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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Worst things your parents did/said to you? I’m struggling

140 replies

Lkjhgfck · 01/07/2022 08:42

Just that really. On the outside it’s all very lovely and nice and looks like I had it all. My parents have been my emotional bullies my whole life.

OP posts:
DevonSunsets · 01/07/2022 15:19

waddlemyway · 01/07/2022 14:15

Philip Larkin’s ‘This be the verse’ pretty much sums up my experience… except from the last two lines… I have two amazing little creatures to snuggle with every day and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

This resonates with me - but opposite to you it's the last two lines.

We all grew up WAY to fast as we had to parent ourselves and left home very very early to get away as soon as we could.

We never discussed it - but it was like we had this ironclad unsaid agreement to be child free.

I think we were a little scared that we could either make the same mistakes as we know no better. Or by swinging too far the other way be a different form of the same nightmare.

(I have children in my life, that's why I am on MN, but not biological and not in a parent role)

frezs · 01/07/2022 17:19

Can I just ask - those who had abusive parents, what were there childhoods like? Just as crap as ours?

In my dads case, his father left my grandmother for another woman. She was left completely alone bringing up 3 children. My dad was the middle child. My grandmother had absolutely nothing financially and worked a few jobs to keep a roof over my dads and his siblings head.

My grandmother has passed now and I can't speak for what she was like as a younger woman and I would never speak bad of her because my goodness...she had it tough. But I don't hold many fond memories of her. She didn't really show much interest in us as grandchildren. Every time we visited....it was just boring. Sat watching tv, no conversation.

My dad kept in touch with my grandfather after he left from a child. My dad was the only who looked after my grandfather while he was dying.

My younger uncle had nothing to do with my grandfather. My grandfather wanted nothing to do with him - his youngest son. He would always speak badly of him whenever he was mentioned. My uncle was an innocent 8 year old when my grandad left. My grandad was very much stuck in his ways. Very old fashioned. He always spent his last years just feeling sorry for himself, making no effort with anyone unless they did with him. My aunty (the oldest child) didn't have much to do with him. Just the odd phone call. My grandad had a total of 7 people at his funeral.

My uncle has one child and he is an absolutely fantastic father! He melts my heart and my cousin is so loved by my uncle and his wife (my aunty). I really feel he has taken on board what a crap father he had and is determined to not have the same relationship with his own son.

My dad has gone the other way. He saw how hard my grandmother worked to provide and thought he had to do the same. Which is understandable. My childhood with my father was all about him providing. But he also thought that's all he had to do and myself and my sister should worship the ground he walks on because he went to work. He did absolutely nothing else. He went to work.

I'm just wondering if anyone else would like to share what they know?

Both my mother and father come from crap childhoods. I am trying so hard to break the cycle with my own children.

Shortbread49 · 01/07/2022 17:39

All of it my mum has managed 2 nice comments in the last 40 years I was so shocked when she did it I nearly asked if she was feeling ok

Reallyreallyborednow · 01/07/2022 17:49

Can I just ask - those who had abusive parents, what were there childhoods like? Just as crap as ours?

i think so. True to form nothing has ever been said, but from odd comments I’ve gathered that my grandad fought in the somme after signing up age 14, and also fought in Ww2. In hindsight he likely had some severe PTSD, which of course in those days was never acknowledged, let alone treated. You were lucky not to get shot for cowardice. They also lost a child at about 8 from measles, i think, which caused my gran to have some sort of breakdown.

again none of this is talked about, and it’s very much shit happens, you just have to get over it and it’s never talked about.

there’s clearly some genuine dysfunction, and my mum really believes she did her best, so I’ve never let her know how fucked up I am. I’ve tried really hard though to bring my kids up knowing they can say how they feel, and I will do my best to help. I still think I’m a bit shit at it though.

VioletInsolence · 01/07/2022 18:03

I’m actually close to my mum in a weird way. She’s in her eighties now and she moans a lot but she no longer has backup from my dad so she behaves.

”There’s nothing beautiful about the human body” as I posed in front of the mirror as a teenager. It hasn’t affected me (very happy with my body) but my sister developed an eating disorder (which my mum blames my sister for). I do have severe health anxiety but not sure if that’s anything to do with my mum.

”Well what were you wearing?” When I was upset because a young lad had shouting ‘fat arse’ at me. I was a size 8. Other comments about my weight. To be fair she did tell me that one of her colleagues said “Wow what a figure” about me! But it was all about me looking good so that she could show me off. She still asks for photos of my hair so that she can check that it’s blonde enough! Well I’ve decided to grow out my highlights…I’m tempted to get a tattoo just to really annoy her😄.

