Worst things your parents did/said to you? I’m struggling

[Lkjhgfck]

Just that really. On the outside it’s all very lovely and nice and looks like I had it all. My parents have been my emotional bullies my whole life.

And she was a widow so it was just me and her. I had none to turn to. Lots of other stuff too but I still bloody loved the woman

On me receiving my exam results (including a grade A when A's actually meant something meaningful):
"O'levels? O means ordinary. Everyone should be able to pass those".

When adult with family we were discussing when I was at school DM said. Dr N (Young family Dr we had then) said that he thought you would make a good doctor and he would help. But I said no thank you. You couldn't have managed that could you?
I would have liked the chance to try!!

Ooh ouch. Interesting that you recognise HER barbed comments...

After coming home stressed because a man took his penis out in the street in front of me in Broad daylight:
'Well, you should have walked the other way!'
When I said that aged 18, my driving instructor asked me to sit on his knee:
'Well, what were you wearing??'
Many more to come from my now estranged mother.

words to the effect that if she hadnt had a third child <<me>> my father would not have had an affair causing the breakup

My heart goes out to you. It has taken me a very, very long time to reach a point of peace. In part, I just got older, older than either of them were when they were in the role of parenting me. In part because I gained information + insight, into the elements that created the capacity to cause so much damage.

Eventually, having regarding “forgiveness will set you free” as a saying that should be burned at the stake for many decades, forgiveness came, albeit unexpectedly and uninvited. It arrived very very slowly, at its own natural pace, with a lot of difficult emotional processes in the meantime. And it did set me me free.

I don’t think it should ever be an expectation, nor a demand that the wounded should perform the act of forgiveness on demand, like it’s a magic pill we can just take to be “healed”. But for our sakes, it is worth knowing that for some of the people, some of the time, with the right resources and ample support, as a concept it can eventually leave peace where the painful turmoil used to live.

A huge hug. I know what a long, painful road this is to be given as your route through life. I wish there were more resources for the now adult children of parents who made life impacting errors of judgment and prioritisation.

My mother had a way of losing me.

Age 7 or 8 lost in the wilderness for most of the day and nobody came to find me.
Same age. Left me at a public beach where I nearly drowned.
Went to the public toilet by myself. Was trapped as door was too heavy to open until someone came in which was at least an hour. Never bothered to check on me.
I graduated top of my class with honours at uni and she refused to come to my graduation.

Baby elephant
ugly duckling
given the wrong baby in the hospital

on and on…

My mother: Called me a bitch on my 11th birthday - I'm now 53 and to this day both myself and my two brothers have no idea what inspired that lovely reaction from my her.

Took advantage of my divorce at just 23 to emotionally blackmail me into spending all of my financial settlement - a grand total of £7K - into moving her and all her repo antique shit furniture back to Australia from the UK...where it promptly all fell apart. She was also back in the UK only a year later...I might as well have taken those thousands of pounds and set fire to them.

@Mangolist I used to get a variant of that whenever I dared to suggest I was pro choice...'I was offered an abortion when I got pregnant with you, but I had you'...little does she know that I've had two abortions with absolutely zero regrets or guilt.

For staying with my father after he did what I describe below.

My father: For not having the balls to admit to my mother that he didn't want the family life anymore and instead trying to dump all of us back in Australia when I was nearly 12. Unfortunately my mother rumbled his plan at the last minute and made him come back with us. We ended up only staying there for 18 months and then it was more disruption, and we were back in the UK. Would have been far better for all of us if his plan had actually worked out.

When I was 17 and was in a bad car accident...he didn't bother coming back from his job abroad, even though he had literally months of annual leave owed to him. Also for not bothering to contact me when he found out I had been diagnosed with cancer at 21. He was too busy hiding from my mother so he didn't have to pay her the money he still owed her from their divorce...

There's tonnes more for both of them. They were shit parents and never should have had children.

If anyone needs to know, a woman called 'Peg Streep' writes brilliant books and has a Facebook page for these very issues. She's really good and empathetic.

