Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs and @

@ibelieveinmirrorballs and @

Sorry for empty messages! Snafu !
@Thisisworsethananticpated and @ibelieveinmirrorballs he’s sent messages back last night. He says “ coming back is hard”. I think he’s probably considering going back into the cave and celibacy. Each to their own I guess. I’m slowly browsing and looking around a bit. In the meantime, enjoying time with my family and kids and abroad !

Oh god I would move away from that sort of angst from someone I haven’t even met @Mila14 - he is not really putting his best self forward and trying to impress you….

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … no harm done though. He’s been really “entertaining “ this long holidays and we have not met. I’m moving on

Glad you’re moving on @Mila14

The artist asked to stop by yesterday on his way home from work. I had four kids, my sister and my best friend here so he definitely got an insight into my life… impressed that he still came and my sister and friend liked him. Not that it matters, especially when I don’t want a boyfriend. I can’t tell if he fancies me tbh but he definitely enjoys my friendship. We’ll see on Friday when there’s just us and a bit of booze…

Looking forward to seeing Mr Blonde tonight and wondering if the spark will have died a little now the artist is more in the picture. I’m feeling quite chilled and positive about it all. I’ve hidden my POF profile for now.

Have a lovely day all.

@Levithecat … excellent news. Really good the artist has seen your set up and know what he’s up to. Enjoy date with Mr Blonde. You will naturally decant one way or another 😊

That’s great to hear @Levithecat - have you snogged MrBlonde yet, did you say?

@Mila14 glad you’re enjoying your holidays 🤩 I’m on mine for another three days and absolutely loving the peace

I have @ibelieveinmirrorballs - quite a lot… And really enjoyed it to my surprise. May partly be how novel it is! But there’s a lot to be said for snogging and I’m probably going to keep it to that for the foreseeable.

how are you doing today?

I can’t complain - I’m on holiday and it’s absolutely idyllic here. About to go for a massage…. three more days before home. Aaah the difference between a holiday with and without DC…

I’m I’m a big fan of unexpectedly good snogging - I really didn’t think I was going to be fussed about seeing MrNice again until we snogged and omg it was incredible and I was NOT expecting it 🫢 So funny how sometimes you just can’t tell..

It all sounds very exciting - enjoy the feelings!

Came across this post on TikTok just as I’m preparing to have a similar chat with MrNice this weekend.. along the same lines as @SortingItOut’s list of questions to ask - thought this was a good one.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMN4X73rP/?k=1

Questions to ask when thinking of going exclusive:

1. what is your definition of cheating?


2. what kind of relationship do you want? (monogamous, “monogam-ish”, poly, open, possibility for open in future..)


3. what kinky stuff are you into?


4. what’s your biggest worry about me?


5. are you prepared to be my primary emotional support person and if not, am I okay with that?


6. understanding that this can change, what are you giving the most energy to in life right now? (eg work, children, etc)


7. does anyone else think they’re in a relationship with you?


8. what do you think is the most important thing I should be aware of?

Love that @ibelieveinmirrorballs - so helpful and all such valid points.

hope your massage was blissful and you’re making the most of your last bit of being away.

What do you want from Mr Nice?

I'll watch that tiktok later, the points look good.

I don't think I posted my usual post this time round due to my head being elsewhere.

For those who need it, here it is:

Nowadays the questions you need to ask to establish things are IMHO:

1. Are you on the apps? You may need to expand on this as he may think having a profile but not logging in means he is off it. Also is his profile hidden or deleted?

1. Is he multi dating? Not multi dating doesnt mean you are boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means he isnt dating others?

Does he envisage he wants to multidate now or in the future?

1. Are you exclusive? This is different to the boyfriend/girlfriend question. Is he chatting/flirting/sexting/emotionally or physically intimate with anyone else?

Some people think exclusive is sexual exclusivity but I think sexting others is not an exclusive behaviour.

1. What are you? Casually dating? Going with the flow? Boyfriend/girlfriend?

Lots in between all those too.

