Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

SortingItOut

thanks for the recc , really

its gone from me thinking ‘this is odd , what’s going on ‘ to oh Jesus - this is textbook
literally

its quite sad to read though

It's interesting the point you raise though @Thisisworsethananticpated that maybe for many of us who might have read Lundy B (I read it too a few years back...) it's not so surprising that we might need to 'graduate' onto reading books like this and finding it all very familiar.

I read Mr Unavailable too and identify a lot with much of what is written. I'm also absolutely terrible at communicating my needs and always seem to manage to convince myself that what is being offered handily matches what I want, so is therefore fine.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yes . As pertains to you , the next issue could be Mr Nice and his domestic set up

he’s clearly available for you emotionally that’s clear
but for how long can you handle a situation where is he is so tangled , as the more you see him the more you are going to fall for him ?

anyway you’ve got this and you know this x

but your situation really made me think 🤔

things have been going slowly with her, very nice, quite tall, she has 15 years old son, 9-5 regular job, all positives.

ms H might get moved to the friendship zone

HowlongWillThisTakeNow Even worse than just the mask pictures are the crumpled mask under the chin/masks hanging off an ear ones. Just grim!

Not cropping photos is a hate of mine. Man standing against a wall with about 6 miles of floor in front of him, so you have to screenshot it just so you can zoom in & see what he vaguely looks like... Or in the middle of a field with 6 miles of grass in front of him...

😂😂😂😂that’s not me then !!

Yayyy… Mrs no Show looks a good deal. Mrs H can safely move to friend zone

Not vanilla, pictures of them making the call me sign with their hands. Every picture with a pair of sunglasses on. Pictures of them with children followed by 'not my child.' Endless bio about travel and how many countries they've visited. Bed pictures, bathroom selfies especially when there is a urinal in the background or a lifted toilet seat. The dreaded 'If you don't look like your pictures then you're buying the drinks until you do.'

@Daydreamscometrue … 😂😂😂😂😂… amen to all that !!

Can I join in? 😀

men holding a fish
men holding a child that isn’t his own
men wearing a mask

and absolutely agree with @Daydreamscometrue about the endless travel pictures. If they want to showcase their travel, then get a blog 😂😂😂

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow yay! So happy for you. She sounds great 👍🏻❤️

The swearing at the camera are one of my biggest turn offs and get an immediate left swipe

Well the handsome doc appears to have disappeared so he either came to his senses or found a new mark 😄

Got my date with Mr city tonight- heading into city centre for drinks.

Slothmomma Good luck for tonight, sounds like a great date

@Slothmomma …Mr City sounds brilliant…enjoy😎

Slothmomma
have fun 🤩

I've been feeling a lot clearer about the whole MrSchoolRun situation the last few days, I txt him about this event he wanted to go to, & heard nothing, so I txt him about a 2nd one just now & he did answer but said he will let me know... Well he was supposed to 'Let me know' about last Monday & that translated to... Nothing.

So I told him that I'm not asking him all the time, I was being nice letting him know about these events he was keen on (even after our disaster date) as I was putting the kids first, but he is just being an idiot isn't he!

I told him that the ball is in his court if he wants to get the kids together & if not then I will see him in September when schools go back. Making it quite clear that there's no more dates/romantic feelings from my end but that, if he wants to grow up a little & keep it about the kids, then we can.

There! I expect it will go un-answered but I feel better for sending it

Yes - have a great date tonight @Slothmomma !

@NervesOfCotton I can imagine that you are trying to find a way through the aftermath of the ‘date’ with Mr SR because you have an ongoing connection with him and DC being at school together but genuinely you have done enough now and your message sounds really good and makes the point in a suitable manner. Step right back and give him as little headspace as possible. Genuinely some of his actions and comments would have killed off any feelings I might have had in your situation.

@NervesOfCotton you can’t do any more then that ref the children. He sounds lazy at best. I would make zero further effort.

Thanks ibelieveinmirrorballs & Stepcount. Yes, the kids are friends & I'm not going to let that be spoiled, I was always aware that if things ever progressed to a date then it might go badly so I'd made my peace with the fact we had to be adult about things after (seems that he didn't)

Ever since I sent the message 'I will see you in September', I've had that song 'It might as well rain until September' in my head, & I love that song, so, I'm smiling

He did answer (surprisingly) saying that his son hasn't been well this week but he does want to meet up (Erm. Forgetting that earlier he said they'd been out the last 2 days)

My turn to ignore him. What an idiot.

What age are the DC? Old enough to start making some of these arrangements themselves? Or at least for you to wait til they ask to see their friends?

I think like many of us, you want closure and a lack of awkwardness if you run into him. However he sounds like a prize twunt and not really someone you should bother about? Just 'smile and wave'.

Have a good one tonight. Doctors are notoriously difficult to date; shocking hours and dedication to the job means that they're rarely off duty and available at a time that suits.

Next ...

@ibelieveinmirrorballs this is a super tricky one. I know that from the inside, it's a lovely idea to stay connected so closely with the other parent. But as your therapist says, divorce is a necessary evil, as is living apart.

When MrD and I first got together the ex had a set of keys for his house and did all the contact time at his house, including sleeping in his bed. I refused to visit again until that came to an end. He's changed the locks and she doesn't stay over anymore.

It felt awful and I felt like a bitch insisting on it, but he was quite sure he wanted a full on relationship with me & I wasn't ready to feel like the ex was in his space whilst he was giving me all the 'I love you'.

BellaDiMamma No, they are 9. I honestly don't think it will be awkward now. I've told him how it is & I'm done with it. I'm happy to help out another single parent etc but to not even txt me back when they are events he specifically wanted to go to, is just rude & there's no need.

He's the one who missed out, not me