first and admitted it eventually. Probably about a month later i noticed he didnt delete his account and just changed the username and saw that he had webcamed an escort. Confronted him again and he told me he just has an addiction to porn. A few months
after that he suggested we tried swinging. I told him I wasn't interested in doing that, so he dropped it.
I found out he had done it again but claimed this was just a massage and nothing else happened I found out it was a massage with a happy ending confronted him and he admitted. Suggested to him
that I thought he might have a problem but he shrugged this off and said he found it hard to break the routine. I've broke up with him several times over this as it's absolutely devastating and he knew I was devastated and said he won't do it again. He even suggested that I became an escourt.

Anyway a couple if months ago we went on holiday and he was showing me something on his phone when an escort sent him a message saying im not free until Saturday or whatever he claimed that he had message her ages ago. So after the holiday I broke up with him. Be said he was going to get help. Eventually got back together with him. I moaned at him for not even looking to get help after being back from holiday for 2 weeks then he decided to look things up and took a test online which suggested he had an addiction to sex but still didn't contact anyone. We
recently went to a music festival together he left his phone unattended so I snooped and saw loads of naked photos of escorts that
he has seen , some new and some a few years old. But he also has a a couple of just normal face pictures. I confronted him about it and asked why he keeps them if he felt that guilty about cheating on me why would he want reminding of that time. He replied I guess there trophies" I asked him why he had face photos of a certain one as I thought it might have been his ex girlfriend as they had the same name. I was like is that your ex
he said " phw I'd never be able to pull someone like that she's good looking". I'm so angry and hurt I just can't cope he wants me to support him but does nothing to help himself. And to top it all off he told me a few days ago that when he masterbates he wears escorts bra and knickers which he had bought of them. He said he was a teenager when he felt like he should have been a women because of all the attention they get. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I just think he's been taking me for a mug this whole time.

We live 45 minutes away from him I see him twice a week it was once until I moaned, he never makes the effort to come down my way but can travel all over for these escorts.
He puts me through hell and then has the audacity to ask me for help. Anyone going through anything similar to give me some advice?

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 04/08/2022 21:04

Ardvark111 · 04/08/2022 20:56

@baileys6904 that’s convenient for you as a woman that you will ignore / overlook that other women choose this profession The escort I see has in 2 hours of work earned £250 in 1 night. She told me this herself. Whilst I realise other women are forced into it through no choice of there own. I also still resent being called a rapist by another poster. That’s quite a nasty. untrue allegation. My escort has not cried rape at any time. . So I’ll just put it down to her having limited intelligence

No punter can know 100% for sure if the sex worker they are paying for sex with is truly doing it with full free will, with no coercion, abuse, trafficking etc being a factor.

Punters are willing to take the risk that a sex worker they are paying for sex with is doing so due to one or more of those factors.

I don't think that decent men are willing to take that risk.

Comtesse · 04/08/2022 21:09

OP completely agree it’s time for a change - you don’t need to put up with this rubbish -Flowers

Username0308 · 04/08/2022 22:22

Don't waste any more time or energy on this man or on this situation,

He has disrespected you time and time again. He will most likely never change, and it is not your responsibility to fix him.

Get rid of him, move on and focus on yourself.

baileys6904 · 06/08/2022 16:31

@@Ardvark111 read my post again, I was sticking up for you....
Clearly though, sarcasm goes over your head🙄

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/08/2022 18:17

I also still resent being called a rapist by another poster. That’s quite a nasty. untrue allegation. My escort has not cried rape at any time. . So I’ll just put it down to her having limited intelligence

You can resent it all you like, it's true. You have no idea if she has a pimp or was trafficked, she's not going to tell you is she?

'Cried rape' is a phrase almost exclusively used by misogynists. Nicely fits with the theory that you are, in fact, a misogynist.

And as for my intelligence, I'm not sure you are qualified to assess that.

MsTSwift · 06/08/2022 18:30

Limited intelligence you say….do you understand the concept of consent? And the correct use of “their” and “there?”

LastWordsOfALiar · 06/08/2022 19:02

If you won't help yourself, no one else will.

You're acting like a complete doormat.

He won't change, whether you stay with him is up to you but please don't ever have kids with him. It wouldn't be fair on them to have to go on this rollercoaster with you both.

Mally100 · 06/08/2022 19:33

CheshGirl · 01/08/2022 19:09

Get a bloody grip, if you put up with this you have yourself to blame

This. the only question to ask is what is wrong with you?? What is anyone on here going to tell you?

wellhelloitsme · 06/08/2022 20:04

'Cried rape' is a phrase almost exclusively used by misogynists. Nicely fits with the theory that you are, in fact, a misogynist.

Doesn't it just?!

It's just like when people use the phrase 'playing the race card' but claim not to be sexist.

It's so very revealing.

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