To think most men aren’t cut out for relationships?

[Curiousturle]

Most men don’t seem to be good at being partners, let alone the cheating, affairs, constantly on the look out for younger, prettier models etc ? Given half the chance most would shag around and so many look at porn, use sex workers etc. Many are selfish, don’t pull their weight at home etc

Most couples enter relationships having regular sex with each other, with an implicit understanding that that will continue. (They don't keep approaching each time they have sex as if it were the first time with someone new). As you say it's more often (though far from always) the woman who decides she doesn't want that understanding any more.

If you include that understanding as one of the defining characteristics of a relationship (as society largely does in many ways, and people mostly do as relationships start) then you could turn this on its head and say "women aren't really cut out for relationships, are they?"

a very interesting POV .

if my 58 year old, quite stylish and intelligent husband, sexy job was out there I guarantee he would get a lot of takers

this makes him sound like an E Type Jag that’s just gone up for auction on Bangers and Cash.

@Joey69 ha, ha- ironically he loves bangers and cash!!!!

That's making an assumption the apps are solely for casual sex.
Is the barometer of success a match or sex.🤔

No assumption - just reading what altmember wrote in the context of the discussion leading up to it. It was about "women being the gatekeepers to sex", not "women being the gatekeepers to marriage".

I think lots of men (and women), enjoy B&C, I sometimes see cars on the that I recognise from my Childhood or that my Dad used to have when I was a lad, very enjoyable

Judging by some of the threads on this Forum from women saying they have been with someone for X years and no proposal it’s probably fair to say the men are the gatekeeper of marriage., and what’s (possibly) worse is that in cold light of day you could easily say that marriage is a bad deal for men, in line with your comments above about it being women who decide they don’t want the sexual aspect anymore and with no fault divorce introduced in this country.
there are always threads on this forum from women looking for divorce advice and the most common seems to be make sure you get the house and half his pension !

I think to some extent both parties put on a bit of an act during the dating stage and this can give a false impression of what that person is really like. When marriage and kids come along then most people change and one of the parties, often the man, doesn’t like the new version of you.

My mum said “women marry expecting men to change” “men marry expecting women not to change” “both are often left disappointed” - I do agree with this to an extent.

@Joey69
Marriage is a good deal for men, bad for women.
Married men are healthier, live longer, are happier.
Where as opposite is true to married women.

Single women are happiest, single men are least happy.

Divorce is bad for men.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup
i have read that research as well, I didn’t believe then & I don’t believe it now (the male part only),
i think a lot of people (gender irrelevant) marry in haste to the 1st person who shows them any interest and after 5 / 10 years realise they have made a mistake and are “stuck “ and unhappy
I agree with your point about divorce being bad for men, I think a lot of men stay in bad marriages as they know the financial consequences of divorce, lots of men see their friends/ colleagues go through expensive divorces.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup

just add to this, I think men in committed LTRs are probably the happiest as you get all the things that come with being coupled up and and having someone to support you through life, but they also know that if the relationship goes south you don’t have the legal consequences of divorce to go through.

Yes, however, the wider context of their argument is common amongst men who cannot for whatever reason manage to find at least 1 woman. Some of them even have an issue with actually matching with anyone across all dating platforms. There is an implication that apps should enable everyone to GET sex easily. Obviously, the marketing doesn't tell people the reality of their experience. may differ.
I used apps extensively for 2yrs plus, never had an issue.

The other point was the implication that sex is part of marriage and when it stops, then the other wants to know why. Obviously, that's a complex issue.
My Eastern European DP thinks relationships have defined roles, her expectations are at complete odds with both feminism and accepted western norms.

Well, let’s hope thise were different men.

But I still don’t believe a man couldn’t get laid if he wanted to, only if he never goes out - then maybe, but that’s on him.
Most women who’s partners, picture’s of date/ hook-up’s I’ve seen aren’t attractive.
Women really don’t seem to care aboit the looks as much as men do.
No one is with a rich man, average men all around.
SO i just don’t believe you.

(And to add, they can always pay and be with an attractive woman as they want)

I’m a bit surprised by the assertion that most men are not good for relationships. I would say the oposite, most single men crave good relationships perhaps more than single women do.

But I am sorry to break the news that if you are looking for Mr Perfect, you are wasting your time, he is still happily married to his teen sweetheart and looking forward to an army of little grandchildren.

Nice good men do not stay single for long and they also tend to have the same high standards a woman looking for a nice man would have. Most men I have met in OLD would have made wonderful husbands for someone else, if we didn’t pursue things further was because either of us was not feeling the attraction or we didn’t have enough in common but they were lovely, respectful guys. Eventually I found my man, he is not perfect, neither I am but we have been a good few years together and everything is still going very well.

@GetThatHelmetOn
Most men probably just want someone to do the chores and have regular sex with, that really isin’t same as wanting a loving - fair companionship.

Also, you can be a good man / woman and be childfree / grandchildren free, not everyone is so conventional.

This is assuming the man earns more...

Not really, Divorcing is pretty shit irrespective of what you earn.

I can categorically say if DP wasn't here the housework would be considerably less.😂

I have never had a relationship where my husband/partner/boyfriend treated me like a maid with benefits.

I have never treated my partners in any other way that as equals. I understand though, that not being servile to men ( to an extent or to a extreme) is not particularly prevalent.