@gingersplodgecat a's are still meaningful , in that sentence you just put a load of people down in one go

I swear to God, I'll haunt you when I die

And....No man will ever want you

At 11 - you're the reason I didn't divorce your dad. Blamed myself for years for her unhappy life. Then had my own kids and truly understood that I was child and it wasn't my fault.

They're both still married - and unhappy. Not my problem... or my fault.

Forgot to mention that my mother also blames me for my father leaving her for another woman when I was 21. Apparently if I hadn't had the nerve to get married and 'made him feel old' he wouldn't have had the affair.

Even though he'd been unfaith to her more or less constantly since I was 4. I've had over 30 years of hearing that one.

*unfaithful

Apart from the usual shit about contraception and abortions not being easily available at the time, what a horrible child I was, etc, one that sticks in my mind was that I was sent away to stay with my older sister for my 5th birthday when she had her appendix out/nearly died.

I apparently caused appendicitis and septicaemia/nearly killed her through liking standing and bouncing on her belly when I was a toddler. Yep. All my fault. As was the pelvic prolapse and repair - not the fact she'd had five children, zero core strength through never exercising, morbid obesity and age, I singlehandedly and seemingly deliberately made her organs 'drop out' ten years after I was born.

I remember having a moment of doubt about whether the appendicitis was possible and asking a teacher, but I never really believed it. My half siblings did, though. Just another reason for them to hate me, I guess.

It was not what my parents said to me that was the shocker - it was the neighbours asking me if I was adopted.
That was how far removed I was as a child from the family. Disregarded and not wanted.

Slightly different ie not on the I wish you’d never been born but my mum said, when I was a little girl “ I’d kill myself if it wasn’t for you”. That sets you up for a lifetime of feeling responsible for keeping her happy!!

Mother, when I was a tween, told me I'd only been conceived as a bargaining tool to get the living room decorated and a new sofa.

Father, when diagnosed with a serious health condition in my early 20s and I asked for help, he recommended I killed myself and save everyone the hassle of dealing with me. My sibling backed up his suggestion.

Naunet
I was told similar as an 11/12 year old. I then deemed myself as unlikeable, went on to be horrendously bullied in high school and assumed her opinion was in fact correct. I have spent my life avoiding being around people too often as I worry they will tire of me, hate me, reject me.

Oh the irony! Still, very mean to say directly to a child on receipt of their exam results though.

Sorry for all the experiences on this thread.

After my mother fell asleep with a fag in her hand and burnt her flat out in Bristol, she told my brother and sister I died in the fire. I was 2 and was put in care. One of my 'Foster' auntie's would lock all the doors in her house and keep me in the kitchen. She'd say 'we don't know where you've come from, can't trust you if your anything like your mother" I subsequently emptied her purse of £40 & done a runner. Lot of money in 1973...

Oh I totally get you & I've a long list 🥴

"Daddy hasn't just left me for another woman, he's left you for another little girl" to my 8 yo self when they split up for a couple of years.

You had a nose job, you've ruined your face because it now looks like dads nose instead of mine... I'd actually had extensive sinus surgery & was still just out of hospital & should have been resting, not travelling the length of the country to visit them for Xmas

Frequent "Little girls should be seen & not heard" if ever I dared to have an opinion or even speak at times ...fuck off

Constantly telling me how clumsy I was & to keep out of shops so as not to knock things over & embarrass her, how my many injuries were my own fault for being stupid & clumsy. Never ever checked out this or a list of other symptoms that said I had a medical condition & not just clumsy

That I had nothing going for me but my looks, but that fades fast, so I'd better get myself a husband quick... whilst inviting boys to the house she approved of, including the local furriers son, for a vegetarian anti animal cruelty daughter. Apparently that didn't matter as he had a sports car😐

I've been called all the sluts under the son & worst still that very much planned & wanted DD was a mistake & I was a cheap slut who let the family name down, whilst telling me I was just like dads family & what a disgusting disappointment I was... screamed down the phone at me daily & even when I was working abroad

& think worse though was the never ever praising me for achievements in school, whilst constantly telling everyone how clever my brother was, despite the fact he was fairly average & I did really well. DM rewrote that history so much that I recently at 60, realised my dad had no clue I passed 11+ went to grammar school, but thought golden balls DB did

Sorry you've dealt with shit too💐