Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Eesha

I’m sorry if my comments made you feel
worse . You’ve got enough on your plate and you clearly fell hard for him . Relationships are bruising , and sometimes the strong opinions on MN are bruising too
I think as we follow peoples relationships from day one , I get quite invested 🙈

@Levithecat Will you regret anything if things go further on Friday?
Will it set back you getting your life sorted?

If no to both then go for it and have some fun, but don't get emotionally involved with the tortured artist because you deserve way better than someone flaky.

I’m sorry if I offended or upset you with my posts on it @Eesha - I can see that you hold Mr Blue in high regard and know this is painful. I do wonder in time if you’ll see it slightly differently because from the outside I feel upset on your behalf that you’ve been caught up in the crossfire here. You say his ex “dropped a bombshell re full custody and moving away” but we know this is not something she can blithely proceed with on her say so.. this is a threat she made which in reality, would not be possible if Mr Blue were to assert his legal rights. So the reason I am upset for you is because he’s presented this to you as a fait accomplis as though there’s nothing he can do other than go along with it, end things with you, costing you hundreds of pounds one day after being all excited with you about the trip. It’s not consistent adult behaviour. No wonder you’ve been so upset - it’s a gutting disappointment and a complete volte face.

I get what @Mila14 is saying re the sex although I think if you’ve fooled round loads with someone it’s not such a big step to go the whole way for the first time while away. Going slowly sexually is definitely a good thing in terms of being cautious with attachment until we feel we know someone well (and something I’m not very good at).

@Thisisworsethananticpated glad you’re back and decompressing from your epic drop off trip. It sounds an ordeal - does he return them?

I’m here on holiday and already feeling chilled out after a hectic day before flying out including a panic that my Covid pass didn’t include my booster, doing an emergency 15 minute PCR test at great expense and then being told that because I’d had covid recently it might show as positive 😭 then it being fine then arriving and not even being asked for it 🙄 and etc etc etc. Still I’m here now and it really is so tranquil and beautiful I love it.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

no ! He bloody doesn’t . I fly back late summer 😒
today I’m recovered and am on a yoga detox eat green mission

ive been a bit anxious about summer
socialising and booze To be honest .

totally hear you in the PCR !!! I whooped for joy when I learnt that their country doesn’t require them anymore xx
enjoy enjoy enjoy !

Hello everyone, sorry to barge in but I would love some advice. My h left in October after is found out he had been messaging someone for nearly a year. Blah blah blah. Anyhow I think I’m ready for dating. What is the best app for a first timer. I’m 50. I’ve looked at bumble but every man I think is nice I then think ‘what he see in me?’. I don’t really know what I want from this maybe a hand hold?

Welcome meno !
many of us are around your age

personally before I’d even embark upon online dating I’d get confidence back
everyone is different but I started with fitness , a better beauty regime , did hair and brows etc
got some nice photos done

then dive in !
you looking for casual , relationship , don’t know yet !?

I am working on my fitness. After hitting the ice cream petty hard for 7 months I am steadily losing weight. Maybe I should wait another few months when I am happy with my weight. I just fancy meeting a few folk and having a bit of fun. It is terrifying.

also what is with some men and profile pics. They are demented!

Welcome @Menopants - it is terrifying I know when you start, but it’s good to remember that whilst you’re not going to be interested in most men ‘s profiles, equally therefore we don’t need most men to be interested in us. There are loads of twats online… I think it’s good to sort of accept it rather than take it as a sign that there are no decent people or it’s not worth doing.

The rules above are worth reading and re-reading - keep your life as full as possible and don’t over invest, and don’t take it personally when you encounter certain behaviours.

I’ve been OLD for two years and am learning all the time, am 52 and feel like I’m getting better and better at knowing what I need and what doesn’t work for me. Good luck!

ThAnk you. I may lurk on this thread and update if I ever take the plunge

which app is best for a ‘virgin’?

I’d try hinge
I’ve never done bumble mainly because I’d prefer them to like me , I’m lazy

tinder is very brutal for a virgin
traumatising ! 😂

Perfect thank you. I have a profile on bumble but yes I’m unlikely to make a first move

Just back from a quick coffee date with new iron. No spark, apparent very different personalities. Have sent the "no spark" message and wished him well. Another quick one though so wasn't overly invested. Think this is way forward for me

Well done @Slothmomma - great attitude… onwards! Do you think he felt the same?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I'm not sure but I worded it "I'm sure you agree" so that he didn't have to say and could just come back and say yeah I agree - I think it's polite that way 😁

Slothmomma

i like the sure you agree wording
very smart
efficient dating there !

