Worst things your parents did/said to you? I’m struggling

[Lkjhgfck]

Just that really. On the outside it’s all very lovely and nice and looks like I had it all. My parents have been my emotional bullies my whole life.

If I wet the bed my mum and dad used to rub my face in it when I was little

ill never forgive them.

Gosh you were unlucky - what a horrible father you had.
Really, good fathers are not like this at all, in case you ever wonder.
Definitely him, not you x

A relative called my children ' Illigitamate'.
20 yrs on, I'm still unmarried to their father.
Funny thing is, 12 yrs on , My nieces and nephews are also ' Illigitamate'.
It was said in anger but I will never forget it

I had this all the time,along with
"all I've ever done is put you first"
From a woman who put Alcohol,men,money and her needs before anything.
A woman who was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive.Told me I was the worst child on earth,would amount to nothing,I was fat and ugly(at an underweight size 6 as we were never fed) and that I owe her for the rest of her natural life and should always be eternally grateful that she didn't abort me as that's what she wished she had done.

I've been no contact now for 16 years,best decision I ever made x

Mine was wilful neglect, pure selfishness and the slavish desire to look the part. It wasn't something she said.... it was what she didn't do and how she controlled what we did do.

Her absolute goal was that we all looked perfect, the house was perfect, their terrible marriage looked perfect - she was embodiment of a instagram influencer before instagram was even a thing .

She dressed the stage, make sure the house was beautiful she bought things all day every day for the house, the garden and for her wardrobe to make sure that everything looked perfect.

Perfect looking wives in perfect looking marriages had children. So she had children. We were solely set piece in her one long running production of the popularity show.

Her desire to look the part did not extend to making sure we were clean, educated, had food, clothing or any form of money. We were left to fend for ourselves. It was made clear to us we were not to be seen or heard. WIllful neglect is the nicest way of putting it - we roamed the world with absolutely no checks or balances in place - none. Uprooted often to chase a new scene so we were off the radar of any form of services. Small children running wild in big unknown cities across the globe out all day and night to the wee hours. The lack of thought or care was staggering.

She once said, when one of my brothers pointed out that we were left like street dogs to fend for ourselves, that we should thank her because it taught us resilience and life skills. She liked to gloat to all and sundry that her 'allowing us the freedom to explore' was the reason we all turned out with noteworthy careers.

She comes first in everything, her needs are paramount, your needs are immaterial. Your successes are only her successes, You are solely an ornament, an accessory - to picked up and put down when it suits. Optics and how she is viewed by others (not us, we dont matter) is the only important thing to her -

Chase the next new thing that would make everyone admire her, talk about her, jealous of her, want to BE her.

endlessly threatening to take me back to a childrens home after I had been adopted having endured a violent abusive childhood 😵‍💫 I can’t imagine ever being so cruel and had to put up with emotional manipulation until I could leave home

Mum told me it was my fault that my uncle was looking down my top.

dad attacked me outside our house because I tried to leave during an argument. Beat me around the head and called me every name under the sun. History has been re-written and both deny it all. Therefore it didn’t happen.

My mum was great until I was about 11/12. The worst things she ever done is get paraletically drunk in a foreign country whilst with me (about 14) and my younger brother, including passing out, hitting her head and being motionless and us thinking she was dead. It was a terrifying experience and I’ll never forgive her for it. Also many many occasions when she would get off her face drunk in front of me, even though she knew how much it upset and distressed me.oh and on one of these times threatening to kill herself and getting a knife out, i was so scared I went and hid all the knifes and sharp objects. We speak now and still see each other fairly regularly but due to all these things I will never truly have a good relationship with her.

Both discussed suicide in front of me when I was about 13
Both discussed their dissatisfaction with their sex life when I was about 14
Mother made me collude with her affair between abot 6 and 15

@Thereisnolight thank you, I am beginning to realise this too. I am very careful around him now and I get very panicked when I know I have to see him.

