Dating Thread 231: Summer Lovin

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
Develop a thick skin.
Do not invest emotionally too soon.
It's all BS until it actually happens.
Trust your gut instinct.
People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
Know your worth.
If it's not fun, stop.
Loo update is mandatory.
No dating the thread.
Treat others as you'd like to be treated
Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Lucky escape @NervesOfCotton - I'd be taking my rainbow tote on every school run come September 😄

Not much to update from me. Haven't heard any more from the very unavailable Mr tall so have put him out of my mind. Have a quick date zero with someone off hinge tonight locally- no idea what to expect as we haven't chatted much at all but he's travelling over my way as I have the kids so can only nip out locally for a short time but it will be enough to see if we want to meet again.

Chatting with another 2 irons but no dates firmed up yet

Slothmomma We are all about the bright colours anyway so absolutely!

I've just talked it through with my mum (she met him before) & she was all 'Give him another chance, He probably ranted a bit because he was nervous!' No, no, no and no again, mother!

Slothmomma

thats nice he is coming your way
always a good sign
or he’s really really horny 🤣

like his photo ?

No @NervesOfCotton I agree no second chance - if I've had a bad day I'll rant about the cost of filling up my car or the fact that eon are making me pay hundreds per month despite being hundreds in credit - not about gay or Chinese people 🤦‍♀️

Won't matter if he is horny @Thisisworsethananticpated as he knows I have the kids at home 😄 yeah his pics are OK so worth a meet to check out

Slothmomma exactly! We are both quiet & shy but he's not shy about telling me about all the people he hates!

I hope your date goes well tonight

NervesOfCotton

who else does he hate (in addition to gays and china 🇨🇳) !?

Thisisworsethananticipated Er, 'Fucking foreigners' in general, & then I think that's it

Horrible, isn't it. I have no tolerance for that crap. I'm amazed that he hid his views for so long but, meh, I know now.

@TobyEsterhase … sorry your ex went mental and dropped kids on you. I had similar but all good now. Enjoy date with Ms Yorkshire 😊
@Levithecat …what happened with Mr Art?
@NervesOfCotton … good you saw Mr Schoolrun for the oaf he seems to be. Onwards

Hi @Slothmomma … I missed the gossip about Mr Tall. Why was he chatting you up when he was unavailable? Or you mean emotionally unavailable? I had that with Mr Wall . I’m not messaging anymore as he went quiet after going back home from his holidays saying he was really down etc. he still wants to meet up but I don’t think so. I’m looking loosely at other irons but unclear yet.
@Levithecat … weird with mr Art. Anyway you’ve got Mr Blonde as a sure option
@Thisisworsethananticpated … glad you are going to gym and looking after yourself. What happens in Greece stays in Greece. You need to have some drama free fun. I’m sure Balkan cares about you but his life is too complicated right now. Only you can decide about this arrangement but it has worked well when you’re crazy busy. After holidays you can think better

I’m actually sorry for his kids you know? Growing up with a bigot dad

Mila Oaf is a good word for him... he kept his views to himself until about halfway through the date (when I decided that actually, I now dont want him to touch me)
He mentioned 4 times that he is 6'4. Shame that's pretty much ALL he has going for him

I know what you mean, I feel sorry for his son now too.

Mila14
you are right x and I’ve calmed down , I’ll see him later . If nothing else sex is good for me !! And he does , in his own way , care .
he is , who he is …

my ex was (at times) practical and very good at driving long distances
this is a learning curve for me

are you still on holiday ? ! Any wall man news ?
has he recovered from the trauma of his holiday ending

@Mila14 Mr tall was just gorgeous and I was smitten however it became very clear he wasn't over his ex fiancé, has a lot of drama around custody and might also be working away again for a year shortly - he said he'd like to meet again but admitted probably not in best place (I'd agree) but said he'd like to stay in touch. Haven't heard any more so assume just being polite. But he showed me there are people out there I fancy despite rarely swiping right 😄

@Slothmomma … good on you. There are guys to fancy, I agree. The issue with dating seems to be at which stage you are at… are you over your ex? Are you in divorce battles? Are you mainly trying to secure your new life economically and all else can wait? Have you been too comfortable vegetating after separation and unable to take on the drama of new love again???
there are too many questions
I fancied Mr Wall massively… but he’s not in the headspace and I don’t want to “ work” at relationships that just are starting

@ButterflyOfShay Thanks for checking on me.
I'm doing ok, still very much feeling that this hasn't really happened, it's the weirdest feeling.
Just getting on with life, met up with some people from my new women's group for a walk and a dip in the sea - it was lovely.
I had deleted our Instagram chat because it's far too easy to keep looking (whereas with Whatsapp I can't even consider looking at it) and then this week Mr K messaged😱
He shared something from someones story that I had asked him to keep an eye on, when we were together,as he is on Instagram more. I just assumed he wouldn't now we've split so to get the message threw me completely. I'm still a bit confused about why he did it.

