Worst things your parents did/said to you? I’m struggling

[Lkjhgfck]

Just that really. On the outside it’s all very lovely and nice and looks like I had it all. My parents have been my emotional bullies my whole life.

You are useless

I wish I had never had you

It's your fault I have all these medical conditions. Carrying you caused them.

(I was an anxious child who was prone to upset tummies) If you don't stop this you will die of bowel cancer like Uncle Jimmy did.

You are goofy like bugs bunny cue "Whats up doc" comments for months when I entered the room

It's your fault your sister is too quiet because you talk too much.

You are selfish and horrible. (I grew up thinking this is what I was )

Big hugs to everyone on this thread. Some people shouldn't have kids

"I pity your husband being married to you".
There's lots of others but that one sticks in my mind.

@ferneytorro I had something similar, but it was I'll kill myself if you ever get pregnant before marriage/live abroad/don't go to university/dye your hair/get a piercing. That feeling of being terrified and that it would be your fault if she did kill herself did a lot of damage and I'm only beginning to properly process that damage many years after her death.

Mum told my sister that she was a mistake.

Told me endlessly how awful my Dad was and how much he'd hurt her and then venomously spit out, and you're just like him.

Told me I was really thick for someone who was supposed to be intelligent.

Told me when I was in my first relationship that, 'people with problems are attracted to other people with problems'.

You're not clever enough to be a doctor.
Didn't come to my graduation (said what's the point of your degree).
Didn't support me through cancer treatment.
Told me recently she only came to my wedding 20yrs ago out of a sense of duty.
Said - 'if you're such a great mother then why......(and listed off all my faults)"
Oh, the irony.

My mum told me everyone would blame me for my grandfather’s death. He committed suicide after it came out that he had been sexually abusing me and my step sister for years.

When I was about 8 my mum said to me "I should have stopped at number 4" - (I was number 5) and me feeling quite hurt said "that would have meant you didn't have me?" which she finds totally hilarious and over 40 years on she still tells the story to anyone who'll listen and still says how funny it is.
Also in a blind panic during my finals - I call her to say I think I might defer - her response - "That's all I need!"
Friend comments to Mum about how well I look she says she could still do with losing half a stone!

Corporal punishments, humiliation.
From pulling my pants down and spanking as a toddler, slipperings, to physical threats intimidation, using hands and fists, standing in the corner etc. Terrifying

The thing was my dad who was doing this, was great in other ways.

I have 2 girls, I've managed to parent them without using these methods.

I was diagnosed with depression while living at home but didn't tell her. She went through my stuff and found my ADs and mocked me, calling them "happy pills". I'll never forget the sneer and singsong voice. That one really hurt.

Irony is a few years later she got them herself. I never said a word.

"sometimes I don't like you, but I'll always love you!" (backhanded much? At 3 I interpreted that I was fundamentally unlikeable)
"when you're good you're very good, but when you're bad you're AWFUL" (ditto)
She died 16y ago so she can never explain herself and all I have are memories - I'm working on reframing them instead...

@gingersplodgecat

On me receiving my exam results (including a grade A when A's actually meant something meaningful):

"O'levels? O means ordinary. Everyone should be able to pass those".

Pot and kettle spring to mind! 😳

My mum has been on holiday for a week, I haven't seen her in a couple of weeks.

Phones me just as she's boarding the plane

'Are you going to bring my grandchild round tonight?'

Me 'don't you want to see me too?'

Mum 'well she is more important'

🙃

One of manyyyyyy. And one of the more 'kinder' things too.

‘You’re probably out sleeping around the second my back is turned’

i was 14, terrified, friendless and had self esteem through the floor. Simultaneously made me feel ashamed and dirty just for existing

Told me I looked good thin, when I had anorexia
At that point I knew she was never going to help me

My mother said to me when I was telling her about my abusive exH, you've made your bed you have to lie in it. I understand she was scared of me moving back with 2 small children and it wasn't possible but it was an unkind thing to say. She was emotionally very distant and never supported me when I was so unhappy but she had a terrible childhood herself so was emotionally stunted

One that always stuck with me, after my parents moved us abroad when I was 14 and had just started to form a decent social circle (I was very socially awkward as a kid!). A mate of his asked me how I was settling in the new country and mentioned that I must miss my mates from the UK, to which my dad scoffed 'Mates?? Ha! SHE doesn't have any mates!'.

Not as overtly cruel as a lot of these but for a painfully shy teen with zero self esteem that really cut deep.