Didn’t tell me that my three older siblings had a different dad and told them not to tell me. Her abusive ex arrived back on the scene when I was about ten (just to get my sister on his side - not to get back together) and still no one told me. Just left me to piece everything together. When asked recently about it she said ‘Well I thought you knew’!!

But I’m not the scapegoat of the family - my sister is (second oldest) and she’d have far worse things to say. Thing is though, she’s also a complete bitch and I’m not sure whether that’s because of my mum. She used to tell me that all her friends thought I was too skinny and constantly made embarrassing comments about my appearance and that of our older sister.

My mum was generally very difficult when my children were younger and it was like having an extra toddler much of the time.

My dad was nice but he’s partly to blame because he’s always taken my mum’s side for his own benefit. She needed telling. I’ve realised since being in an abusive relationship with a man with borderline personality disorder that this is what she has. I read earlier about someone trying to talk to someone but realising that it wasn’t a person - it was a sheep. Something like that anyway! And that’s exactly what it’s like when someone has a personality disorder.

My grandma was also pretty awful although. Like my mum, she was very caring in a practical sense.

She’d tell me that my mum had a horrible figure. she once told my parents that I’d pushed my grandad (because we’d had an argument after I’d run off upstairs because he’d commented on my spots!). I’d not done anything of the sort.

She told me that I’d caused my grandad’s angina because he ate the fat off my lamb chops that I’d left. Once at a family get-together she said “Oh the photos of the girl with the big nose turned out ok”. That was aimed at me because I do have a strong nose but I’m often told that I’m very pretty. Back then I was very sensitive about it though.

these things are nowhere near as bad as some of the comments on here. I’ve probably minimised a lot of this though. I’m autistic, have inattentive adhd, GAD, depression and OCD. I often wonder whether my life would have been different with different parents but I never seem to hear about good parents. Do they exist?

Namechange10661067 · 01/07/2022 18:08

NC for this.
“You’re not pretty, you’re very plain and don’t you forget it” ( mother to 5 year old me)
“When you were born I was so happy when I was told I’d had a little girl. I thought she’d wear pretty dresses and have lovely hair. But I got you” ( Mother to me aged 4 or 5)
” If you don’t like living here ( I’d run away) we can always put you in a children’s homer we want” ( father to 6 year old me)
“ NC is no sort of daughter to us” ( father to relatives)
And the icing on the cake, when sexual abuse by an older sibling was revealed and I thought I’d be safe “ I expect you instigated it” I was 7 or 8 and treated like an outcast after that. They were not nice people.

Namechange10661067 · 01/07/2022 18:13

Can I just ask - those who had abusive parents, what were there childhoods like? Just as crap as ours?
My mother’s family were very poor at times but she always told me her parents ( dead before I was born) were wonderful and she adored them, especially her father. She was youngest of 4 and seemed to love her siblings.
My father’s parents separated when he was very young, ( only child) he never saw his father again. He was brought up by his mother and her spinster sister who seemed to dote on him.

ChangedForThisCause · 01/07/2022 18:14

Pulled my hair, hit me with a hanger, hit me with a brush, slapped me across the face, bit me, strangled me, suffocated me, waterboarded me in the bath.

Sparklybutold · 01/07/2022 18:18

My mum died when I was 2

My dad

  • you're insignificant, you look/looked like a slag, have you given your now husband a BJ... these are just those I can remember - don't want to think to hard

The belt
Personal examinations of his bits

Gaslighting all the way through my childhood and early adulthood.

I now recognise he's a narc and I am estranged.

My childhood was extremely abusive in all forms. I made an official report for the rape and sexual abuse late last year.

Part of me doesn't quite believe what happened actually happened.

Mimilamore · 01/07/2022 18:38

You're your father's daughter... she hated him

GarethKeenan · 01/07/2022 19:18

My dad and stepmoms dire predictions for me were that I would have no friends, use sex as bribery to get people to like me and hang out with me, be a "known slag", get pregnant by 15, have the baby taken off of me and end up in juvenile detention because I was a troublemaking bitch.

I was 12, it was because they found a little valentines card a boy gave me from school and I'd just had an argument with my 11 yo sister where we had slapped each other.

I had my first baby at 23 and wondered if I would still be thought of as a slag for that.

gingersplodgecat · 01/07/2022 19:25

worriedatthistime · 01/07/2022 10:40

@gingersplodgecat a's are still meaningful , in that sentence you just put a load of people down in one go

Sorry, perhaps I didn't explain myself very well Sad

It was in the context of A* now being the meaningful one that people hope to achieve. Hope that clears things up. Sorry again.

Seeleyboo · 01/07/2022 19:26

Being raped almost daily from age 5 by my stepfather and beaten most days by my mother. Both dead now.

