Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Great news about Mr Valley @Levithecat. Nothing wrong with a little fib to spare feelings

Date with Mr libra last night was good and probably worth a second

Multiple irons is sometimes not very fun I am an example of that.
One of them I liked very much which has been the first time I liked anyone properly in ages but he's made it clear that I don't mean much.
Meanwhile I have two other irons who are very keen but I'm not feeling them at all.
Just gives me a headfuck if I'm honest.

I’ve not had any irons in months as I don’t OLD however enjoying a number of nice little friendly, mildly flirty, male friendships both out and about, and at work. Got a ‘desk date’ with my young one from a while ago next week (basically where we’ve arranged to be in on the same day, booked desks next to each other, go to lunch together)
feels like i have a few ‘boyfriends’ but with absolutely zero hassle! 😂 it’s ideal really!
(No passion/physical obvs but I’m not even too bothered about that, it’s more the sparkle / attraction and human interaction/friendship that I enjoy the most) ❤️
I’m really happy at the mo 🥰

Not much going in here, summer holidays in full swing. I have a date with Mr Peachy tomorrow but I don’t feel a connection with him, maybe ok for a FWB type thing but I’m not sure if he will be ok with that. I’m just way too busy for a relationship right now and he lives too far away anyway. I did have other irons but I’ve been useless at messaging so they have vanished. I would love to find someone local who can just meet up once or twice a week for a couple hours without the hassle of a relationship but that seems impossible to find. I think Mr Peachy is expecting to DTD tomorrow, he’s dropped a few hints it I feel a bit mean when I have no intention of having a relationship with him.

That's great @ButterflyOfShay - I think so much of the feeling of 'lack' is about that spark of human interaction that we've all been a bit starved off since Covid. I do however also want the physical stuff too... after years of not having it! And, as I'm realising recently, I quite like someone fussing over me a bit, despite my appearance of being an independent old hag who needs NOBODY.

@Bloodyel if the irons aren't making you feel good, drop them and move on I say. I don't think it's that it's 'multiple irons' in general, but maybe you don't have the right ones in your carousel

Same for you @Lovemusic33 - I think it's worth continuing to look for what you want rather than going through angst with people who aren't quite fitting the bill. Maybe articulate what you're looking for with Mr Peachy and see what he says?

@Slothmomma she's on a rolllllll - good news re Mr Libra. Another date set up yet with Mr City?

Not much to report here. DC back today. MrNice away for a few days. Bit of a head-fried work week and feeling the pressure to get my game face on as things are about to get political - possibly time to get a bit more work- and family-focused and a bit less 'multiple iron' focused

Never hag @ibelieveinmirrorballs . That is a redundant and horrible word!

Diva! Or vixen! 😇

I totally view myself as a diva! 💃🏻

ButterflyOfShay
I’m happy your happy 😊
any Turk sightings

Bloodyel
agree with mirror balls
are any of them making you smile ? Feel good ?

then bin them all and start afresh

No lovely, not this week as it goes! How you doing? xx

ibelieveinmirrorballs
back to work hey 🙄
get that working girls power suit on 😂

I totally underestimate how stressful my
job is , and how much it impacts me
but how can a very difficult political 50 hour week not be !!

someone was shitty on email yesterday (total dick Behavioral ) and I had to have a very fast bike ride to get the anger out
I was literally incandescent with fury

I saw Mr wall last night. We went to eat out at very nice sushi place. The guy is lovely but has had a horribly abusive nightmare marriage with a child in the middle. He confessed he was hard all the time we were in resto and basically the chemistry was through the roof. However… he’s been living abnormally for years in a cave with son. He’s really really not ready. There’s therapy going on too. But I’m glad we met and it was lovely. We agree to stay friends and I made it clear there will be no benefits
I’m going out with Mr Ex tonight 😂😂😂. @ibelieveinmirrorballs equivalent of Mr M. However no DTD. That’s my boundary m. We’ll still have a good time eating out
@Thisisworsethananticpated … brilliant change in you. Focus on your fab holidays
@Slothmomma … wow, well done with your new date. Fab news
I like no one at the moment but still will have fun with Mr ex . I’m sure I will keep seeing mr wall as friends though. He needs a lot of help and rebuilding his social life.

@mila14 ohh he confessed that ! Anyway Mr ex seems a good idea. I'm with Mr ex too. Mr farmer met someone else, 😞then again its been a month since our date and I've not had time ,so, can appreciate he needed to move on.

