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Original poster

Boyfriend says he's addicted to escorts

134 replies

Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 18:49

So I met my current boyfriend of 3 years. not long after I had split up with my narcissistic ex of 13 years.

It was probably the first time I have been truly happy in years probably since I was
a teenager im now 31.

Anyway about a year in I discover that he had been cheating on me with escorts. I knew he had seen some before he met me. I discovered this by doing a simple Google search as he used the same username name he had used for a pof account. Anyway I found an account on an escort site which the escorts and clients leave reviews for each other and had seen that he cheated on me within the first 3 months of the relationship. He denied this at first and admitted it eventually. Probably about a month later i noticed he didnt delete his account and just changed the username and saw that he had webcamed an escort. Confronted him again and he told me he just has an addiction to porn. A few months
after that he suggested we tried swinging. I told him I wasn't interested in doing that, so he dropped it.
I found out he had done it again but claimed this was just a massage and nothing else happened I found out it was a massage with a happy ending confronted him and he admitted. Suggested to him
that I thought he might have a problem but he shrugged this off and said he found it hard to break the routine. I've broke up with him several times over this as it's absolutely devastating and he knew I was devastated and said he won't do it again. He even suggested that I became an escourt.

Anyway a couple if months ago we went on holiday and he was showing me something on his phone when an escort sent him a message saying im not free until Saturday or whatever he claimed that he had message her ages ago. So after the holiday I broke up with him. Be said he was going to get help. Eventually got back together with him. I moaned at him for not even looking to get help after being back from holiday for 2 weeks then he decided to look things up and took a test online which suggested he had an addiction to sex but still didn't contact anyone. We
recently went to a music festival together he left his phone unattended so I snooped and saw loads of naked photos of escorts that
he has seen , some new and some a few years old. But he also has a a couple of just normal face pictures. I confronted him about it and asked why he keeps them if he felt that guilty about cheating on me why would he want reminding of that time. He replied I guess there trophies" I asked him why he had face photos of a certain one as I thought it might have been his ex girlfriend as they had the same name. I was like is that your ex
he said " phw I'd never be able to pull someone like that she's good looking". I'm so angry and hurt I just can't cope he wants me to support him but does nothing to help himself. And to top it all off he told me a few days ago that when he masterbates he wears escorts bra and knickers which he had bought of them. He said he was a teenager when he felt like he should have been a women because of all the attention they get. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. I just think he's been taking me for a mug this whole time.

We live 45 minutes away from him I see him twice a week it was once until I moaned, he never makes the effort to come down my way but can travel all over for these escorts.
He puts me through hell and then has the audacity to ask me for help. Anyone going through anything similar to give me some advice?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/08/2022 22:10

@Ardvark111

your perspective is of no value here

2bazookas · 01/08/2022 22:18

He fucks prostitutes and you. The only difference is that he doesn't pay you.

Fifteentoes · 01/08/2022 22:18

He puts me through hell and then has the audacity to ask me for help.

No, you put yourself through hell.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2022 22:22

where the hell do you get off calling me a rapist.? Fcuking no need for that

Consent. That's the issue. Free, enthusiastic consent. I shouldn't need to explain that to a grown man. If you buy consent, or it's coerced in any way (and believe me, it's coerced in many women in sex work) it isn't consent.

And sex without consent is... rhymes with ape.

And OP, that's the issue with your BF too. Doesn't care if the women he's using are trafficked, addicted, pimped or poor. As long as he gets his. Please look after yourself. Thanks

GreyCarpet · 01/08/2022 22:24

Fifteentoes · 01/08/2022 22:18

He puts me through hell and then has the audacity to ask me for help.

No, you put yourself through hell.

Sounds harsh, OP, but it's true.

He can ony treat you like this because you let him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 22:30

Yeah I know its true I do put myself through this I just can't seem to leave. I always end up feeling sorry for them. But I don't understand why I do. I know that makes no sense whatsoever

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2022 22:36

Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 22:30

Yeah I know its true I do put myself through this I just can't seem to leave. I always end up feeling sorry for them. But I don't understand why I do. I know that makes no sense whatsoever

Because you're putting your own needs second and ou have a very very warped view of what's acceptable in a relationship. Feel sorry and caring for yourself for once.

Fifteentoes · 01/08/2022 23:13

Is it because it makes you feel needed?

Famousinlove · 02/08/2022 02:55

It seems that you want him do something about his addiction (sex/prostitutes), but aren't doing anything about yours (him/bad relationships).

It seems neither of you are making any changes so you're going to keep going round in circles until one of you does, and it isn't going to be him - he doesn't want to.

crispsandnuts · 02/08/2022 04:14

Ineedhelp91 · 01/08/2022 22:30

Yeah I know its true I do put myself through this I just can't seem to leave. I always end up feeling sorry for them. But I don't understand why I do. I know that makes no sense whatsoever

Read about being a rescuer, they'll discuss this in your therapy, once you realise the cycle then you'll realise it has to stop.

