Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone awake? Need a handhold

165 replies

theluckiest · 21/07/2022 23:47

I was going to post this on Bereavement but thought there's more traffic here.

My DM is dying. I am currently in a side room off a main ward just waiting. She's on pain meds and fast asleep, snoring.

She's got clots everywhere and they've said it's not survivable. Could be hours or days.

My DDad has gone home for some sleep. He's not well either. I'm here on the night shift.
Everyone is being very kind and talking to me in hushed tones so I know it's really really bad.

I didn't have the strongest relationship with my DM (she drives me mad TBH) but still. This is really shit, isn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
theluckiest · 07/08/2022 18:56

I've realised that is sounds like I've made this up. It's so shit that it can't possibly be happening. How much shit can one person have in such a short time?!!
But it is. Feels like I'm really being tested here!!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/08/2022 18:56

I'm so sorry. You really have been through it.

bloodywhitecat · 07/08/2022 20:10

It doesn't sound like you've made it up at all. I hope your dad makes a good recovery.

ajandjjmum · 07/08/2022 20:35

What an awful time @theluckiest - I hope you are able to get some rest in your own bed, knowing that you Dad is getting the best care.

Shivroyshair · 08/08/2022 04:36

Sorry to hear this @theluckiest what a rubbish time you are having. Big hugs. I know you don’t want to be spending your time off worrying about elderly parents and funeral arrangements but at least you can take comfort in knowing you are available for your lovely dad right now. Keep going, we’re all here if you need a handhold.

AlloftheTime · 08/08/2022 06:21

@theluckiest im so sorry you lost your mum.
good that the sepsis has been caught quickly and treatment is underway.
try to take care of yourself in all this. I hope you have support irl and wonder if you have been in touch with your head (are you the head?) or colleagues as your situation may be uncertain for a few weeks?
I do hope your dad improves in the coming days.

slowquickstep · 08/08/2022 06:22

You must be exhausted OP , I hope your Dad pulls through, don't forget to look after yourself as you dad will need you Flowers

Turnthatoff · 08/08/2022 08:34

I’m very sorry about your mum. I think one of the most shocking things about death is frankly, how long it takes! It seems the human body just does not want to key go. My mum’s death was similar. It’s like you spend months and months willing them to fight and then the final 24 hours willing them to die because it’s just so awful to see them like that.

I hope your dad bounces back quickly. X

Original poster
theluckiest · 08/08/2022 09:09

Thank you all.

Just spoken to DDad - he seems much better this morning. I was v worried about him yesterday as he seemed so down. Unsurprisingly I guess. He's feeling much better & fingers crossed he can come home soon.

Sorting admin for mum today. Finally got an appt for the death certificate then we can get going with lots of other stuff.

Ha! No, I'm not the head although they have been v supportive. If I need some time in the Autumn term, I know that's Ok. My colleagues have been amazing.

I am completely exhausted. Have a holiday coming up which I know I'm going to make the most of

OP posts:
fghj149 · 08/08/2022 11:26

Just wanted to say I’m thinking of you OP. Sorry you are going through such an awful time, glad you have something to look forward to on the horizon too. ❤️

Snog · 08/08/2022 12:44

OP please don't be hard on yourself.
You've experienced trauma and are trying to recover from this. Try to be kind and gentle with yourself even though that may not come naturally to you right now.

AlloftheTime · 08/08/2022 23:31

@theluckiest how good to hear your dad is improving. Take care in the coming days and it’s great you gave a break booked. Glad that colleagues/ work have been supportive as that’s so important ( you nearly had a promotion without an interview!)

Original poster
theluckiest · 23/08/2022 21:11

I'm back. Thought I'd give you an update...

Dad is much, much better. He was very lucky as his colleagues insisted he get to a hospital (he was going to just go home!! 😳) and he was treated quickly.

He is back at home and recovering well now.

Mum's funeral is tomorrow. I have very mixed feelings. Anxious, worried - I am speaking and I don't like being upset or losing control in front of people. Least of all the people who know me best!!

But it will be nice to remember Mum & see family & friends I haven't seen for ages.

Still feels like all of this is happening to someone else. I don't think I've fully let it in yet tbh.

OP posts:
AlloftheTime · 23/08/2022 22:18

Glad to hear your dad is so much better - as you say he is lucky to have colleagues who pushed him to get treatment.
take care tomorrow, it will be difficult and full of emotion I’m sure. You can only do your best and I do hope you have good support there with you.

billy1966 · 24/08/2022 00:25

Op, grieving is so tough and so personal.

It can rouse a beast in you that you never knew was there.

It is lonely, frightening, and smothering, but it will ease, eventually.....

It is critical you mind yourself through it.
I'm so sorry ..

New posts on this thread. Refresh page