Biggest life changing regret.

[Nellynelnel]

Mine is not having children. The wondering of what my life would have been like if I did.

Do you have any life changes regrets? If so would you like to share?

I'm very very sorry. This makes other regrets seem trivial ❤️

My only real regret is around waiting to have my children. If me and now DH had had them a few years sooner, my dear dad would have been around to meet our 2 sons. I also think I would love to have seen my dad’s face when announcing the pregnancies, as when he was alive I always said I didn’t want kids until they could be grown in a jar and then handed to you after 9 months!! 😆

I 100% regret the person I used to be. I made poor decisions, regularly hurt people, took advantage of people and overall just fucked myself up. Sometimes I try to make excuses for myself because I was seriously mentally unwell but now I'm just mad at the person I was, despite the challenges I had.

I'm such a different person now and barely recognise who I was.

Yes, this is basically all of my regrets too. With family, with acquaintances, colleagues, I just bent over backwards my whole life.

Exactly this. Was also risk-averse in late teens and early 20s.

Didn't take opportunities for intimate relationships even though others were interested (bit of religious influence in there). Didn't trust my own instincts and was generally anxious about life. Married soon after university and had kids soon after that; rarely prioritised my own enjoyment.

For a while, felt bitter that I missed out. Now realise the better solution is to make up for lost time while I still can. About to retire early and throw caution to the wind a bit 😁

I went back to my home town and decided not to drop in to see my Dad. He died the following week completely unexpectedly.

It wouldn't have been a life-changing decision but I wish I'd got to see him that last time.

Moving out of London for the sake of getting on the property ladder with mum, DH and a DD1. The level of depression, PND after DD2, the dullness of the area, the insane struggles of living with DM, a house I have hated since day 1, and now the 2nd sale is 6 years has fallen through this week. It really was the dumbest decision ever. The societal pressure for home ownership was too strong I wonder?

I don't want to be back in London but would have loved to move into a Birmingham suburb, Stratford-upon-Avon, Leamington Spa, Solihull but now we are tied here in a boring part of the East Mids. No nice churches and communities to join, hardly any decent schools. What a fool I was! I am ready for an exciting move again but with DHs work it's hard to negotiate location moves as its already 30 minutes to his work.

I am trying hard to make the most of it, DD2 starts school in September. This move is the reason I am stopping at 2 children- I would have loved more.

First World problems and all that...

I regret having shit parents. I also regret not understanding the value of money. Got myself into a lot of debt in my early 20s so while my good friends travelled for 18 months I was sat in a shit job with my mother taking more than half of my pay as digs and not having enough to pay my debts.

Not being adopted when I was born to a single mother in the 1960s.
She was completely unable to look after me and had serious psychiatric problems.
My childhood was a poverty stricken nightmare and I grew up with complex PTSD due to neglect which has affected my whole life.
Funny there has been a lot in the news about the scandal of babies being forcibly adopted. I wish I had been.

I regret not running away to live with my Gran.

I regret every single moment I spent with my parents.

I regret not being able to have a fourth child.

Trying to please my mother for the first 50 years of my life. My mother is a classic narcissist and impossible to please. It took Mnet and dd to make me realise I wasn't the difficult one.

I wasted half a Century feeling inadequate and wanting to be the daughter my mother craved but was never good enough for her. Only when I had my own dc did I truly understand the meaning of unconditional love.

@Elvira2000 I have had strong suspicions I am ND and if I'd had better support I know I could have achieved more work and education wise. Mentally and emotionally I would be stronger. I hope you're feeling in control and mire understanding of yourself?

My biggest regret ever

I hadn't seen my dad for 2 years because of covid as he lived 6 hrs away by plane. He became unwell in March of this year. I didn't head straight home as we thought he was rallying. When I realised he would pass I flew home but missed him by 15 hrs. I wish I just flew home. Work and family would have figured themselves out.

Not moving to a different country in my 20s when I had the means and opportunity. I'm generally happy with my life here, it doesn't play on my mind every day, but whenever I stop and wonder how things might have been had I gone and tried it, even just for a year or two, it does make me quite sad! Funnily enough we did begin to look at moving to the same country as a family pre-Brexit but it just wouldn't have been the right decision for us at that point.

I suffer from anxiety. I regret all of the time I have spent worrying about things that have never happened. It helps that I finally worked out that the almost constant worrying was not what everyone does, but was in fact a MH issue, but I regret that I was into my 40s by the time the penny dropped.

I still have anxiety and I still regret the head space that pointless worrying takes up, but I can at least recognise it for what it is.

I sometimes regret 'settling'. I wish had had been more courageous when I was younger and taken time out to travel the world before settling into a career. I regret not leaving work years ago and believing that it was all I could do. I now pick and choose the work I take on - and I am so much happier.

I too would like to hear about this, and why you think stoke on Trent would have been a better decision for you and your family. Please!

Like some others, I regret not being more brave as a late teen/ early 20. I grew up in house where the answer to every request was 'no, we can't afford it' and we lived under the constant threat of my dad losing his job. As a result, I played it very safe. Too safe to even buy a house when I got my first job, in case I lost that job. What a tit. It was 2003. By 2006, when I was in position to buy, prices had doubled.

Not having a second child. Taking shit continuously from dps ex and not just putting my foot down and telling her to fuck off and leave us alone. (she is one big reason why I didn't have a second child as she terrorised us throughout my pregnancy and when Ds was tiny 😔)

Second to that, not moving abroad when we had the chance.

But you don’t know you’d be happy if you’d had children. Many people regret having children for various reasons but if we hadn’t had them we wouldn’t understand those reasons.

Regrets are pointless because often something that you initially regret turns out to be a helpful learning experience. And I often look back at my life and wish I’d done things differently and been a better mother but when I think it though, I was doing the very best I could given the circumstances and the wisdom (or lack of) that I had at that time. What if I’d had them later and we’d had health problems? I could regret being in an emotionally abusive relationship for seven years but without that experience I wouldn’t have the same knowledge I have about people and relationships that is very useful to me.

Living a chaste, sober, prim and proper life until my mid-20s for fear of my religious DM disapproval. Making all of my decisions for that reason, actually. Quitting my languages degree that I was so passionate about and training in a profession to appease her. Never travelling because uni summers were for working myself to the bone in the name of financial stability.

I love my DM but very glad I got the courage to open up my world view before it was too late.

Not having enough life experience to recognise the tide of red flags with my first husband.

I was touched by your post, too, @Rotherweird but I love the response from @resuwen

Not buying a house in my preferred area quickly when I had the money. Within months prices had rocketed and out of reach. Had to move away to buy

Having one of my DC. She has a chronic disease and suffers a great deal. On her bad days I wish I hadn't brought her into the world.

Not picking up my brother's electric guitar and learning how to play it to my satisfaction. Thereafter joining a band and playing fabulous guitar music every night of my life.