Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hi all,

sorry, dropped off the thread a bit again. Had a bit of a flare up this week but am feeling okay now. 👍🏻

@ButterflyOfShay so glad you’re feeling better. Hope you’ve managed to get out a bit more now. I completely know how you feel. Can’t wait to go back to college so I can socialise with more people. ❤️

@Mila14 thank you so much for your last comment! You’re so right and I needed to hear that ❤️

@Dancerinthemoonlight so happy to hear that you’ve got a new iron. It’s great to see you back on the thread ❤️

@BellaDiMamma hope you feel better soon ❤️

@30somethingandstillsingle sorry to hear about you and Mr M. I agree with everyone else that you don’t have to feel that you should go with one of those three. I would definitely bin the third guy off. He sounds way too intense! ❤️

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers hope you are feeling better.
My iron is not new as I have been seeing him since the end of March but he went abroad for work for 6 weeks and then flew to his home country as he had a family bereavement.
He is currently abroad again for work and flew out last Wednesday. He was due back yet but got delayed. Hopefully he will be back this weekend as he says he can't wait to see me again

Excellent @Thisisworsethananticpated . Perfect for you

@ibelieveinmirrorballs ..One thing that’s just so different this time around is how easy it is to make plans. Even though we’re both busy and away a lot we have all the dates set for August we can meet and it’s just not a headache!
this is absolutely great. He reserves all his time for you. I think that speaks volumes
Do you want to go exclusive with him?? What will you do with Mr M then??

I definitely don't feel like I have to choose one of the 3. I'm just a bit disappointed that #3 has turned so full on.

@Dancerinthemoonlight …enjoy a lot this weekend!
@30somethingandstillsingle …you don’t need to choose anyone this early…maybe number 3 will calm down a bit…😊

@Dancerinthemoonlight i’m feeling much better now, thank you 🙂

sorry, I didn’t realise you’ve been seeing him for a while. I don’t think I was here much in March so I could’ve missed it. I hope you’ll have a fantastic time with him when he gets back ❤️

30somethingandstillsingle

awesome dating progress there
back on that horse
and yes . A lot of frogs to kiss ….

ibelieveinmirrorballs

this might sound like a dumb question
but what do you want to get out
of the ‘what are we conversation’?

admittedly I never have this conversation !
even 6 months in

im curious 🤨

BellaDiMamma

is this your first dance with covid or had before ?
it’s a strangely depressing illness to get
even when mild xx

@Slothmomma love the wording! I will bank that.

and kudos to everyone focusing on themselves and keeping off the booze - sounds like a great match @Thisisworsethananticpated

feel better @BellaDiMamma and I agree @30somethingandstillsingle - too much too soon and I wouldn’t follow up with no3.

thanks @Mila14 and @SortingItOut - I’m going to speak to my counsellor but it’s interesting. I think Mr Blonde is getting invested so we do need to speak, and the more we hang out the more I like him but I don’t want a boyfriend. Could do exclusive casual, but he just isn’t at all creative, into books etc and that’s something that matters to me. I’d love to snog Mr Flakey. Could imagine a reasonable FWB/companion thing with him, but I may be playing with fire. Will see at the weekend.

Possibly 3rd time as 1st time round no tests were available. It's a really draining illness and I just feel weird, in a way that I almost can't describe ... I've been doing a lot of socialising- wedding, theatre, lunches etc and I know others have had it last week. I must have picked it up then. Frustrating. Annoying. Etc etc

I don't want to pay for a pcr either so I'm acting as if I've got it and have cancelled dentist etc and will wfh... I've ordered some LTF's from Tesco's although apparently they don't pick up all the variants so ... go figure 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hope no one else on the thread gets the lurgy!

BellaDiMamma
It’s draining
i really don’t want to get as mums in hospital and she really can’t get it off me

it’s hard to articulate but it’s mentally very heavy

@Thisisworsethananticpated it really is “mentally heavy” as you put it - I found it so depressing! I also ate rubbish for a few weeks, put on weight, and felt horribly lethargic. It’s taken ages to start to feel normal again and here I am about 10 pounds heavier grr. Re the conversation - I want to talk about whether he’s up for having some negotiated openness, as well as a bit of a chat about where we’re at in general. It has been clear quite quickly we both have strong feelings and the connection is a bit overwhelming (if he wasn’t so emotionally available and open I’d be mistaking it for something a bit toxic) - I want us to take it slowly for that reason. It might sound odd but I think if we are exclusive it will all get a bit too intense for me.. it will calm me down a bit I think. Some of it’s too do with his living situation - which I also want to talk about - I don’t care at the moment but I think a chat about where this might be headed is in order. I know you’re wondering if this is to do with MrM and yes.. it is in part. I want to be able to remain friends with him and occasionally see him with all that entails.

