Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … really wonderful development re Mr Nice. Just ease into these days and relax but the fact he’s bringing you to his home , his world and his privacy a few days sounds magnificent. You also fancy him , otherwise you wouldn’t be so nervous. Do not discuss Mr M or anything really. Just go with the flow and see how it feels

ibelieveinmirrorballs

gosh I feel nervous on your behalf . This is proper coupley time 😊

I hope you can relax and breathe into it !

@Levithecat … I think your texting him is totally right. Me Art needs a bit of time and space but you are very well positioned. In the meantime see how it goes with Mr Blonde

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

id hate it ! I’m just too new to dating and post dvce and I’m VERY jealous
I forgot how jealous I am actually

it would kill me unless I had another one in the go
and I’m unable to handle ONE let alone two 😂

@ButterflyOfShay …let’s hope a dashing new iron appears soon and we can gossip here 😊
@SortingItOut … I think we all can go for times when we like no one and don’t want the hassle. I’m sure Mr K will try to get back to you in no time and then you will need to decide what to do

Slothmomma

im pleased the date ended respectfully
sometimes even ‘bad’ dates can teach us something about what we want and why etc

mr local is fishing 🎣 and wants to keep you in his fuck pond ! Do you reply or leave read ?

I would not like this at all. But then I’m not looking for FWB situation. I make it very clear. If there’s only sex and I am not looking forward to be with the guy or spend my time with him it’s not right. I think I would want to go exclusive the minute we both agree to having feelings.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow thank you for opening my post to the group for comment 😬🧐

I’m very aware the whole conversation around any sort of open relationship immediately takes it outside the bounds of what most people are looking for. This is not about keeping it casual, or blithely being able to go and do whatever you want, but about having an open conversation around what is and isn’t acceptable as we define whatever “it” is we’re entering into. We haven’t done that yet. As an example, keeping sex out of it, I do have an ongoing friendship with more than one ex that involves spending entire days together hanging out. I want to put it all on the table for discussion. What if, in the future, we might have sexual desires that the other person isn’t interested in? It’s good to discuss this stuff. I aspire to be able to stand by the belief that sex is positive and pleasure is good for us… and am not sure I believe that enjoying sex with one person us somehow an act against another person.

Fully recognise this is not for all though and I’m still pondering it all. I love this about life and being on this journey… staying open minded and free to change direction at any point.

@Thisisworsethananticpated ‘fuck pond’…. Love that 😂😂
wish i had a fuck pond! 😅😅

@ButterflyOfShay we’re ALLLLL swimming around the fuck pond 😬

Same…
(though not divorced!!)
to be honest I’d feel from then on after that conversation I would never be able to trust him. I could never hack an open relationship! Too possessive and old school!

ibelieveinmirrorballs
😂😂

I find it all very interesting as we approach things outside of the wholly hetero normative

but I think I couldn’t do it

a threesome however ….. is on my bucket list
with a couple (male female )

and that’s enough of my fantasies for today 😊

😂😂 well trur!! But no ones got their fishing rod out for me 😂😂

To be honest I’m quite (actually VERY) content having zero drama at the minute and just reading about everyone else’s! Sorry to be boring and selfish 🤍

I love the open mindedness! Sometimes I have fantasies about threesomes… Just with men though.. And mainly on holiday as not so much an abundance of hot men in the UK 😕

@Thisisworsethananticpated I actually do hope you have some shenanigans in Greece! Greek men are 🤪 my weakness 😂😂

@Thisisworsethananticpated yeah he's trying to keep me hooked but I've made it very clear I won't be a fuck buddy - if he can't step up to at least fwb I'm not in. When he messages I either just send a laughing emoji back or ignore

a threesome however ….. is on my bucket list
I had a 3some in Uni with 2 girls, I think the extra girl actually fancied my GF at the time, so really ended up being 2 and half-some with me being the 1/2 😂

Interesting comments rec”openness”,
as you might have guess I’m talking to Ms H (or she is taking to me), about what we might doin the future, I don’t see me being in a “relationship” with her, ( or anyone really), she is just too closed off but maybe we could do something or nothing who knows?

I would with an existing couple
NOT with my man and another girl
nooooo way Jose

HowlongWillThisTakeNow
that’s so funny 😂
but I’m sure you still had fun 🤩

ButterflyOfShay
to be honest I probably wouldn’t . Although what we have is casual we have said no other people,

and treat others as you’d like etc
I’d feel out of integrity

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

good you are talking , you quite like each other I think ?

is just friendship , I’ve fixed her DD s new laptop ready for Uni, done a few little DIY jobs, it’s just things I like doing, went over to just start her car, all easy little things

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I think the biggest challenge for Mr K and I (aside from the emotional unavailability) was our lack of availability to see each other, he has his son 4 - 5 times a week and I often had work meetings of an evening so our free time struggled to align.
I am not sure how this could change unless he wanted to integrate me with his son which he was always reluctant to do but then expected us to live together.
He couldn't see the 2 things wouldn't align.
He has a fixed idea of his future but it doesn't tie in with his current situation.
He's been far too cautious and it's backfired.

Your few days with Mr Nice sound exciting, it's good to know you can leave at any time.
Hopefully you'll enjoy yourself.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I'd be fine with a man suggesting open or poly but for me it would be unhealthy as I know it's linked to my emotional unavailability and further reinforces keeping my feelings to myself.
I think it's easier to raise this early on rather than years into a relationship.

Thanks @ButterflyOfShay, I'm trundling along enjoying life and putting him out of my mind.
He will definitely be missing me, we had great times together and always a laugh, he really liked being part of my family as he doesn't have that, him and my brother got really close. I've told my brother I'm fine with them remaining friends.

Levithecat Adding my voice to 'Ouch! Sorry that txt wasn't what you wanted to hear.

Thanks Butterfly Aren't you lovely it's very odd because I'd built up this idea of who he seemed to be & it feels kind of like the other night was a dream (bloody nightmare!) & That wasn't actually him!

My son was talking about his friends (he only has a handful) & he mentioned MrSR son & I felt a twang of guilt like... 'Have I ruined them being friends?'... But then I realised that no, I havn't ruined it. It's not my fault that he pretended to be a nice guy for 3 years when actually he's an evil twat.

I havn't heard from him, we said about meeting with the kids tomorrow but hadn't arranged it so I'll see what happens.

Threesomes... I'm too insecure I think! I'd always be thinking everybody fancied everybody apart from me!!
(Oh & Greek men. Yummy!

Threadie meet up

Hi everyone and sorry I've not really been participating in the chat recently...!

Some of us are going to do an in person meet on Friday 21 October. It will be an evening meet and hopefully won't interfere too much with half term plans etc

Location: central London. Last time we all met up on the South Bank, this could be a good place to go for in October as well.

Please DM me if you'd like to come!

@SortingItOut …MrK was very integrated with common friends, family and even your brother!!! Do you know his son? Why could he not integrate you into his life?