These experiences are quite heartbreaking, not surprising many of you are NC with parents.
My parental issues seem quite trivial in comparison (apparently I’m ‘too sensitive’), but I endured constant remarks about weight (even when slim), this was mainly from my DM. Nothing I ever wore was feminine enough - I didn’t like skirts. My hair was wrong (too long ironically). I was constantly compared to a neighbours child who was more outgoing and sporty - and wore skirts! ‘Why can’t you be more like Perfect Neighbour child?’
DM never wanted children only had me and DB because DF wanted children.
I in particular was made to feel a burden, criticised for my further education choices, as I turned down my chance to study medicine, luckily my DF supported my non vocational choices and allowed ‘the endless years at college’ - all 4 of them!
It wasn’t a pleasant childhood, I lived in fear of upsetting DM, she was depressed, even so that’s not much excuse for having to hear ‘ I would have left your father if I didn’t have children’
I was early twenties when I realised that it wasn’t my fault, this was all on DM and I didn’t need to put up with this shit. I moved away (far away) and have kept DM at arms length ever since.

I will never subject my kids to this sort of behaviour.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

If you're going to kill yourself then I can't stop you so I won't try anymore

I love you but I don't like you

You're a bitch

Fuck you

After telling her my dp pushed me into floor 'it's not that bad, it could be worse. Try and move on'

Worshipped her goldencock abusive husband over protecting me.

she didn’t care he hit me and bullied me.

just recently, through therapy, a clinician has suggested I seek adult assessment of autism/ADHD as I’m showing a lot of traits of my DC who is also being assessed.

if this is true then that’s another thing my mother has failed me in over. The constant moves and school changes because of my stepfathers abuse and infidelity meant I was never anywhere long enough for anyone to really notice I was quite right. And I’m really not. I’ve not been coping very well recently and it’s not depression just constant overwhelm. Chronic underachiever incredibly bright never had a long term (more than a couple of yrs) relationship and have few friends. I put it down to my childhood and just not trusting people but it’s more than that and I’ve known this but ignored it but as I’m learning through therapy it’s not ‘me’ I’m just different.

so yeah… what’s the worse my parents have done? Denied me be allowed to figure out who I am in a safe and caring environment then as an adult blaming me for things beyond my control.

my mother once said I should’ve ‘picked a better man’ to have DC with then DC wouldn’t have the issues they have. It’s fucking hilarious that it’s looking like DC has inherited these traits from me and it’s her poor choice of partner not mine to blame.

From my father Aged 7 to 16 "your mother didn't love you enough to stay, that's why she left".

Also called me a "lazy, slovenly slut" if I hadn't cleaned the house, cooked dinner on time, spent all weekend doing chores

Told me on my wedding day when I breathed in to be laced into the corset of my wedding dress "you keep breathing in, that looks much better. "

NC now

To give more context to this, my father told me aged 4: sometime soon mummy and daddy will split up and you'll have to choose who you want to live with, if you choose mummy I'll kill myself.

So when I was asked who I wanted to live with I had no choice but to answer to stay with my dad.

Then years later I'm told she didn't love me enough to stick around

Where do I start? Let’s see

you’ve got no friends
If I had my time over again you wouldn’t be here.
You weren’t wanted, you shouldn’t be here.
Get out and start contributing, we’ve kept you long enough (I was 15)

and the best of all which makes me cringe to this day

I never dropped from your bloody arse.

There were lots more but it’s too painful to go too far down that road.

Aged 16:
'My boyfriend hit me' (bf was 20)
'I don't believe you. He is such a Nice Boy and I am BFF with his Mum'

Aged 13:
I started crying while watching Threads
'Oh Lemons shut up'

At the age of 4&6 my mother told me and my sister she didn't want girls just our brother 🙃 At 9 she locked me in the bathroom and battered me as my attitude was wrong?
We went through a lot growing up but at 11 I was molested! She told me I shouldn't lie and I was grounded for a week!! At the age of 15 I was kicked out on the night she kicked me out she had a friend over bought chippy tea for everybody but left me out.by the time I had got to my grandads house she had turned my contract phone off and I had no way to contact ANYBODY!! Nobody could even ring it,was completely blocked!
Was always told I was fat! When I lost the weight I was too skinny!!
And for some reason I still bend over backwards for her.

My mum was wonderful but my dad constantly tried to play me down and make my Dsis the golden child. I was constantly told that it was such a pity that I was hefty not like my beautiful slim sister. I was a size 10 at the time.
Told that I was like the practice daughter, got all the broken parts (frizzy hair, bad eyesight, often ill, inherited painful and debilitating disease. I needed to be practiced on - harshly disciplined so that he could get everything right for his perfect darling. That was his nickname for my sister. My nickname was Alien.
Told that he didn't know about love until she was born. I'm much older than my sister but we are full siblings.
Told I was too difficult to even like let alone love.
He died when I was in my 20s but I still feel like I'm less worthy of love.