@Levithecat i know you don’t want a relationship - could you not see both of them maybe and have two lovers?

ibelieveinmirrorballs

i get that . I can see why the living situation is a worry ( niggling )

with mr M , do you want to shag him ? As bluntly he’s going to ask that and might walk away if that’s what openness means ! And we don’t want that 🙂

the problem is once it’s intense , it is ! You can’t turn that tap off .

so I approve of you wanting to manage the intensity 🙂
I’m wary that he senses you might have another on the back burner , as that would really hurt me in his situation

I’ve realised I’m utterly obsessed with Balkan right now . He’s the only person I’ve seen since I’m back . I’d rather hang with him than anyone
else . So much for managing boundaries
hmm 🤔 we even managed to discuss our exes yesterday without it turning nuclear ☢️

@ibelieveinmirrorballs - that would actually be great. Just need to get my head around the idea and have a chat with Mr Blonde at some point to see if he can be on the same page. Think I need to emulate you a bit - definitely think keeping it explicitly casual/dating helps set expectations and slows things down.

@Thisisworsethananticpated - enjoy it!

Levithecat

reading your updates , maybe two lovers could be perfect
IF blonde is on the same page
and sounds like artist is flakey and doesn’t deserve a consultation !

that said I reckon you will inevitably fancy one more (artist ) and maybe find yourself using the other one to not get obesssed with the one you like the most !!!

@Mila14 Thanks for asking, I'm doing ok, it still feels not real, almost like he's just away on holiday but I'll see him soon.
Work keeps me very busy plus everything else, just trying to get a date in the diary to see a friend and that's proving hard - not sure how I had time for Mr K (oh yeah - it was our schedules that struggled to align).

Saw my best friend Sunday and was good to catch up to dissect the chat from the previous week with Mr K,she's so supportive of me and has been with me all through my crap marriage so she gets me 100%.

Went to a pub Sunday afternoon and bumped into 2 of Mr K's friends, they're a couple and been friends with him since they were children. They were lovely to me and invited me and my friend to sit with them, all a bit awkward when I realised they didn't know we'd split despite seeing Mr K the weekend before😱
So I told the female of the couple, not any details, just that we'd split, she said she's annoyed with him and she'll be sure to tell him he's made a big mistake 😂

SortingItOut

i beleive that ending are like mini bereavements and the ‘denial’ stage is one
not that you are denying but mentally it doesn’t feel like it’s happened

god bless for our women friends xx

@SortingItOut …well done on dusting yourself off and going out with girlfriend. It’s good you are feeling a bit better

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I think you are being right by keeping the thing open. MrNice is in an awkward situation and living at home with his family. It’s unfair . Plus MrM is irreplaceable…whatever you do and whomever you find…he’s part of you.
The important thing is that you are thriving and feeling happy with your current situation

@Thisisworsethananticpated …I’m feeling really good about you and Balkan. It’s been really dreadful separation for him but the fact you have fun together and can talk exes issues normally is really great. I think you will stabilise a bit and he’s good for your health. But you need to understand he has SO MUCH drama going on at home that he might not always be available to support you on your own drama.

MrWall has gone 🤐 quiet. But he’s travelling back home today. Let’s see how it goes. I’m still not sure he will be ready to meet. He’s clearly now back home and has been online because I just checked but not a peep. I have the feeling he’s chickened out and wants to go back to celibacy cave. Really weird

Mila14
he might chicken out temporarily as he changes from holiday to home mode , especially if he is a cave and introverts - but I’d leave him- and I reckon you will hear from him

@Thisisworsethananticpated …not a peep yet. So I’m looking around slowly 😂😂. He’s unreliable I think and not a peep to at least say “back home” is just not right

That’s annoying
you could always text him 🙂

Good idea to look around… never put too much faith in anyone till you’ve met them a few times.

He sounds very complicated @Mila14 - a good example perhaps if someone ticking lots of superficial boxes in terms of hobbies and interests but there being some fundamental blockers. I’m not sure you want someone who is already focused on their need to be in a cave - this would be unlikely to improve.