Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

While I’m on, anther question if that’s okay.
what is with women’s football and gender nouns?
Mens football is referred to a Mens football and within a team generally referred to as “lads”, as in “the other lads in the squad”
Women’s Football is referred to as Women’s football and with a team generally referred to as “girls”, as in “the other girls in the squad”.
so why do some ppl say “ladies football “, ( I’ve noticed a few female TV pundits say this), mens football ( or any Sports), is Mens sports, not Gentleman’s sports, so why the use of “Ladies”, ?

Morning all… great discussions on here ref what is it we want and how hard it is to actually be clear about it ourselves as we navigate “later life stage” relationships - it’s taken me a while to think beyond the standard beliefs I had about relationships pre having kids etc - everything’s so different now in my life now, it makes sense that what will work optimally for my life now looks different to the standard “seeking life partner to eventually cohabit with” option I although thought I wanted.

@ButterflyOfShay great update re Mr Turk - I was always a bit suspicious of the “intel” you had from the new friend that steered you away from him!

@BellaDiMamma will definitely pm re the meet in October - thanks for the info and for the thoughts re openness.

All going great here with Mr Nice. No heavy chats yet, great day in town yesterday and now wfh at his while he leaves me to it. Feeling a bit woolly headed (first day back from leave 🤪) so need to crack on with some work!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow none of us really know what is happening in Ms H’s head but clearly she hasn’t wanted to stop communicating after the difficulties of wedding weekend. Has there been any discussion about the short term future once her DD is settled at uni ? As in any suggestion that she would be up for regular ‘dates’ ? I think things will be clearer once September/October is here.
@SortingItOut glad to hear that the horrid, raw reaction to the end of the relationship with Mr K has eased. Those feelings are the worst. They are though an indication of how much you were emotionally invested in him I think. I’m sure you will proceed with caution if communication does resume - I speak as someone who technically split and got back with my previous DP 3 times in 3 years- ultimately realising that what each of us wanted - type of person and from the relationship- wasn’t what the other could offer.
I rarely update these days but Mr V and I are doing pretty well. We have a close relationship and despite a few ongoing financial and sexual challenges it feels very much like he is my future. I do question things and reading this thread keeps me focused on my needs etc but ultimately I am in a non perfect relationship with a wonderful person. He tells me he loves me, we talk every day, we have plans and commitments.He’s kind, funny and easy going. I do read the lists and thoughts that are shared about money/pension/sexual prowess etc and wonder if I am compromising - just part of the natural checking in with ourselves that we do- but my feelings for Mr V the person currently override any practical shortcomings.

@Stepcount … well done you. You seem to be in love with Mr V and him in love with you. Each relationship is different and as you can see here , no one has a perfect relationship I think. Some compromise always happens

@BellaDiMamma … I’d love to meet up. Will be DMing you

ok… I’m still back and forth with MrWall. We had a very personal chat on the weekend that explains a lot of his situation. For what I can gather he suffered massive abuse by ex wife. He’s the DC main care and custody. She drops and picks up whenever she wants or feels like.
i now understand better why he’s so guarded and not ready for full on relationship
however he’s so handsome and so sorted in other ways and fundamentals… I’m still hoping to meet him. Ball is in his court. He feels vulnerable and was able to express it clearly
But … OMG … I’d like very much to have a close encounter under my duvet 😉
We will see how this pans out. I’m half looking for other irons but I can’t find anyone more suited than him for many many reasons
I’m hoping to meet him end of this week
we shall see but I really don’t know whether it will happen
mid it does not happen I will have to let go totally and get on with my search properly

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … thrilled about your set up with Mr Nice. Just enjoy everything

Mila14

i hope you meet and have duvet time !

tread carefully with him emotionally

I’m now 7 months (🙈) extricated with a man with a very complex set up and split

it’s a total mess and won’t get better in my view

with hindsight I’d have kept it even more casual and less emotional

but yeah , I’m learning and new ….

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I see your point totally. I actually thought of you and Balkan. My plan is to go easy on this one and I’m not even sure he will meet me. He’s had a long time of celibacy and has learnt resilience. I know you have feelings for Balkan. I think in all likelihood, he will not meet me and continue as he is

It’s a crying shame mila as you really fancy him
but as you say he will maybe bail
maybe you won’t fancy him in RL
and I know you don’t want a casual

and - he’s been a friend and entertained you over the summer ! And gave you fun on holiday
and that’s something 😊

Exactly…@Thisisworsethananticpated …no harm done. It’s been nice and I felt massively lusted after 😂😂😂. I will change tack next week when I’m settled back home

I’m trying to catch up with the thread again after a busy time recently. Interesting convo about what do we really want from a partner, how do we know.

