Hello all,
I don't know what to do. We are both in our early 30s and I'm 7months pregnant (planned baby) and over the last 4 months my husband has been distant and mean. In the beginning he was supportive and caring for me when I was going through morning sickness etc. He was doing most of the house work, cooking etc so I could rest. All of a sudden when I hit my second trimester, he has become a party animal. (We used to go out on weekly dates, cocktails etc and he's always been more of a partying person than me, but we had a good balance) Now, he's going out every weekend, sometimes Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Some nights he comes homes at 6am, others 9am others not at all. He doesn't come home before 5.30am. Sometimes I know where he is, other times I have no clue and he rejects my calls when I call him when he's on these nights out. This has been going on for the last 4months. Previously in our relationship he used to answer my calls even on lads nights out or when he was at the gym even to say "I'm a bit busy atm can I call you back later". So I don't understand why now when I'm most vulnerable he is so mean and when I ask him why he's doing this he has no response and seems not to care.
We've argued non stop due to this, as I've expressed to him that I would appreciate him communicating with me. It's frustrating and stressful to come home to find him not there and not have a clue where he is or if he's coming home that night etc. I don't mind him going out, but all I ask for is communication and for him to aim to get home at a reasonable time, not 7/8am. Some days he comes home just to shower and goes to work drunk. Which I think is really irresponsible as there's a lot of drink driving too involved.
We are not that financially well off either, so I worry about the money he spends on these nights out. One night he spent £200 in one night. He's even spent money from our savings on his binge nights. He also hasn't bonded with the pregnancy. Strangers are more excited about my bump than him, he can't even bring himself to touch my bump nor does he ask me how the baby is doing, if it's moving etc. He'll call me and ask me how my day is at work etc, but no acknowledgement of the growing baby. I have asked him before about his feelings about the pregnancy and I have told him how I'm worried about him not showing much interest in the baby. He denies that he has negative feelings about the baby and just says "he enjoys hanging out with his mates and drinking is how he socialises".
I feel I've reached a dead end. He apologises about going out, not coming home and being unreachable when I get upset but come weekend, he does it all over again. So we argue again. When he gets drunk there's no reasoning with him and he never wants the party to end . Hence he ends up at people's houses even strangers he just met after the club drinking until morning (he has always liked partying but then it was once a while so I just let him be). I just don't understand why all of a sudden now of all times he has decided this is the life he wants to live every week. I'm so stressed and I haven't been sleeping well for months now due to his behaviour. I've done the baby list alone. We don't have a lot of funds to buy all the essentials and yet he still spends our money on partying. I'm ready to walk away and I just feel sorry for my baby as his father has completely let us down.
I've heard people say men can take time to be happy about impending parenthood. But I don't know how to live with someone who is behaving like this. I'm even questioning his fidelity, as I am concerned of the number of nights he hasn't slept at home. He denies any infidelity and says he's just at his boys house drinking.
Sorry for the long message. I'm at a cross roads of whether I should give him the benefit of the doubt because he may be taking time to come to terms with the baby or walk away (7yr relationship, 3 year marriage) and become a single parent.
Thank you for your advice in advance