Boss annoyed/upset I don't want to spend my days off with him

[gherkinsaplenty]

NC as I don't want this linking to my other posts.
I started working for an elderly widower a few months ago. It's been great because it fits around the kids and is within walking distance.
From the start he's asked about days out with me and the kids. I've never agreed to anything and have gently said no thank you. He wants to pay for everything and there's just so much that makes me feel uncomfortable.
He tells me far too much information about his marriage to his late wife including about their sex life.
He tells me inappropriate jokes that ex work mates have told him along with lots of inappropriate stories about them and their infidelities.
He drinks heavily and drives the next morning as well as back from the pub.
He makes me feel like I need to justify doing things that's just me and the kids.
He's always offering me lifts and I won't accept because he's bloody dangerous when I have been in the car with him. He's hit 3 vehicles lately and not even noticed, pulls out without indicating, pulls out in front of moving traffic. I'm stressed thinking he's going to need me to go somewhere with him.
I'm working at his home essentially doing a house clearance before he moves into a retirement apartment next year. I really enjoy the work but I'm getting/got the serious ick about him and feel uncomfortable.
Despite saying I could work around the kids and not during the holidays he expects me to take them with me to his and wants me to work every day of the summer holidays. I've told him no and he's almost sulking. The dc have got an inset day tomorrow and we are off out for the day. He's upset because he thought he could take us out somewhere and was looking forward to it even though I never said yes to his invitation. He keeps grumbling about it and making out I've let him down. He has his own grown up dc and a few grandchildren and I know he's lonely but I don't want to be spending my days off with my boss. I'm a carer for a family member too and between my dc and caring I don't have much time to do anything. He phones me every day at least twice including on my days off and there are numerous texts too. I've now switched off my voicemail service and adjusted my phone to only allow certain people to contact me outside of work hours. I only do 12 hours a week or so but with the frequent phone calls and voicemails and texts it's more like 18 hours. I'm a single parent and the money has been great but I feel like jacking it in now. I feel so uncomfortable with it all. Despite being totally inappropriate he is very kind and generous and funny and I have enjoyed the job but this latest sulk over a day out and me saying no to going away with him in the summer has tipped me over into dreading work now. He's said to stop messaging him and let the dust settle. I'm here thinking there's no dust to settle, I just told him thank you but no. I'm autistic and get things wrong so often with navigating situations. I hate confrontation too and I'm annoyed he's doing this.
How do I keep things professional?

[gherkinsaplenty]

The police have phoned and are dealing with him. If he continues I'm to report him again.

[DFOD]

@gherkinsaplenty

The police have phoned and are dealing with him. If he continues I'm to report him again.

Looks like they are taking this seriously……

I am glad this is now being dealt with in an official, public and professional capacity

[Shoemadlady]

Explain that you enjoy working for him but that there are boundaries that need to be maintained. Then word for word spell out those boundaries. Explain that if he fails to respect them that he'll have to look for someone else.
Give him the opportunity to change and if he doesn't after being told, hand in your notice. He is completely inappropriate x

[gherkinsaplenty]

The are dealing with it as harassment and are dealing with the drink driving separately. He needs banning from driving.

[gherkinsaplenty]

I thought I might feel bad about it but I really don't. I feel relieved his drink driving will be dealt with mostly but also that I have the police support to be left alone and don't have to worry about letters through the door or him popping round or anything.
We are going away this weekend to a place he was pushing to join us at. I'm going to enjoy it so much more knowing that will never happen. He doesn't know we are going this weekend either so even better and it's 4 hours away. Bliss!

[DFOD]

Well done with the drink driving thing also - you could have saved someone’s life.

[gherkinsaplenty]

Yes, that was what was bothering me most. I'd walked away so there was no continued problem with his inappropriate comments but the drink driving troubled me greatly. He knew how I felt about it to and seemed to delight in telling me how much he'd drink at the pub then go home and drink 2 more pints and drive the next day. He's a small man too so probably more affected by the alcohol. He admitted he was alcohol dependent but said if he was breathalysed he'd pass depute several pints at the pub in the suave of about 90 minutes. That's done going to drink about 4 or 5 pints in that time. If he gets done for drink driving it will totally screw up his independence and also his ability to see his family. He should have thought of that though. He's driving up to his daughters in Scotland in a couple of weeks and going down south next week. I dread to think of the danger he puts others in. I don't know if the police will speak to him about the drink driving. They are aware of his haunts and habits and his car registration and will be on the look out for him. Hopefully it won't be long before they catch him.
Thank you to everyone who has posted here and helped me see this through. You've reinforced and helped me remember the teachings of the freedom programme. I won't be looking for any other employment any time soon because I'm caring for my mum full time.

[gherkinsaplenty]

Oh god, I saw him today and had to change my route home as he'd seen me and started towards me and followed me a wee while and shouted my name. Was very unsettling.