@Levithecat …enjoy your liaisons. You don’t need to make a decision until you are fully ready. How is it with Mr Blonde? Serious professional type as opposed with rather more exciting artist? I think when you have a crush…you are veering towards the artist. But it’s early to say as you enjoy snogging mr Blonde

@Thisisworsethananticpated …go greens and yoga. You will glow and kick arse. See Balkan when you feel like it and enjoy friends and summer.
@ibelieveinmirrorballs …so glad to hear you also made it and on holidays and enjoying yourself. I guess Mr Nice is very much in your thoughts
@Menopants …give yourself time, keep getting fit to regain your self esteem and it’s really good you can lurk and see what’s going on. It’s brilliant therapy
@Slothmomma …I’m with you…no spark…next!
Best wishes @Eesha …you are very lovely woman so I think you see we are all rooting for you
@SortingItOut …how are you?

That’s so funny
started the day with yoga
drinking smoothies
and off to see Balkan later

I can’t lie that the fact he doesn’t drink is a HUGE plus as keeps me off the booze

Its great he doesn’t drink! Result. Have a fabulous time…

I’m looking forward to seeing MrNice when I’m back although am determined to have “the chat” about where we’re at and am not looking forward to it - I really do not find it easy to have hard conversations and admire those of you who do. I get very scared they’ll run away. We did talk last night and both said we hadn’t been on Feeld for weeks and have no interest.. but I do want to raise the question of openness or not. One thing that’s just so different this time around is how easy it is to make plans. Even though we’re both busy and away a lot we have all the dates set for August we can meet and it’s just not a headache!

Everyone's health kicks are very inspiring. It looks like I'm down with something that looks and feels like Covid so I'll be having a quiet week I think ...

Fwiw @Eesha I think I'd have paid too, just for closure really, to not have that niggling 'I'm sad but also feel guilty'. It's probably cleaner that way. Don't be too hard on yourself, this wasn't really predictable given his behaviour

Myself and MrD are trundling along quite nicely despite all the early fireworks. We suit each other in many ways, which make it worth putting the effort into understanding each other and resolving our little explosions. Which are now little rather than nuclear

@ibelieveinmirrorballs if you do decide to stay open, it's worth investing a lot of time and thought together over what this looks like, go big into detail and be honest about what you both want and need. Good luck with it

I'm back and single...again! I called time with MrMind. I was making too many excuses for his off behaviour, it just took me a bit of time to realise that.

So I'm back on the apps. I've had 3 date zeros in the last 5 days. #1 he is really good looking...I had high hopes as he was chatty too etc, but he was hugely awkward in person and moved in for a kiss and I left with the ick!
#2 not really my type, but conversation flowed and so we arranged to meet. Well he was VERY loud, so much so that people were turning and looking in the bar...nope!
#3 a bit more my type by his pictures but right on the edge of my age range. Date went well, seemed really nice...but! He is very intense and is messaging me constantly throughout the day and tries to call every evening too (I don't always answer and tell him im busy). It is hugely off putting, plus he's telling me I will "get hugs and kisses" soon, wtf?! Is he just keen and I am over reacting? It's really starting to irritate me!

Oh dear. Bin #3 too. If he's irritating you now that ain't a great start. You should be feeling super excited when the iron calls! That's a shame to start over again, but onwards and upwards ...

@BellaDiMamma we’ll see if I’m brave enough to mention it. I have a slightly irrational fear they he’ll hate me for even asking. He’s already said he doesn’t have a problem with openness if everyone’s consenting but that was a hypothetical discussion and not about us. It’s definitely a challenging topic - for me too - the good thing (I think) is that there’s absolutely nothing “lacking” between the two of us so far in that respect, so I feel like that’s a much better position to start from than one where the openness feels like it’s compensatory.

@BellaDiMamma Sorry to hear you’re feeling poorly/Covidy- there’s a lot of it around!

Yes @30somethingandstillsingle dont feel like one out of the three of them has to be a goer - no 3 sounds like he’ll drive you round the bend.