I've got the chance of an FWB but I can't even comprehend it, I don't fancy anyone or even want sex😱
This is so different to my marriage split because I went on a sexual revolution almost immediately.

@NervesOfCotton Sorry to hear that after all this waiting Mr School Run turned out to be a knob, how disappointing.

@Levithecat Can't believe Mr Art didn't jump you, another disappointment.

@TobyEsterhase Hope your 2nd date works out well.

@Slothmomma What is it with all these men on dating sites not realising until they've had a date that they're not ready. I assume they used dating sites as an ego boost and validation after a relationship breakdown when really they should be healing. At least he told you early on so you haven't wasted much time.

@SortingItOut … I said he would come back home to message you. Please beware. It’s a form of cruelty to keep you hanging on while he made his own choice of staying with his wife and kids. Anytime he’s upset or not happy with his family setting he will reach for you. Move on… he’s now a married man staying home with his family

Can't believe Mr Art didn't jump you, another disappointment.

don’t mean to be rude, but there is bit of a double standard going on here, if a bloke comes onto woman too soon he is seen as only after one thing, but if doesn’t make a move he is seen a disappointment, if a guy isn’t making a move what is stopping you for doing something?

@Mila14 You're confusing me with @Eesha . Mr K is long divorced from his wife

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow @Levithecat said they'd been flirting and she thought sex was likely which she was fine with. If the conversation has included flirting etc then it's likely when someone stays over that sex will happen.
If there has been no flirting etc then it's not a given.

Personally if I really fancied someone I'd make a move.

Oooh…@SortingItOut .., true. It’s @eesha!!! Yes i remember now. I totally get you now. Mr K and you were dating over a year I think. I didn’t fully understand why you broke up. I think there’s a chance you 2 go back together when he realizes what he’s missing. Sorry I confused you!!!too much sun on my head!!! Looks like you are doing great anyway

@SortingItOut yeah they maybe do it to prove they've still got it. His fiancé had ended things and moved on very quickly so maybe that's why he felt he should be dating but conversation was very much about her and his other ex (child's mother) so much so that he did apologise after I got home for having chewed my ear off about it. Right man, wrong time - just my luck 😄

@Mila14 we were together nearly 3 years, the reasons for the break up are not that clear to me but what I do know is how emotionally unavailable he is and not able to communicate his own needs and wants,never mind take on board mine.
He's definitely regretting his decision otherwise why message me (I think he was testing the water to see if I replied, I did by saying Thank you and that was all)

@Slothmomma It's funny but not really that he spent the whole date talking about ex's!!
Soon it will be right man, right time🙂

Mila I agree it's about what stage of life you are at. Lots of them my age (40) Have older kids & are all about the holidays/weekends away & I can't do that while I've still got little ones... I'm more at the 'Lets have an adventure for the day before heading back to put the kids to bed'. Stage of life

Although I had this gem the other day, 'I live with my mum but I do some housework so she pays me for that & that's my beer money. I have my kids (age 2,3 & 4) one night a fortnight & if they wake up in the night mum sees to them so I don't get tired' (Age 46)

Thanks Sorting it out. He is, indeed, a knob.

SortingItOut

you sound a lot better , and I agree it’s strange he messaged you
fishing ? Anyway it’s a headfuck you don’t really need hey

this thing of men not being over their exes . It’s funny . I’m totally over mine , was over him before we split . But Balkan is very incomplete about his. I think women can talk it out a lot more with our girlfriends and ‘therapise’ more than men do ?

but what makes them thing it’s a topic for a date !?

@Slothmomma good luck tonight! Hope you have fun if nothing else. Love your attitude about Mr Tall too, it is good to know there are potential men out there…

@SortingItOut Why do you think you feel so differently now? So sorry about Mr K. What a head fuck. thanks for explaining for me also.

The artist stayed until nearly lunchtime and I’ve just finished a date with Mr Blonde… I still really enjoy snogging Mr Blonde and he’s growing on me, but my head is with the Artist. I think he (artist) tried to explain himself a few times last night but couldn’t find the words. I think he’s too soon out of his relationship and still hurting from that. I was going to send him a gentle message to just try and get clarity over whether he’ll never reciprocate my feelings because he just doesn’t feel the same as me, or if he just isn’t ready. Is that a stupid idea?