There's nothing about your post that suggests you have a mature, loving and reciprocated relationship....which you deserve.
Once you've got your self worth where it should be then you'll wonder why you tolerated such a plank. Work on yourself, you're the most important person here. He sounds beyond help, he's probably riddled with diseases too, don't put your sanity or health at risk with this bellend
Flowers

madasawethen · 02/08/2022 09:14

Dump and block him. Make the list of all the rotten things he's done and said to you when you feel like contacting him you can take out that list and read it.

You really can change. It's a process. Go to your therapist regularly. Get yourself a nice journal and pen where you can write down your feelings.

Naunet · 02/08/2022 12:07

Ardvark111 · 01/08/2022 21:26

@MrsTerryPratchett where the hell do you get off calling me a rapist.? Fcuking no need for that

How did you make sure every woman you “used” wasn’t trafficked or forced? What research did you do?

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 02/08/2022 12:24

Ardvark111 · 01/08/2022 20:54

Hi male pov. I used escorts when with long term gf at the time. He won’t stop tbh he is having his cake n eating it. As the saying goes.!!

Envy Not a male POV I think - it is just your own. (Not all males are cheats/rapists.)

In important lesson for you to take from your wandering through this forum:

Humans are not there to be 'used'.

Stick to cake; it is fine to use that.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 02/08/2022 12:29

@Ineedhelp91 you deserve much better. All women deserve better than this.
Hang onto that thought.

Don't allow yourself to feel sorry for him - save your kindness and understanding for your own self. There is healing to be done.

You probably need to be man-free for a while - to get to know yourself and to get to see what a good man (one worthy of you) is like.

baileys6904 · 02/08/2022 14:09

Cmon @Ardvark111 back in your box. You should know that some people on here have never done anything wrong and only the enlightened are allowed to post on a public forum! How dare you even pipe up with an opinion if you haven't passed the sainthood and have a penis between your legs. Let's pretend prostition isn't one of the oldest professions in the world and is one of the careers still with longevity about it. We will ignore that some women choose to earn money in this way and have every right to do what they want with their own bodies. They should be pitied and babied as clearly they don't know their own minds.

OP get rid. He's a cunt and you deserve far more

Naunet · 02/08/2022 14:27

baileys6904 · 02/08/2022 14:09

Cmon @Ardvark111 back in your box. You should know that some people on here have never done anything wrong and only the enlightened are allowed to post on a public forum! How dare you even pipe up with an opinion if you haven't passed the sainthood and have a penis between your legs. Let's pretend prostition isn't one of the oldest professions in the world and is one of the careers still with longevity about it. We will ignore that some women choose to earn money in this way and have every right to do what they want with their own bodies. They should be pitied and babied as clearly they don't know their own minds.

OP get rid. He's a cunt and you deserve far more

You mean we’ll ignore that some women are trafficked and forced into this work, and therefore won’t expect men to put any effort whatsoever into finding out if they’re raping a trafficked woman or a not?

AllyCatTown · 02/08/2022 14:30

Please stop wasting your time and effort on this man.

In your next relationship if you find out something like this just end it there and then. Don’t hang on for months or years.

PussGirl · 02/08/2022 14:46

He's not addicted to escorts - he's just a twat who's using "addiction" as an excuse

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 02/08/2022 14:51

Baileys: 'Let's pretend prostition isn't one of the oldest professions in the world and is one of the careers still with longevity about it. We will ignore that some women choose to earn money in this way and have every right to do what they want with their own bodies.'

Prostitution is often called 'a profession' or 'a career' by those defending it in the way you have here. Is it really a role you might hope your children will aspire to and one they will be proud to inform their peers/relations about?

Even if you are right and all (or even most) of the participants are doing it by choice (not desperation/coercion etc.) this is surely (at best) a job...

The idea of empowered women using their rights over their own bodies to enrich themselves is great... but doesn't look like the reality for most (or any).

Our visiting-representative of manhood (above) notes that he was in a long-term relationship when making 'use' of escorts. This doesn't sound empowering for girl-friend or escorts.

momtoboys · 02/08/2022 15:06

What in the world do you find appealing about this person? He is a disgusting human and you should have left long ago. I am sorry you feel so poorly about yourself that you continue to put yourself through this gross relationship.

W00p · 02/08/2022 15:15

Check yourself in the mirror. Are you a doormat? No? Do you have "mug" tattooed on your forehead? No? Do you have working eyes to see clearly what is in front of you? Yes?

You're all set! Dump his sorry arse and don't look back. This is no prince.

Original poster
Ineedhelp91 · 02/08/2022 15:18

I dont know why I think its alot of things felt sorry for him I guess for what he told me. About how he's a really insecure self conscious person and it is obvious he is like that. he was badly bullied by girls when he was school making him feel not loved and wanted etc about him being jealous of how much attention women got which I think is why he started wearing bras etc. Guess I could just relate to him feeling shit about himself

OP posts:
Original poster
Ineedhelp91 · 02/08/2022 15:19

He stated that the escorts make him happy due to making him feel like a top man

OP posts:
W00p · 02/08/2022 15:23

Women are not there to provide emotional support to a streak of piss though OP.

crumpet · 02/08/2022 15:23

Then he needs to do a lot of work on himself before he’s ready to join the dating world again.

not your problem to fix.

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