[wellhelloitsme]

Please call the police to let them know he tried to engage you and followed you while calling your name today OP.

It's important it's logged that he hasn't listened to your very clear instructions to cease all contact.

Sorry OP, he's awful.

[LuckyLil]

Really sweetheart, you need to tell the police this has happened. There is no reason he should be following and calling out to you. He should be leaving you alone.

[gherkinsaplenty]

I have reported it. I felt really freaked out as he was obviously on a mission to talk to me. No thanks.

[wellhelloitsme]

You poor thing, I'm so angry for you.

Horrible, creepy man.

Well done for reporting him, I hope they were helpful?

[gherkinsaplenty]

I've reported online and linked it to my original report as an update. He is very creepy and so inappropriate.

[DFOD]

Well done for reporting.

He needs his wings clipped by the authorities ASAP.

Keep strong.

[gherkinsaplenty]

Ffs he came round again yesterday and put another letter through the door wanting to know what I want to do about selling the things I've returned to him. I'm really angry now. Another two pages about what he's doing and telling me he needs an answer addressed to me and the dc. He's been recorded on my ring doorbell and again reported to the police.

[wellhelloitsme]

Addressed to you and the kids is especially unnerving I bet OP. Ugggh you poor thing what a horrible man he is.

I'm so pleased you keep reporting to the police - have they spoken to him directly yet do you know? And have they shared any idea of what happens next if he doesn't stop contacting you?

So sorry, I know how violating it is as I was a victim of stalking that ended up with a conviction for him and a lot of upset and therapy for me.

I'm so hoping the police can put him off continuing to contact you

[gherkinsaplenty]

They are always written on an envelope or both the envelope with a letter inside but never sealed so dc could easily read it if they wanted to. He posts the letter then rings the bell and walks away so he wants the letter to get attention straight away. He's creepy as fuck. Said it was a shame I turned away from him the other day. No it's not, we legged it's because you're a creepy dirty old man. He's the living stereotype of one. Ugh. Thank god he's going on holiday again today for 2 weeks.

[wellhelloitsme]

@gherkinsaplenty

They are always written on an envelope or both the envelope with a letter inside but never sealed so dc could easily read it if they wanted to. He posts the letter then rings the bell and walks away so he wants the letter to get attention straight away. He's creepy as fuck. Said it was a shame I turned away from him the other day. No it's not, we legged it's because you're a creepy dirty old man. He's the living stereotype of one. Ugh. Thank god he's going on holiday again today for 2 weeks.

Ugh. He's awful.

Have the police previously given you a plan of action as to what should / will happen next of he doesn't stop - which has hasn't?

[DFOD]

Have you give the police his daughters contact details? Maybe they could have a word with her?

[gherkinsaplenty]

I'm tempted to contact her myself but it won't be a good idea. I'm going to call the police later and speak to them directly. I'm not sure if they have actually spoken to him. The officer said he was going to but I don't know if he did.

[StressedOutMumBex]

@gherkinsaplenty

They are always written on an envelope or both the envelope with a letter inside but never sealed so dc could easily read it if they wanted to. He posts the letter then rings the bell and walks away so he wants the letter to get attention straight away. He's creepy as fuck. Said it was a shame I turned away from him the other day. No it's not, we legged it's because you're a creepy dirty old man. He's the living stereotype of one. Ugh. Thank god he's going on holiday again today for 2 weeks.

OP, I would send letter and footage to the police and update your report, specifically state that he is addressing stuff to you and your children. You should ask them to visit him and explain that you have reported him for harassment so they explain this clearly to him so he understands that you are never going to respond and that he is likely to be arrested if he keeps it up. So sorry this man wont go away.

[wellhelloitsme]

OP, I would send letter and footage to the police and update your report, specifically state that he is addressing stuff to you and your children. You should ask them to visit him and explain that you have reported him for harassment so they explain this clearly to him so he understands that you are never going to respond and that he is likely to be arrested if he keeps it up. So sorry this man wont go away.

Absolutely this.

I'm so sorry OP I've been stalked before and while people can understand in principle how intrusive and skin crawlingly horrible it is, it wasn't until it happened to me that I truly understood.

It preoccupies you and is hard not to think about. You're doing really well and definitely right to report absolutely everything.

[gherkinsaplenty]

I've contacted the officer who is in charge of the case to update them personally now I know his contact details. At the moment I don't know if he spoke to this horrible man or if it's on his to do list. Even if he hasn't yet spoke to him you'd think he'd have got the message after my letter telling him not to contact me and me not replying to any of his letters along with essentially running away from him the other day.

[DFOD]

Stick with the police - as PP have pointed out now involving your DCs names is another seedy manipulative step.

You now have physical evidence - especially around safeguarding of children. That must up their risk profile.