Hi all, I was just hoping for some words of wisdom on how to deal with this situation because it is very raw and I feel very emotional. Please look at this objectively and I ask that the first response isn't "throw this one back" I just need some advice on what to do if anything.
I met a guy of tinder some while ago, he was very open from the get go and said he was separated but not yet divorced. He explained his wife and him drifted apart owing to the nature of his work and lock down making it worse. They share a pre-teenage daughter whom he sees at weekends.
Twice during the relationship he told me I deserved better and tried to push me away, but I told him no, I took a chance on him because he was decent and kind, made me feel like I mattered and I truly believed he was my one.
Some months went past and we have settled nicely into a relationship and then he is due for promotion at his work place. His workplace want him to spend some time overseas also.
Upon handovers with his wife he informed her of this and this has started to pique her interest.
A further two times he told me she got upset that he was going away and that he should be accompanying her and their daughter on a trip abroad they have in the summer instead of going overseas to work.
I have to stress this man has been nothing but open and honest with me about everything, I fully believe he was/is separated and wasn't just biding his time.
This week, his wife asked to meet with him after work and he went there and she has in essence said they should put their differences aside and try again for the sake of their daughter.
This prompted him to immediately send me a war and peace message with how much he loves me but he wants more time with his daughter and he is torn.
We spoke on the phone and please believe me when I say he was distraught, over and over again he kept telling me he loved me, I have never known anyone to have been so upset. He said he loves me, but he also loves his daughter and having the chance to have her back home as he missed out on the early years through work it is pulling him greatly. He said he thought we should seperate whilst he thought about things as it wasn't fair to me to keep me waiting.
I was brutally honest with him on the phone and said that if he goes back, to never contact me ever again if this doesn't work out.
He said a life going back to his wife would be miserable and they would be more like brother and sister or house mates, there is zero passion in their relationship and he is not in love with her... even he said he did not know how he would be able to do it, but he is considering it for the sake of his daughter.
We exchanged various WhatsApp's over the course of the evening and he reiterated that he has not said yes to her and that he has just said he needs time to think because it has been almost three years of separation.
When I went to sleep, he sent me a message whilst I was asleep to tell me he couldn't have me walk out of his life and he'll tell her no, the current set up with his daughter is working fine and after his promotion he is likely not even get to see her that much during the week in any case.
In essence, this feels to me like he acted in haste by messaging me immediately after meeting his wife and he regrets it.
Just to be clear, it is the wife that wants him back and not the other way around.
I told him I am angry in the way in which he has handled things, and thought we would deal with this together rather than him saying we should separate via text message, this felt so disrespectful.
I am now torn as to what to do, he is about go away for several weeks and I will not see him (no he isn't going away with the wife)
I have been proud and not messaged him since we spoke last.
To be honest, I feel pretty heartbroken.
I feel like I was just an after thought and he had absolutely no respect for me whatsoever to send me a message.
I feel like he will forever be beholden to the wife and that she has this hold over him with his daughter as the daughter lives full time with her (he only sees her at weekends)
He's expressed he cannot let me walk out of his life after consideration and is begging me not to block and delete him, however once again, I feel like an afterthought.
Please tell me what I should do because every fibre of my being wants to call him to say ok let's try again, but the pride in me is refraining because I told him he would only have one chance of happiness.
Does he sound genuine? a chancer? like someone who has made a mistake?
I just don't know.