Overweight husband

[Brickys]

I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 6 and we have a 2 year old.

Over the years, he has let himself go. As mean as it sounds saying this, he’s got a huge belly and is now very flabby. I’m just simply not attracted to him anymore.

I want to be, but when I see him naked I just think what on earth has happened. We have sex once a week but I don’t enjoy it and I now fake my orgasms because he does nothing for me anymore and I just want sex to be over and done with.

I have said a few times that we should get back into shape and eat better and exercise more (admittedly, I still have some baby weight I never lost. I was a size 10 and am now a size 12) which has been my way of saying please lose weight, but it lasts 2 days and he’s back to normal. I don’t know what else I can do. I want to be attracted to him and at this point in our marriage in our 30s, I really shouldn’t be having these feelings. I don’t want to be unattracted and turned off by my husband.

Any advice?

[frozendaisy]

Get him running around a park with your child.

Digging the garden.

Summer is for salad and fruit.

Don't have snacks in.

Skip breakfast.

[frozendaisy]

Try flattery. "That t-shirt looks a bit looser, sexy baby"

[thelastshadowpuppet]

Well aren't you a peach op.

Imagine if this was posted by a man.

[Brickys]

@thelastshadowpuppet

Well aren't you a peach op.

Imagine if this was posted by a man.

I know it’s bad to be so superficial, but I want to still be turned on by my husband. Is that so wrong?

[springbreak22]

Posted by male or female, the OP is entitled not to find her husband attractive anymore due to weight gain!

[hotblacktea]

You have my sympathy OP, there's nothing wrong with how you feel, it's just the way it is. But in the end it's his body, so he has to want to lose weight.
I see no other way than to be honest about your feelings with him, stop lying, stop faking orgasms etc.
Yes it might hurt him, but what is the alternative, going on like this with no end in sight ?

[thelastshadowpuppet]

You need to be honest with him op, hard as that may be.

Be brave!

[BruceWaynettaSlob]

@Brickys

I know it’s bad to be so superficial, but I want to still be turned on by my husband. Is that so wrong?

You're going to get lots of these types of comments, op. It's a very touchy subject for a lot of people.

Do an online shop, less temptation to buy snacks/junk food on offer.

[A580Hojas]

Yanbu to find fat a turn off. We're not talking about just being a bit cuddly here are we?

[Yahyahs22]

Please don't skip breakfast, it'd so important for weight loss, just have oats or something healthy.

I second previous comment. Be honest. It will be the only thing that sticks, trust me.

[Mojoj]

@thelastshadowpuppet

Well aren't you a peach op.

Imagine if this was posted by a man.

Here we go - clearly the OP's not allowed to find fat unattractive? It doesn't matter if it's a male or a female posting- if your partner has let themselves go, you're allowed to find it a turn off. I would just be honest and stop pretending in bed. There's no point. Tell him how you feel and encourage him to lose the weight. If he is unwilling, then you need to consider your options. Good luck.

[doadeer]

I think you need to look at the reason he is eating more... Is he stressed? What's going on?

[dolphinsarentcommon]

OP you definitely are not being unreasonable.

I would find any man who is fat unattractive.

[Brickys]

@doadeer

I think you need to look at the reason he is eating more... Is he stressed? What's going on?

No particular reason. We have both always enjoyed good food and eating out, but he gradually stopped exercising whilst increasing the amount of bad food (ie sugar and junk) that he has. I think before we lived together, he had more free time as he lived alone and then when we moved in, he understandably wanted to be home more. Then throw in lockdown and trying to survive with a baby and toddler and any self care went out the window.

[Brickys]

I wish I was brave, but he is such a sensitive and gentle man that I know it would hurt him. I know it would destroy him if he knew I felt this way.

[Motnight]

Have you raised it with him as you being worried about his health Op?

[Loveisnotloving]

There was murder last week here on a thread where the roles were reversed and a man had suggested he and his wife lose weight so they could fancy each other again. People went absolutely BATSHIT saying you should want to have sex with someone whether they were fat or not and we were all Shallow Hal's.

I am with you OP, I would never want to have sex with my husband if he put on a shitload of weight. Absolutely not.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

@Brickys

I wish I was brave, but he is such a sensitive and gentle man that I know it would hurt him. I know it would destroy him if he knew I felt this way.

It’ll destroy you having crap sex you don’t enjoy with someone you don’t fancy. Seriously, it’ll get worse and worse. Don’t prioritise his ego over your feelings.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

And how sensitive is he really if he’s hasn’t realised you’re not into it and are faking your orgasms?!

[Merryclaire]

I don’t think you should be completely honest and tell him you don’t find him attractive now - there’s no coming back from that.

I’d be devastated to find out DH wasn’t attracted to me anymore.

But I would confront the weight gain - say he’s approaching an age where health is so important (which is true). You want him to be around and in good shape for you and your children.

Otherwise he could be heading for a heart attack in the next decade or so.

[Dsisproblem]

I agree. Approach it from a health perspective. That's kinder and also important!

[Floella22]

I think you need to be truthful as tactfully as possible.

The fact is you may not have dated him if your dh had been overweight when you first met him. Unless being overweight is the side effect of illness or medication then you are reasonable imo to no longer be attracted to your dh.

Whether or not you can carry on with your marriage is something you need to consider very carefully.

I can honestly say that an overweight partner would not be someone I could stay with.

[Ilosthim]

YANBU!! He is fat and flabby and you dont find it attractive. Presumably he wasnt like this when you met so you have every right to be turned off. A big flabby belly is NOT attractive to most, so i wouldnt be hard on yourself for having these feelings.

You might have to be harsh? You love him, but you dont want this. Health is always a good angle to start from... that you're worried for him... but if he thinks you're ultimately ok with his weight why would he change? Get tough OP we all deserve a partner who looks after themselves. X

[FunLovinGal]

I have the opposite problem OP! My DP was a big manly, cuddly bear, which I LOVED.

But then he got obsessed with cycling, and is now so lean I’m just not feeling the same about him anymore.

How do I approach it with him though?!

[DeadbeatYoda]

If say that if you only found him attractive because of surface matters then set him free and let him find someone that finds him attractive for what's on the inside.