Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Levithecat
sorry blunt question ! Have you DTD with blonde ?

30somethingandstillsingle

remind me , as the thread moves fast
is your iron the chap that was widowed ?

they all seem to lie about height! It seems madness to lie about anything.

it an obvious physical characteristic that you can’t do anything about but doesn’t show on pictures, men lie about their height to get the date and get in front of the person, and then hope something “clicks”.

personally I like more curvy women, and this is obvious from pictures, so would just swipe past slimmer women ( which is crazy as they might be perfect for me), and vice versa some men will prefer a slimmer ladies so will pass over more curvy women who might be a perfect partner for them, just as madness really.

@Thisisworsethananticpated …oh no…that’s not some I can understand well. Thank you for explaining. I read the Robin Norwood book and some things made sense but mostly it was quite out there compared to my experience. I also agree @ibelieveinmirrorballs is right on the good stuff right now. And very clear and honest about what she wants too.

I decided to post a few turn offs for me regarding guys on account of what the ladies post here too

-the guy in bed with smouldering look ( as someone said before)
-nudity of any kind ( even if they think it’s artistic) or filters
-the guy with the expensive car he probably doesn’t own in the first place
-guys who study in university of life or school of hard knocks
-guys who do not post full body pic ( normally they are fat)
-the guy with fish 🐠 showing he’s a proper fisherman ( why???)
-in my case tattoos and piercings ( this is subjective as many women like it or tolerate it)
-guy who “doesn’t take himself too seriously “ WTF? I’m not English but hello??
-guy with stupid clown glasses and wigs drunk with his mates
-guy who says he takes care of his appearance and wants a lady likewise…they are all unfit and red nosed from drinking. A fit guy does not need to say that as it’s obvious…

Im sure there are many more pet hates but these are my main ones …I think we need a bit of a laugh here 😂😂😂

@Thisisworsethananticpated no not yet. We’ve done quite a lot else and have been naked together, but I’m just not ready to dtd (with anyone). I’ve kissed Valley boy now, but he was very gentle and tentative, which was sweet but I prefer a slightly more agression approach. We’ll see how he is friday.

Oooh can I add to the list!
no drama, have your shit together!
giving the bird in the first picture
not vanilla
First pic hot, third pic 20 years older!
smoking a spliff (not opposed but not something to highlight really!)
Pouting!!!

😂😂😂😂😂😂 indeed @MincedMalbec …no drama , have your shit together…
The no vanilla guys I simply laugh at. They can get a porn actress or pay for their wishes. Normally people build their sex options together privately and it can be whatever they both agree in private but this no vanilla is puerile really
I don’t understand the pic 20 years younger and bald and fat the next 😳
Pouting ranks with the smouldering one in bed …just awful

Guys…we need your pet female profile things too…post please

Careful @Levithecat …the best lovemaking I’ve ever had has been with sensitive, gentle guy…seriously.

@Thisisworsethananticpated no don't say that - it's not the case at all... and just to prove the point my therapist has just had stern words with me for getting involved with someone with Mr Nice's living set up. Of course him and his ex are going to love this set up for them and their kids she says, and they're perfectly entitled to try and find partners who will work with their situation, but she says she thinks it's really important I talk to him to get a very clear sense of how they think this will work out long term because she says I should NOT be falling in love with someone who is basically still married and living with their wife, no matter how amicable and separately they're living. It's really woken me up a bit. Another serious chat needed I think. We have two weeks till we next meet... I've already told him when he messaged me earlier that my therapist has had stern words with me - I think he thinks I'm joking a bit and does not realise that I will listen to what she says... 🤔😵

I think I'm getting CLOSER to what I want, but perhaps this is also still not good enough and accepting crumbs - this might be a great option for Mr Nice, but is it the best option for me..? Arghh!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … these are very legitimate questions you have. He has proven you his family situation is exactly what he says because you’ve been sleeping in his home ( hopefully he has his own bedroom and wife hers?? )

Thanks @Mila14 - yes separate bedrooms in separate parts of the house. Therapist says divorce/selling family home etc is hard (I certainly went through the wringer with mine as did my children) but it’s a necessary pain to be able to properly draw a line underneath the relationship and move on. We talked on Monday about meeting children etc in time but we did not touch on divorce etc. In a way I don’t want to put pressure on about it as it’s way too early and I sort of don’t care… but I do think this is in part why I wanted some openness - and who knows - maybe why he’s agreed it. Therapist thinks I should not be putting all my eggs in this particular basket, that’s for sure.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

i got so carried away I totally Forgot about the minor issue (!) you mention
sorry 🙈

I still think you are making progress but yeah
listen to your therapist
and yes that needs a major chat before you get deeper

fuck this shit is messy isn’t it

*aggressive not agression!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I’m glad your therapist said that. I didn’t realise the situation… and yes on paper doesn’t it sound lovely and grown up and amicable, but that physical separation and carving a new life and having firm boundaries is so important after separating. I’d be very wary. But of course that might mean you having to walk away… which would be his loss but seems such a shame.

Levithecat

well , whatever happens with either
it’s not dull at your end

I rather unwisely took a call from a 22 (now 23 !) year old who’s been wooing me
I rashly offered a walk

he seemed keener to come to mine with a bottle

I suspect we won’t be meeting

3rd date with ms no show, she’s nice, really nice, drinks and a light meal.
little kiss in the car park and she grabbed my butt .! , 😊

He’s is trying to fulfil his “mature woman” fantasy…

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

good luck to him , won’t be happening with me

well done 👏 in your date
your crushing it !
two ladies

Aww @HowlongWillThisTakeNow …Mrs No show…you were very quiet about her and only going on about Mrs H…😈. Grabbing your bottom is good. She likes you…in the biblical sense. Marvellous

@Thisisworsethananticpated Great to see you've got the book and are frantically highlighting.

When I first read the book I had an epiphany a few pages in, honestly that book is the best.

I'm hoping I'll be able to reread mine soon. I need reminding of it all.

I don’t understand the pic 20 years younger and bald and fat the next 😳
Pouting ranks with the smouldering one in bed …just awful

blimey, I thought I had taken those pictures down…

Just for balance here are things lots of women use online

Random pictures of pets / hats / scenery/ family
groups of drunk women (which one are you)
holiday snaps ( possible stealth boast), in big groups again
selfies with big sunglasses/ big hats / masks (still)

no bio or war & peace
and my personal favourite, “I won’t message first “, …always an instant no.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Am with you there, the big characters who make you laugh, are witty and exciting, but emotionally unavailable are my type too. It feels self destructive going for this type of man. Anyway, I'm guilty of emotionally unavailability too, the more they reveal of their feelings, the quicker I shut off.
Barriers and defense mechanism in good working order!
Anyhow, 2nd date with mr farmer soon. Quite intrigued by him but he is a distance away. We shall see!