To think most men aren’t cut out for relationships?

[Curiousturle]

Most men don’t seem to be good at being partners, let alone the cheating, affairs, constantly on the look out for younger, prettier models etc ? Given half the chance most would shag around and so many look at porn, use sex workers etc. Many are selfish, don’t pull their weight at home etc

@cheekychatta I agree and I think some women are quite naive about it. The number saying my partner/brothers/father are all committed and loyal- I'm sorry unless you have caught them out, you can't always know that you can just hope and presume . People don't usually advertise the fact they are being an underhand snake, when their general persona is good family man/woman !

One of the reasons women bother with men is because many women can't afford to be solo parents so they need the financial backing of a man to raise the child

Well we shouldn’t have such poverty wages in this country then should we?

@Crikeyalmighty

People who are narcissists are much more likely to cheat. You generally can tell who is a good loyal man and who isn’t. My friends boyfriends who were caught cheating were the type of men none of us were surprised that it happened. Not knowing anything about their history, but unless you’re a bad picker you can generally get a sense of people.

Not my experience although there are obviously men like that out there!

I also think people, men and women, can be completely shocked and appalled by others' cheating, whilst at it themselves. There's always a reason why you personally/your circumstances are different.

That said, I think some people are serial philanderers and others are basically decent. The decent ones do still have affairs though, just not so frequently/easily.

@ilyx The younger me would totally have agreed with you but at 60 I don't, because I've seen so many lovely friends especially in late40s and 50s totally blindsided by seemingly 100% normal nice family blokes in all kinds of different ways.escorts/webcamming/gambling/secret debt/ sexting/affairs/ - in a lot of cases this bad behaviour crept in once kids were older and more money and more time to be elsewhere etc - I think a lot of people get bored if I'm honest , but rather than channel this into healthy pursuits look for a bit of secrecy that gives them a buzz or an ego boost .

Oh and it applies to women too , I've known men blindsided as well.

So surely the answer is to educate women to the point male finance is not needed. Men become redundant except as sperm donors - and plumbers, car mechanics etc.

It's a model that works but has led to the Incel movement. I'm not sure that's a good thing.

the CEO has come into me

Typo?

So surely the answer is to educate women to the point male finance is not needed. Men become redundant except as sperm donors - and plumbers, car mechanics etc

No we need to stop having such poverty wages and access to affordable housing in this country. You realise how few well paid jobs exist compared to low paid jobs? We can’t give every woman in the country a high flying career no matter how well educated they are because there are more low level jobs in existence than high level ones.

@Whitefluffycushion

Tell yourself it’s the same if you want but we both know it’s nothing the same at all.

Excellent post by @Whitefluffycushion - the bottom but one post on P3.

I'd say a lot of men have an issue with some form of vice.
Alcohol
Drugs-coke- 2 friends have confessed to being on the drug 24/7-a friend was actually caught having a key whilst putting his baby to bed.😐
Gambling
Porn/prostitutes.

You are quite possibly right, but an awful lot of men don't.
I'd say the overwhelming majority.

People in general aren't designed for monogamy.

Like usually attracts like.

@User135644

More than anything else they probably are, unless you fancy being a sister wife. Some people aren’t designed for satisfaction no matter what. Could be a man cheating because he can, could be the woman who will always come to feel unfulfilled over time no matter how good her relationship.

Men watch porn that’s normal, if your bar for “good” man who can be in a relationship is no porn then that’s insanely high. Men have different needs. Don’t tolerate cheating.

Porn is normal unless it's an addiction.

Men are more visual so watch porn, women read it. There's a lot of money in 'romance' novels.

Some TV shows made for women are also borderline pornographic. Sex Life for example, a smash hit on Netflix.

Men watch porn that’s normal, if your bar for “good” man who can be in a relationship is no porn then that’s insanely high. Men have different needs.

Women can set their own bar.
I can not stand people who try and grt women to lower their standards.
If you bar is that low, fine, many women’s are.

Not watching and supporting sex industry is a bare minimum to me.
It’s really not high, let alone insanely high.
Men don’t have ’needs’ they may have libido - that’s fine, they can learn to use their imagination, no one has to have porn to masturbate.

Porn rewires the brain, so not healthy at all. Unless one has sex as people do in porn. I prefer real life rather than tugging away in one's bedroom. Sad. It's what 14 yr old boys do.😂
Ultimately it's regressive behavior, most men eventually meet someone, and have sex, it should be a revelation a stepping stone. Nope, back to the bedroom for sneaky wank.😂

I think there is a direct correlation between the mother son relationship and the husband/partner spouse relationship. My MIL allows my DP to talk to her like shit and then he tries that on me and it fails terribly and we fall out (happened yesterday).

Im raising my boys to behave in a completely different way. They absolutely will not talk to me disrespectfully or treat me like a skivvy and I honestly think they’ll be a future woman down the line who’ll be grateful I adopted that strategy.

@RudsyFarmer

What if your wrong and they hate you doing that so instead they seek out the biggest skivvy they can find?

Totally agree.

Never heard that but somehow it's convincing.

I was last single in the 90's and I was admittedly a teenager at the time but boyfriends or guys I was seeing (in a less serious way) were all not great to be honest.

1. Abusive dated him for 6 months before dumping him. Years later met a woman he dated for 7 years and he was abusive to her as well and essentially cycles through women looking for victims to this day as far as I know (there should be a register for emotionally and mentally abusive men), Never married but been engaged about 20 times.


2. Dated him for over a year not a horrible guy but unreliable and feckless, would have been an ok friend but was a pretty rubbish boyfriend. He is still single, has little to bring to the table, a liability.


3. Charismatic guy, dated for a few months he love bombed me before promptly losing interest when our relationship didn't magically "fix" him. Had a pattern for this behaviour in relationships, later became a heroin addict, went to prison for criminal stuff to fund his addiction, got clean, got therapy and I think is in a relationship now, still has a chaotic lifestyle but seems to be on a more even keel.


4. Dated him for a few months seemingly bright and fun guy but actually struggling with mental health and substance abuse issues. Very emotionally unavailable, still single 24 years later.


5. Was friends with him for a while at uni, he was "in love" with me until said ok then he ran a mile, rejected me very unkindly, avoided me like I was radioactive then went back to practically stalking me when moved on to another guy. Gave me grief throughout uni. Apparently had a similer pattern of obsession with girls he couldn't have until finally having a proper relationship in his mid 30's which ended when he we wouldn't commit to her. He is now 46 and still single, very bright guy a professor of AI now.


6. Guy 6 was a friend I dated for a few months, lovely guy I'm still friends with unfortunately I just didn't fancy him, he is now happily married.


7. Finally I'm getting closer Guy 7 was a nice guy, I asked him out. We fancied each other but there wasn't really a great connection / spark. He was slightly immature at that point but basically a good guy, he is now happily married.


8. Guy 8, Intelligent, reliable, really good looking, a great shag, hard working, educated, from similar backgrounds, great spark and connection. By this point I knew a good thing when I saw it and so I married him, still together and very happy 23 years later.

I left out other various miscreants, predatory older men or those who just wanted to use me for sex as I luckily managed to avoid them or at least most of them. So by my experiance more than half the guys I dated has serious issues or lack of suitability for long term relationships. This was all pre internet and online dating and the quality of guys was still ropey. In the past I used to wish I had not dated some of these guys at all but I also think it helped be to learn hard and fast about what men to avoid and to know a good thing when it came along!

🤣 I’ll update in twenty years and we’ll see who was right.