Worst things your parents did/said to you? I’m struggling

[Lkjhgfck]

Just that really. On the outside it’s all very lovely and nice and looks like I had it all. My parents have been my emotional bullies my whole life.

I'm so sorry. That is shit, and they should not have said those things or anything like that

'I wish you'd never been born'

I hate you
I wish I'd never had you
I don't have a daughter
You are worthless
No one will ever want to marry you
You are going to hell
No one likes you, they just feel sorry for you

I've been NC for 15 years now

The one that sticks out for me was when I was about 13 “I love you because you’re my child, but I hate you as a person”. Thanks mum!

I don't actually remember much of my childhood tbh
I certainly can't remember my mother before she started drinking when I was around 12
Think I've blocked a lot of it out

from my mother'Your dad's going to kill himself and it's all your fault'

Mine was what my dad said to me at the age of 26 after finding out he had been having an affair with a woman 20 years younger than my mum.

I'm telling my dad I was scared I was going to lose him, his response was:

'You will unless you accept OW'

'I've given you enough years of my life now, I won't be putting you first anymore'

Just to add, this was the dad that never spent anytime with me as a kid. Always working. Never came to sports days, nativity's. Never showed any interest in me. Never told me he loved me, always put me down. Told me I wasn't good enough at school and needed to try harder even though I was trying my best.

I'm currently in therapy and realised he's played a massive part in the downfall of my life.

Also I mentioned to him not long ago that one of my old childhood friends had a daughter who passed away at the age of 12. We were pregnant together and I felt obviously absolutely devastated for her.

My dads response: 'oh well everyone dies'.....

'

Recently a therapist tasked me with listing all the messages I received as a child. It was eye opening (and I had a supportive and happy childhood and mum was one of the most positive influences in my and many other lives).

“I wouldn’t have XX medical conditions if I hadn’t had you”

”the doctors told me not to have you”

Variations on the above which has led to a lifetime of a guilt and an ingrained sense of duty in terms of providing care.

What hurt more, though, were all the things that weren’t said, no “well done” or really many “I love you”’s. No “please” or “thank you” when asking for things to be done. And an abject inability to keep things I disclosed in confidence to themselves.

@Naunet OMG that is soo mean 😱😱😱

“The doctors told me you’d be disabled and I’d have stuck a pillow over your head”

”no man will ever want a fat woman”

offered my abusive ex money to take the kids away from me. In a shocking turn of events, even he considered that beyond the pale.

she died 2 years ago and I’m now building a good relationship with my dad.

‘You’ll never get married, you’re just not the sort of person who does.’

Next year is my fortieth wedding anniversary.

i think the worst one for me, and it sounds so innocent- in fact I see it said here all the time. Said repeatedly, not always even to me, but about me, in my presence.

”kids are resilient”

i had been through a pretty horrific trauma, and was expected not only to crack on as normal, but to be a support for her.

it’s had far reaching effects throughout my life. I’ve never had, nor ever will help dealing with it. it was treated like a glitch, one day where the world shifted, then everyone went back to normal leaving me in some sort of alternate universe.

Therapy has been eye opening. I always knew my dad was a bit of a twat but I loved him regardless. Now I realise how abusive he was to us all and ended up wrecking our entire family with having an affair - which came to light on Xmas day of all days!

Now have firm boundaries set him place, i don't walk to the end of the earth trying to please him anymore in order to get love off him. I'll always have a relationship with him but I've accepted it will never be the one I need.

I've recently been through the worst 8 months of my entire life and he's not been there so that says it all.

But I have turned it around on my children, they know how loved they are from me and I fill them with as much confidence as I can which is sort of healing for me also.

I had similar OP, all lovely on the outside in public etc and I still speak to and see my parents because I can see my mum was suffering with mental health issues and needed support that wasn't given.
I had a lot of I wish you'd never been born, you have ruined my life etc. but the standout one was when I was about 10 me and my sister had been fighting I can't remember over what but my mum grabbed me by my hair and screamed into my face 'I hate you' I can still feel her breath and spit on my face when I think about it and its probably the one moment in my childhood I will never forgive her for not matter how much we've patched up our relationship.

Mum:
You're evil, no one likes you
You've failed at life
Your gran (who I adored) says you've changed as an adult (not in a good way)
You caused your sister's appendicitis (age 12)
I know my family is a disaster (when I dared ask if there was maybe a reason my siblings and I all suffer from mental health issues - didn't include herself in that statement and has never apologised for any of her behaviour)
Lots of personal opinions on my appearance - you should wear more makeup (age 14), you look severe with your hair up (age 14-15, I still don’t wear hair back in my 40s), why can't you dress more glamously (age 14). My sister and I have major body/appearance issues.

Dad: completely disinterested narcissist.

I've had anxiety and depression on and off over years but counselling has massively helped. I've gone close to NC but just keep them at arms length, although they rarely bother with me or their grandchildren anyway.

Oh, and “don’t be silly” in response to any worries I voiced - grew up feeling I had no one who bothered to understand me or care about my feelings, I was always brushed off.

So so much! As an only child I'd wish for a sibling... queue the 'do you want your mum to die, she's almost in and wheelchair and it's your fault'

Even just the other day the comment "we always said that 'so long as you were good in public it didn't matter how awful you were at home' " - I wasn't a bad child even as a teen, my self confidence and belief is low and I never believe in myself.... can't imagine why.

I've nodded to many of these, so sad

Lots of emotional blackmail. Hit me with a board and a stick. Pretended to leave home when I was very young and stand at the bus top with her bag. I remember screaming for her to come back. Got cross if I wasn't better than my friends at school. Cut my hair and nails so short it was painful and I looked like a boy and got teased and bullied at school. Ignored me if she was upset. The list goes on and on................................! The worst one and the my hurtful was when we went into a material shop and she told the assistant that I was too chubby for a normal dress and she would have to make me one!!! I was 8.

You poor people. I find it hard to imagine a mother or father could be so nasty to their own child. I hope you now realise none of it was your fault no matter what the abusive parents said. I hope you now have better lives with family who love and support you.

Out of too many to list, possibly the worst, when I was pregnant with dd1 and the subsequent 2; ' you don't know how lucky you are - you can get an abortion, I had to have you'