@Slothmomma that’s wonderful! So happy for you ❤️ Hope you had a good time with Mr Libra as well 😘

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow 👍🏻😊

✋ question for the panel, Ms No Show is coming around tomorrow, so far we have kissed and been a bit hands on but nothing physical, and don’t want to doing anything yet, I want to get know her a bit more, anyhow, if things get a bit intense what’s the polite thing to do? ,
I don’t want her to think I don’t want to have sex with her ( I do), but at the same time I want to wait a bit

@ButterflyOfShay ❤️❤️❤️

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow nothing wrong with a passionate snog and a suggestion of a sex date in the not too distant future. The key is making sure that she knows you find her attractive and it's just a question of timing, being sure it's what you both want etc

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow interesting one. If she’s coming round to yours and fancies you (sounds like she does) - I would assume there’s a high chance she’ll assume sex is on the cards. If you want to wait I would either a) have a less enticing/intimate date location or b) find a way to mention that you’d like to hold off a bit before the date itself.

I often use tactics like mentioning something that happened previously in order to explain why I now want things to proceed differently this time - eg “last time I dated someone I wished we’d held off a bit before having sex as I think it can make things more exciting and meaningful if you do, what do you think?” kind of thing. Just opens the conversation so she’s not disappointed or thinking you don’t fancy her on the night..

@BellaDiMamma @ibelieveinmirrorballs
Thanks, I definitely fancy her, but let’s be honest I’m 52 not 22 and have has issues with performance anxiety before, what if she thinks I’m not good enough , or big enough , hard enough etc ( I know I cannot control those things),
Ive probably done the wrong thing but have been reading this forum today and men get absolutely savaged if they cannot perform in the bedroom, jeez, I’m really in my own head now…
might get some viagra “just in case”,
christ, why is everything so hard (no pun intended).
shitting myself in case I fuck it up.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow it really doesn’t matter about other men in the forum. You are you. She sounds really lovely and she’s obviously interested in you. I think @ibelieveinmirrorballs advice has hit the nail on the head. 👍🏻🙂

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I’m so sorry to hear of the pressure you feel to perform.. I’m 52 and last partners have been 47-55… MrM definitely has DE which I recall you experience too.. all I can say is that my only concern ever really when that has happened (or any other issue where the man can’t finish/perform) is worrying that it’s because I’m not sexy enough/doing things “right”.

MrM would just stop after a while and say “I’m not 22 anymore!” as a matter of fact thing - and he’s right! And that reassured me it wasn’t about me.

The one thing I have never done is think anything less of a man for anything like that - other than one partner who had a v low libido and wouldn’t talk about it or go to a GP etc despite it having a massive impact on us..

I think no sane woman dating a man in his fifties is going to be expecting to find someone with the stamina of a 22 year old…

exciting that she’s coming over @HowlongWillThisTakeNow . And good that you know what you need. I’m not having sex with anyone yet but have had two guys at my house (not together!) and been pretty intimate with them. I didn’t mention that I didn’t want to DTD in advance, but while we were in bed. I just said I’m not ready yet. But made sure they knew I fancied them. As others have told me on here before, there is a LOT of fun you can have without dtd! really hope it goes well and you can relax and have fun without feeling too much pressure.

@ButterflyOfShay - so glad you’re happy! Your desk date sounds lush.

And diva or vixen… absolutely!

I’m having a walk & picnic with the artist tomorrow, as friends. And going to send a message to Mr Blonde calling things off. It’s surprised me how drawn I am to Valley man. I want to trust my instincts but I also need to take it slowly. However; when I see him next I would like to tell him why I’m reluctant to dtd and see how he responds. He’s very open and fun about physical stuff so I don’t think he’ll be too fussed.

I like MrM’s approach @ibelieveinmirrorballs - I think it’s definitely worth being confident / funny about the pace/pressure @HowlongWillThisTakeNow - that’s much sexier and will put her at ease.

Yes I think for the woman it's about feeling desired, so some reassurance and fun goes a long way there!

And as others have said, it's not about other guys that are dissected or not on the forum, it's about how you handle things in your unique situation and in being true to the connection you have with your partner.

Easy to say, relax and be yourself, but it's genuinely the best thing you can do and will mean that MsNoShow will get to know the real you.

It's one thing we as women don't have to face, performance anxiety, but she's probably had many a day fretting about cellulite, stretch marks, saggy boobs and tummies ... and in my case uneven teeth and added wrinkles after a hard couple of years!