To think most men aren’t cut out for relationships?

[Curiousturle]

Most men don’t seem to be good at being partners, let alone the cheating, affairs, constantly on the look out for younger, prettier models etc ? Given half the chance most would shag around and so many look at porn, use sex workers etc. Many are selfish, don’t pull their weight at home etc

Your life must have been pretty bleak so far to come to that conclusion.

Also what's with conflating cheating with porn. Do you not understand how many women watch porn in relationships?

What concerns me is the naive and loving women and girls who get involved with all the idiots who don’t want relationships and don’t know how to communicate that.

Though I would add - my own mother was a cold, selfish cow. She couldn’t have a real relationship with a man to save her life - only a pretence one for show. LOTS of shallow vacuous women like that too.

Porn is pretty bleak tbh. Your name alpha suggests a man on MN and promoting twisted, wishful thinking. Jerk-off.

@vinnywoolf I love your post, you've pretty much said exactly what I was thinking, many men are a waste of space while all the best ones get taken.

I had a similar experience with many no-hopers/serial sex-fiends, so it took me until I was 23 to find my future husband, I've been married 14 years now and very happy. Good men do exist.

@TiredBeyondTired

Im a woman and don’t think porn is cheating or care about it. That’s a majority opinion with women I would say. Maybe not among those vocal about it on Mumsnet but in reality.

Unless I birthed my son out of my urethra not a man.

I think many of the "best men" soon turn out to be anything later on in life...

Some people like to believe they have an "amazing man" but who really knows what's going on (between their ears)?

@MaryChild Yeah good men do exist but there is a lot of dross to wade through, but its all a good learning experiance imo. I can laugh now of course but at the time it could be grim and I was so young to be exposed to all that stuff. It felt useful to type it out so people could see pre-internet dating was no picnic either, its always been a numbers game so some extent. Good "relationship ready" guys probably do get snapped up quickly though.

@MaxTalk I do get that some women think their guy is great but he turns out to be a creep later on sometimes I think their must be signs but of course I get it could happen to anyone. Luck is a big part of it and timing, right person at the right time and all that!

Considering the majority of women watch porn themselves I'd definitely say that's a majority view not to be bothered by their partners watching it.

Even if you have had bad experiences in the past, having this kind of blanket attitude won't do you any favours and is unlikely to make you happy in the long run. Maybe some counselling to unpick your experiences?

Get you entirely but people change. The whole "I met an amazing man when I was 25 and now x year later I am still in love and we shag like bunnies all week yada yada" is BS IMO.

People of course want to believe it but I bet in a lot of cases one or both parties are a bit bored/have outgrown their partner/would shag someone else given half a chance of not being caught.

I work with loads of men and know quite a number wouldn't say they are amazingly committed. Whether their partner knows that is something else of course...

@MaxTalk Thats a very cynical view, happy, loving and sexually satisfying marriages do exist where we aren't secretly longing to shag other people or fed up with each other. Perhaps they are rare, perhaps some people get lucky or are just good at growing with their partner to keep things interesting but you don't get to shit on other peoples happiness just because you've had a bad time of it.

@MaxTalk
If I had 25+ (or even 1 month+) relationship, I sure as hell would want it to have much more substance than ”shag like bunnies”, otherwise what’s even the point?

Erotica in written form is a huge industry and caters to women, millions of who also watch pornography.

Masturbation is as old as time.

Women can set their own bar.
I can not stand people who try and grt women to lower their standards.
If you bar is that low, fine, many women’s are.
Not watching and supporting sex industry is a bare minimum to me.
It’s really not high, let alone insanely high.

Agreed.

@MaxTalk what a sad outlook to hve on life.

Like the OP, and lots of posters on this thread, I suspect many people will see a repeating pattern in one partner after another, simply because they will accept poor behaviour as 'normal' and try and convince themselves that "all men" or even "most men" are like that, when it certainly isn't the case. Perhaps setting the bar a bit higher in the first place will bring different relationships.

Lol at the posters claiming that the majority of women watch porn 😂😂😂

Sex Life on Netflix was essentially porn. Or the 50 Shades film.

I don't watch porn. My son in law is my network manager, and I'm on his Netflix account. I go no further than an action movie.

@User135644 🙄 Do the majority of women watch those two programmes/films then? What utter bollocks!
The majority of women do NOT watch porn.

If the statement 'most men aren't cut out for relationships' were true, then I'd suggest the issue is the perception of relationships rather than the majority of men not being able to do something simply because they are men.

In my experience I'd say it isn't at all true. The vast majority of the men I've known are perfectly decent human beings who implicitly recognise that relationships require work and a bit of compromise. There will always be piss-takers, but with the ones I've been in relationships with those were the minority and they got sussed pretty quickly.

I don't see it as any of my business to police my partner's masturbation or viewing habits, so I couldn't care less whether they view porn or not. If I didn't think my partner had a firm grasp on the difference between fantasy and reality, then they wouldn't be my partner in the first place. Most people have functional imaginations so the porn is really just an embellishment of what their own brain is capable of doing in any case. It's not like people stay completely monogamous when they fantasise, so porn use is really neither here or there to me. And yes, masturbation aids and objects that exist for no other purpose than titillation have been a thing for millennia. Internet porn is really just a modern method of delivery for what humans have being doing since we lived in caves.

Dp and I watched Olivia Attwood's' Getting filthy rich'. 99% of the buyers of these services were men. I have to admit, as a man, I'm perplexed by these fantasists and the people that use pron in this way. It seems wholly dysfunctional.

I agree with the hobbies and addictions point made earlier, the devil makes work for idle hands. Although I do feel the current thinking on addiction takes away autonomy and accountability. I do feel accountability isn't popular in life let alone in relationships.

I am a bit jaded from having witnessed so many men in seemingly happy monogamous relationships who mess around behind their OH back. I’m sure lots of women do it too but I’m less aware of it/haven’t experienced it first hand.

I'm not really sure how many people of either sex are cut out for relationships to be honest, but being in a monogamous relationship is one of the most convenient setups for raising children, and generlly speaking women tend to have a stronger urge to have children than men do (and of course there's also the time pressure aspect for women that men don't have to worry about). So perhaps women have more incentive to try and both get into a relationship in the first place, then make it work once they're in one.

I also watched Olivia Attwood's' Getting filthy rich' and i think it needs a thread of its own. It was grim !

Absolutely this. Porn rewires the brain to connect images on screen to arousal.

The brain gets rewarded with doses of dopamine and oxytocin chemicals from masturbating to images, which in some people can lead addiction and viewing of more and more extreme images in order to maintain the arousal 'hit'. A porn dependency can lead to issues further down the road, and impact on relationships.

The availability of high speed internet has also given people access to view way way more sexually suggestive images in a day than they would have been able to see in a life time several years ago.

It's an issue where the long term impacts are only really starting to become understood in more detail.