Hyvsvaar · 01/07/2022 19:39

Sparklybutold · 01/07/2022 18:18

My mum died when I was 2

My dad

  • you're insignificant, you look/looked like a slag, have you given your now husband a BJ... these are just those I can remember - don't want to think to hard

The belt
Personal examinations of his bits

Gaslighting all the way through my childhood and early adulthood.

I now recognise he's a narc and I am estranged.

My childhood was extremely abusive in all forms. I made an official report for the rape and sexual abuse late last year.

Part of me doesn't quite believe what happened actually happened.

Fucking hell your post makes my blood run cold I’m so sorry for what you have gone through

withsexypantsandasausagedog · 01/07/2022 19:40

Embarrassed22 · 01/07/2022 10:57

Mother, when I was a tween, told me I'd only been conceived as a bargaining tool to get the living room decorated and a new sofa.

Father, when diagnosed with a serious health condition in my early 20s and I asked for help, he recommended I killed myself and save everyone the hassle of dealing with me. My sibling backed up his suggestion.

Oh my god. I am so sorry. I hope you cut them out.

butterflied · 01/07/2022 19:44

This thread is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for you all.

Hyvsvaar · 01/07/2022 19:46

withsexypantsandasausagedog · 01/07/2022 19:40

Oh my god. I am so sorry. I hope you cut them out.

Jesus Christ

butterflied · 01/07/2022 19:49

Seeleyboo · 01/07/2022 19:26

Being raped almost daily from age 5 by my stepfather and beaten most days by my mother. Both dead now.

There are no words. I hope you have had help and have good people around you now.

AMindNeedsBooks · 01/07/2022 20:10

I've blocked most of the things out although remember a few things even from as young as aged 3. I have awful problems with guilt because I was constantly made to feel guilty about not being good enough even though I did very well at school and due to my mum I didn't even argue back. Conflict still frightens me to this day.

I've not long went NC with her but even up until then she would mock the year I 'went off the rails' in my earlyish teens (drinking too much and running away, I didn't actually get into any trouble and still never argued back). It was a traumatic time and still I get blamed for causing her stress...the only thing that stressed her was what other people might think, there was no care. She also used threats of suicide often.

After she assaulted me in front of one of my children I finally went NC but still carry guilt for it and I don't know why. I get overly anxious I am messing up my own children even though I know I have done it differently.

I wouldn't wish bad parents on anyone and I am so sorry there are so many of us.

ShahRukhKhan · 01/07/2022 20:19

'Don't ever expect me to feel the same way about you once you start having sex, mind'

Sparklybutold · 01/07/2022 20:37

One of the main problems I have found when emerging from incestual abuse is there really is little you can do owing to the complexity of the family dynamics. I tried to access the Co pe Daykin find but for not fulfil the criteria as I was directly prosecuting. But in prosecuting will be extremely traumatic within itself. So I am left with picking up the pieces and building the best life I can for myself and my children. I have however paid very close attention to ensuring I don't carry on the abuse. So much so that I am very soft. However I know which way I'd rather be. Fortunately my husband balances my softy parental approach.

Part of me sometimes gets angry at the women who are able to speak out because of why there abusers were, ie they were famous abusers. It feels like my abuse remains shrouded in the dark. Which ironically is exactly what perpetuate s childhood abuse.

Even for the select view that do know about it, it's not brought up in polite conversation plus most people don't even know where to start.

A childhood abuse is a legacy that becomes part of you. For me I have somehow had to both ring fence that part of me off whilst fully allowing the grieving and healing to occur. This never occurs on a linear path though and ebbs and flows through life's normal trajectory.

It has impacted everything, including my professional life. I left my medical training in 2016 because my own broken psyche combined with a rigorous and punitive training path became so much I had to choose - me/my kids or medicine. I chose the former. I know part of still feels angry about this. I am now retraining to be a psychotherapist - a role which I think compliments my personality and my life experiences with much greater compassion, allowing for some degree of cohesiveness between my personal and professional identity.

Sparklybutold · 01/07/2022 20:37

Why is there not an edit button!

Should read compensation fund for victims of childhood sexual abuse

Mischance · 01/07/2022 20:40

"I tried gin and a hot bath when I found I was pregnant." - well thanks Mum!

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 01/07/2022 20:46

I was dumped for a fur coat. My mother dumped me at 16 leaving me alone with nobody to care for me and went off abroad with my step father. He bought her a fur coat for her 'sacrifice'.

Shizzlestix · 01/07/2022 21:30

Alcohol comes first in my mother’s life. I was too embarrassed to have friends round because she’d be drunk. Again. Apparently this was ok, because my father’s job involved social drinking and he too was regularly pissed. Nobody noticed the sexual abuse from my brother. Nobody was there when I had an accident and needed an operation. Even now, she gets drunk if I visit, but apparently stays sober if alone. I will not be looking after her if she needs care.

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