My dad is absolutely oblivious to all of this....he would walk in the house each evening and say 'who's the best dad in the world?' because he had been hard at work all day. He would then shout at my mum when having his evening meal if there was any 'green stuff' on his plate and he would make her make something else for him. She would go and cry in the kitchen and cook something else.

My dad will never change but I always thought my dad was absolutely right about everything so it's now just a process of realising he isn't and never was. He was the problem in the first place.

OMG @RockinHorseShit ’the furrier’s son’ - this is shocking, as is OP’s post but the way you wrote your list - thank goodness you manage to retain your sense of humour/irony. I’m so sad for all posters here; I cannot imagine how upsetting it must have been to be on the end of this cr@p. So thankful for my wonderful parents.

I was going to write something, but having read the first page I’m just going to be quiet and be grateful for the wonderful but slightly imperfect single mother I have. Sending huge amounts of love and respect to all of you sharing your stories of truly hideous childhoods .

Oh my word mangolist that’s just disgusting! I couldn’t forgive that

Philip Larkin’s ‘This be the verse’ pretty much sums up my experience… except from the last two lines… I have two amazing little creatures to snuggle with every day and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

This upset me. Please know that you are worthy of love. Your Dad was a bully. Sending unmumsnetty hugs.

Sad, pathetic, looser, selfish, nasty, user, your father will never love you more than me, he will always choose me, you just come between me and my relationships, fat, accused of being pregnant in public at 14, hissed in my face if I ever brought a black man home she’d disown me ( all because an older black lad who lived close to us walked me home one night as it was dark and we lived in a rough area. At least he cared about my safety more than my parents). Would regularly lie to my DF to get me in trouble.

All of this done in private so her perfect mother facade would not be damaged. If I ever reacted or said anything she would completely deny it and say I was out to get her or taken something the wrong way and play victim, my DF would always side with her.

I didn't really take much notice of it as it was just one of any things that I now realise were abusive and narcissistic, but when I laughingly told my last counsellor, she was appalled and made me realise how awful it really was. She never wanted me to have any of my 3 dc but as soon as they were born, I was this dreadful mother and only she could look after them properly.
It's a very long story!

I was about 7 and expected to go out for some new shoes (my mum told me the day before that we would). When i asked when we were going she said "i never said we would, i said we might you spoiled little bitch".

i forget how old i was but i had trouble wiping after using the toilet and she always had to help. One day she was shouting at me and said "you're [insert age] and can't even wipe your own arse ". She later apologised, but things like that stay with you.

i was in my 20's and after putting on weight due to anti depressants i was constantly told i was fat, had a double chin needed to lose weight " ( i went from a size 10 to 14). As soon as i moved out, i stopped seeing her so much to save my mental health.

I am so sorry to everyone who has hears these awful words. I feel so very lucky that I never have

My mother is a generally unpleasant person who actively enjoys putting other people down and humiliating them. She doesn't discriminate, she'll do it to anyone family or stranger, adult or small child. She takes pride in it and particularly enjoys boasting about the nasty, vicious things she's said and done. She seems to believe it's a strength. The worst thing she has ever said to me is (whilst smiling), "I threw you down the stairs when you were a baby and your father caught you." Not said with regret, but recounted with a triumphant air as an amusing anecdote. She's told me this three or four times. My father is her main victim but she's happy to make small children cry too. I maintain a civil relationship with her for the sake of the rest of the family, but secretly I can't stand her, can't bear her to touch me, find it hard to look at her and would be happy never to see her again. She's nearly 80 and is clearly never going to change. I have no intention of caring for her if she ever needs it. You reap what you sow.

emotional neglect. It’s the lack of words and actions that makes it hard to recognise until you’re an adult!

I was never told by any of my parents that they loved me! Never!
also was told that I was a mistake . My mother was pregnant with me at 41 when also my oldest favourite sister was pregnant too . She and her daughter were always favoured above me.

I caused their cancer. Because that’s how cancer works 🙄 Many others including being a ‘mistake’.