1. For further down the line....what do you think is cheating? It is important that you have similar views on what constitutes cheating and what is acceptable behaviour.

Think about what you want now and in the future and your answers to those questions and then ask him.
If you're intimate already then questions 1 -3 are perfectly fine to ask for now.

Question 4 can come later or if 1 - 3 go well.

Thanks @Levithecat - I want to discuss those question areas and also talk about his living situation - I’m fine with it for now and the foreseeable but want to know how he sees things panning out over the long term generically should he find himself in a serious relationship… for example I have no idea what he thinks about introducing children etc. I’m not interested for at least the next few months in any of that but as it’s looking like we’re headed for a relationship I want to know he wouldn’t want to keep all of that completely separate for years at a time - not really what I’m looking for.

My ideal would be to continue being able to have occasional FWB with MrM but want to see what he thinks - he’s pretty progressive as a person and to be honest if he’s upset by that I’m more concerned about protecting what’s starting to unfurl with MrNice so that would take priority in the discussions. It’s not helping that I’m reading a book called The Ethical Slut about negotiating these tricky waters.. I’m not used to articulating my needs and wants and find it all very challenging but am trying to be better and braver and trust that there’s nothing wrong with talking about it all in the first instance.

I am going to check out that book - sounds so interesting. Good luck with the chats, so much to think about if you’re potentially embarking on a relationship when you have children.

Very out there but I had had a few calls with a couple looking for someone to be in a thruple with them. I’m not bisexual, though I wondered for a bit, but I think the idea of something so different from my awful, long marriage was very appealing. They were so content with life and comfortable with their sexuality.
My ideal, eventually, is probably an exclusive causal relationship.

Evening all . Loving sound of that book. Quite the ethical slut here! On holiday atm too, even though have teens in tow, it's good.

Currently sering my fwb guy, 2 years and going strong.
Met Mr F once, undecided on 2nd date. With summer hols upon us... fulltime kids for 6 weeks. No help from anyone, can I be bothered?

Need some occasional fwb action but no pressure of a relationship.

Is that too much to ask?

Hi all, is it ok to jump in?
I know some of you from the 40's threads, (I had to leave abruptly due to stalker ex finding me, but my name was Angel)

I had a 'Does he/doesn't he fancy me' kind of thing going on with Mr School Run and, it's only taken 3 years but he's finally asked me out! Tonight! I'm super nervous....

So, obviously I've known him from the school run 3 years, recently we've spent a 4 hours together (with the kids) & now he's asked me to go to his (he has his kid I won't have mine)

I'm nervous about going to his house! It will be ok though, right? I mean it is a first date isn't it, but I do know him, but do I know him enough to go to his house?!

You’ll be grand, @NervesOfCotton - Very best of luck and how wonderful after such a long build up! Enjoy

Aah thank you Levithecat That's kind of you.

I'm on my way now... It's either going to be everything I hoped for or... 'Oh. Is that what I've been waiting for all this time?'

Ohh @NervesOfCotton let us know how you got on !

I’m just waiting for the artist to turn up… he is actually on his way (partly thought he’d bail). Keen to see how it goes and if he would consider some kind of casual relationship. Aware I may end up being turned down, which would be ok too if we can stay friends - I do find him the most mentally engaging and sexy.

Keeping things crossed for you @NervesOfCotton !

2022 has been a bit of strange year for me with my 3 young adult children moving in with me after their mother went completely off the rails.

Just back from first date of year with Ms Yorkshire which surpassed all expectations. Strong mutual attraction and no obvious red flags. She suggested meeting again on Sunday which I was only too happy to agree to. I had mentioned earlier in the evening that I would have the house to myself on Sunday.

Levithecat & Signoramarella It wasn't great. I desperately wanted him to hold my hand or give me a hug or something. Some kind of physical contact after waiting for so long.
But anyway, he has some nasty views about 'gay people' and he just let me walk home alone. All the street lights are off.

Oh well