I enjoy my times with Mr Beard and he’s great in so many ways - easy going, non judgemental, likes doing same kind of things as me so easy to hang out together, gets on well with my kids. But I don’t think I’m in love with him and not sure if I ever will be. But also not sure if I could love anyone again. Is not loving someone an issue, as long as they’re not under false impressions or hoping for more?

@Stayingstrongish I'm not sure I'm capable of loving anyone again - not sure if it will be an issue going forward but I am still single 😆

Well after a chatty day on apps (I'm kid free) I now have a date booked in for Thursday evening with Mr city and one for Friday evening with Mr libra 😱 sticking with my tactic of meeting early so no over investment by either party 🤷‍♀️

@Slothmomma dates two days in a row - who knows, maybe soon you’ll have the love problem too! Good luck and let us know how they go :)

Thanks @SortingItOut I am still no clearer whether it was true if he said that to her, or if she fibbed about it, or if he said it to her and it wasn’t the truth, he and I are just being friendly but saw him yesterday in passing and 100% he gave me The Look… it just left me in no doubt that he does actually have the hots for me 😂
which cheered me up…
but if he’s genuinely attached then 100000% it would be a no go for me, I don’t go after other people’s blokes. Time will tell! Need to find out for myself.

You knows it 💗💗
i need to dig!!!

Maybe she’s just trying to make more effort in general?? Which is a good thing isnt it 🥰

Oh and sorry just to clarify we have spoken the times in passing snd he’s friendly and chatty and enthusiastic, asking me how i am etc… as well as The Look yday… not avoiding me whatsoever (if anything I was avoiding him after what she said)

I’m loving some of this!! Really good to hear people taking their time with folk who are clearly not quite ready yet. The artists has messaged me lots today but I’m stepping back a bit; I think he just misses someone to speak with in an intimate way (as in, just to say anything to). Another iron is developing.. he’s incredibly sensitive and lovely, another bloody musician, but something a bit fragile and magic about him, so I need to tread carefully as I doubt he wants casual. He totally takes me back to being a teenager, listening to sad music and yearning after kurt Kobain… Let’s call him Valley man.
Mr Blonde still in the picture and thoroughly enjoying him. he’s very sexually assertive which I’m finding fun. But not pushing me for actual sex, which is great.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs so far so good, I’m really happy for you! Hope being back at work was ok?

@Mila14 you sound so positive. Glad you enjoyed being lusted after. What next?

and exciting @ButterflyOfShay - here’s hoping he’s single…

Thanks @Levithecat …. Nice to hear some good iron happenings at the minute and @Slothmomma can’t wait to hear what your dates turn out to be like 🤩

Glad things are going well Butterfly, he definitely seems keen.
Levithecat Valley man sounds amazing!
Slothmomma Lovely to hear somebody getting so many dates.
Stayingstrongish As long as he's not hoping for more then I think it's fine.

@Stayingstrongish …this is a hard one. I think if I’m in a relationship, I want to be in love. Maybe I’m silly but I don’t want to just hang out with a nice guy at the moment. It maybe that I am alone a very very long time though or I might end up compromising and just be with someone who is ok but I’m not in love…
just right now I want to fall in love. I think I would be looking around for other guys if the one I’m with doesn’t rock my boat really.
@Slothmomma …wow…looking good…2 dates ….looking forward to hearing about Mrcity and Mr Libra…interesting
@Levithecat …good lord…Mr Valley looking like your type I think. Good to keep Mr Blonde too until things get clearer
@ButterflyOfShay …you stay open with Mr Turk…for all I hear, your “friend” is not really in your camp. I think you need to find out yourself whether Mr Turk is single or not

@Mila14 Thanks for your thoughts on this. I suppose I’m a bit afraid to fall in love. Lost a relationship someone I was crazy about as a teenager and since then deep down have never cared as much about anyone else. Now not sure I know what love is anymore, don’t want to lose a good thing with Mr Beard because I don’t have some over the top infatuation which turns out not to be good for me. Think I will take things slowly, I know I care about him and want to see if this deepens.

Stayingstrongish

love can grow
and doesn’t always look the same
if he makes you happy
then that’s a wonderful thing

@Stayingstrongish …I think it can develop into real love. You are having a lovely time with him and not always infatuation leads to love. I think you may fall totally in love with him. Just enjoy and if you don’t need to look elsewhere, you may not want to call it love but it just might be 😊

Mr Wall has gone back to his cave. Not a pip today. No good morning or good night…zilch
i don’t think he’s going to meet me this weekend either. I’m not messaging him tomorrow at all. I think best to cut it out
I am going to start iron searching again 🙄