Boss annoyed/upset I don't want to spend my days off with him

[gherkinsaplenty]

NC as I don't want this linking to my other posts.
I started working for an elderly widower a few months ago. It's been great because it fits around the kids and is within walking distance.
From the start he's asked about days out with me and the kids. I've never agreed to anything and have gently said no thank you. He wants to pay for everything and there's just so much that makes me feel uncomfortable.
He tells me far too much information about his marriage to his late wife including about their sex life.
He tells me inappropriate jokes that ex work mates have told him along with lots of inappropriate stories about them and their infidelities.
He drinks heavily and drives the next morning as well as back from the pub.
He makes me feel like I need to justify doing things that's just me and the kids.
He's always offering me lifts and I won't accept because he's bloody dangerous when I have been in the car with him. He's hit 3 vehicles lately and not even noticed, pulls out without indicating, pulls out in front of moving traffic. I'm stressed thinking he's going to need me to go somewhere with him.
I'm working at his home essentially doing a house clearance before he moves into a retirement apartment next year. I really enjoy the work but I'm getting/got the serious ick about him and feel uncomfortable.
Despite saying I could work around the kids and not during the holidays he expects me to take them with me to his and wants me to work every day of the summer holidays. I've told him no and he's almost sulking. The dc have got an inset day tomorrow and we are off out for the day. He's upset because he thought he could take us out somewhere and was looking forward to it even though I never said yes to his invitation. He keeps grumbling about it and making out I've let him down. He has his own grown up dc and a few grandchildren and I know he's lonely but I don't want to be spending my days off with my boss. I'm a carer for a family member too and between my dc and caring I don't have much time to do anything. He phones me every day at least twice including on my days off and there are numerous texts too. I've now switched off my voicemail service and adjusted my phone to only allow certain people to contact me outside of work hours. I only do 12 hours a week or so but with the frequent phone calls and voicemails and texts it's more like 18 hours. I'm a single parent and the money has been great but I feel like jacking it in now. I feel so uncomfortable with it all. Despite being totally inappropriate he is very kind and generous and funny and I have enjoyed the job but this latest sulk over a day out and me saying no to going away with him in the summer has tipped me over into dreading work now. He's said to stop messaging him and let the dust settle. I'm here thinking there's no dust to settle, I just told him thank you but no. I'm autistic and get things wrong so often with navigating situations. I hate confrontation too and I'm annoyed he's doing this.
How do I keep things professional?

Yes all the nice things are part of the nasty - they are done to drawn you in, make your feel obligated and guilty etc total manipulation.

Don’t beat yourself up about not knowing that - he’s likely very “charismatic and kind” - part of his repertoire and tool kit.

No one else would see it immediately. But you have now. He is proven to be a very dangerous man - he hasn’t let it go - and he might well wreak revenge or rage. Please get ahead of this and take every measurable precaution by involving the authorities.

TBH, I think that could be considered "grooming" much more readily than kindness, given some of his other behaviours/statements.

OP, although it is not her fault, I would tell his daughter that if there is any further contact from him you will go to the police. Even if his stories about his youth are just an odd form of bragging, he is not some fragile housebound man who spends all his time in a wheelchair and can't effectively do much. Don't let your doubts about your judgement blind you to the real situation.

OP, I think you are right to have a chat with the Police and see what they say. I would also advice them of his drinking habits and driving habits.

He is not kind, he is grooming you.

I agree, it's grooming. It's sickening. I keep coming back to the fact he wouldn't have done any of this if I was a man. He wouldn't have even said about me working for him if I was a man. The job wasn't advertised, it was opportune (and potentially outing as unique situation) so again, no man would have been offered the job.

I've done an online chat with the police and they have asked me to make a report online and an officer will contact me. I am not going to contact the daughter now but leave it in the hands of the police. They have said if he contacts me again then it will constitute harassment.

I am glad to hear that you have done that and that the police are taking it seriously.

I hope this brings you some peace - but please remain vigilant - don’t take any risks or feel any need to engage or be polite with this character.

He is still a manipulative and vile sexual predator with capacity for volatility and violence - who is still pursuing you and your children.

He goes away this weekend for a week or so so I can relax knowing he won't come to the house again.
I doubt the police will do anything but at least it will be recorded.

You've done the right thing.

I think so too, as much as I didn't want to I'm concerned that someone else and her dc could be targeted along with the drink driving danger.

Well done OP, you've definitely done the right thing

Well done OP.

You have done the right thing.

He may be grooming you, the signs are there. End it now.

Sorry, I hadn't seen the recent posts-obviously do what the other posters have suggested-hope you're OK.

The police have emailed me a crime reference number and will be in touch.

That’s good progress in the right direction. I hope you can feel some level of reassurance that you have taken important steps.

I agree with other posters, prioritise looking for other jobs. This cannot work. If he won't hear 'no' and won't respect the boundary between at work and not at work then he feels he owns you...........

My friend has only just got herself out of a very similar situation. She's Irish living in Spain and at first she thought she'd landed on her feet when a 70 something English man was going to pay her a very fair amount for a bit of housekeeping and feeding his dogs but obviously he wanted MORE. Not sex, but he did make creepy comments and he was always offering to drive her places. When he did, he'd make a big meal out of doing her seatbelt for her. That was only the tip of the iceberg. Luckily she's found a new job now.

oh wow, sorry, I should have rtft. I read the first page!

I checked Jed he was definitely away earlier then took a load of things and put them in his outhouse which is never locked. I'll take the rest of the things tomorrow. It feels good to have got rid of all the clothes and shoes that were taking up so much space here. Two massive suitcases full. The cases were his too. Once it's all taken back I will properly breathe a sigh of relief.

Well done for going to the Police. Hopefully this will be the end of it now. Best of luck with the job hunt

Checked he was away that should have said. No idea who Jed is!

Everything has been returned now and I feel relieved.

I a very glad for you. Hopefully this is the end of the matter.

Well done. Be proud that you walked away and have extricated yourself completely.
Savour that sense of relief.

I truly hope that's the end for you, but without wanting to sound like the voice of doom, be prepared for it not to be. You've done the right things but it would be worth planning ahead (at least considering) what you will do if there is further contact.

Absolutely this.

Well done OP.