STBEH punishing the kids because he is raging at me.

[Lookslikesrain]

I'm being bombarded with hate mail today and last night because I asked for a fair divorce settlement instead of what he proposed. He has this morning emailed the kids school and said he is pulling them out (fee paying) due to financial issue due to divorce and they have acknowledged it.

Its purely out of spite for me.

I never ever thought he would upset the kids as a way of getting to me.

I have only asked for 20% of what im legally entitled to so I can use it as a deposit to buy a house. He wanted to give me 10%. The reason im not going for it all is because I don't want to have a horrible fight to death over it and I am only just getting in a ok place after the worst two years of my life.

So I don't know what to do now, the kids break for summer holidays in a few weeks, no school to go to.

The deal was he didnt pay me maintenance and he would pay the school fees, I was happy with that. But now because I wont agree to pocket change he has decided to give he is pulling them anyway.

I have taken so much on the chin since we split up because I wanted the kids to be protected from it and I feel that because I have been so fucking reasonable about everything to protect the kids - that the thinks I will go back and take the 10% to keep them in school.

Any advice?

Keep all of his abusive / threatening emails and screenshots of texts in a separate folder.

Change all passwords to everything.

Lodge a claim with CMS. It will only work for a short time as he has his own business and so he can hide his income.

He’s shown you he isn’t willing to play nice for his own children so now it’s time you show you will do anything for them.

THIS

OP,
A forensic accountant can be money very well spent when dealing with money being hidden.

Ask your solicitor.
Have as much information about the company written down that you can think of.

He has indeed gone for your children, all gloves should be off now.

Completely unforgivable IMO.

Make sure you go public to friends and family about this.

Go for everything you are entitled to. He's being an absolute prick. Fuck keeping the peace at this point. He's brought it on himself.

WEll, you tried the way you thought would give you less shit from him - it failed. So you may as well go for everything you are entitled to so that you can pay the school fees, and live without his control.

You have nothing to lose, you were trying to keep things amicable, and they are not ever going to be, so you may as well be able to make ends meet...

I am beyond angry for you - I agree take him to the cleaners. How dare he treat your kids like that. Make him sorry.

Say 'ok I've got them into new schools from September'.
Grey rock

Wow. Going after his own kids eh?! Pretty low.
Move them OP. They can and will be happy in another school.
And go for 50%. Its for your kids future (cz lets face it they clearly can't rely on "dad")

He's shown that he's willing to sink to the lowest of the low to get at you - and he's not adverse to causing your DC distress in the process.

He's going to call you names whatever you ask for.

By asking for 50% and maintenance, you're not asking for yourself. You're getting what's fair to provide your DC with what they need, whether that's their education or anything else. If you stop thinking about it as "for you" and reframe it as "providing what he's obliged to for his children" you might feel more able to fight for him to pay a proper sum.

Once it's done, it's done. You can't go back and get more if you find out that it's not sufficient to pay for everything your DC need as they get older. You'll regret letting him get away with it if your DC have to go without stuff as a result. It's so easy to feel overwhelmed in the moment, but don't make any decisions that you'll regret in the future.

Get the lawyer lined up and dont enter into any more contact with him via whatsapp - email only. ideally through solicitors only.

How much is at stake here? It's hard to know how to answer, particularly with respect to fighting it out in court, if the amounts aren't specified.

Your grandmother sounds sensible. I wouldn’t engage further with him directly. That’s what he wants. Your Solicitor can contact him or his Solicitor if he has one in due course. He’s a bully.

I’d for everything and assume you’ll receive nothing else.

You can have him arrested for text messages like that, we had dh ex arrested for abusive text messages. She was the one who left but didn’t like dh meeting me. It takes the wind right out of their sails and looks very bad in court. Courts don’t like things like that. Your divorcing there’s no need for abusive behaviour.

He's going to call you those names whether you ask for 50% of everything, or 0.50%. So be called those names with a bit more in the bank.
Find a SHL, go for his bollocks, set up a new email and ask a trusted friend/relative to monitor it so you don't have to see what he's called you, and ensure that's the only way of contacting you he has. Print off the email where he has cancelled the school fees, just in case in 10 years time the dc ask for some background - although honestly, they'll have forgotten this blip.
Find state school for September - luckily there's time to go and have a look at a few before term ends.

If he is pulling these strokes now, he'll try to in future as well, and what you don't want is them changing schools in secondary with exams looming etc. if they're goi g to have to change, better now.
Revenge is a dish best served cold, living well is the best revenge, and also no pain no gain.

What an absolute prick. Yes, remove his only bargaining tool and say you have schools lined up for the kids.

And take him to the fucking cleaners.

Oh fuck that, go back and say you want 50% or more or everything, is there a house? Pension? settling for 20% is letting him walk all over you like he did in marriage. This isn't you being greedy, this is to ensure your children are not disadvantaged by the divorce.

At the kids ages, they will be absolutely fine readjusting into a new school. I would not even worry over this. Just ensure the LA puts them both together.

Do not agree to anyhting without talking to your solicitor.

You (and he) might well be surprised at what you and the children end up being entitled to. Keep his messages. Judges have seen it all before and deal with this sort of blackmailing shit every single day.

And make your next call be the one to put in a claim to CMS..... What an absolute arse! Fuckers like this deserve to be rinsed in divorce!!!!!

He will continue to use the school against you at every opportunity if you continue with this arrangement.

In your shoes I'd take them out of private education and move them to a good public school. At their ages it's easier than if it happens whilst they are in secondary school. I agree with your dg, it's the last thing he can use against you. Take that away from him and go for what you're entitled to in the divorce

I wouldn’t even respond re schools. You had chosen a school together and he’s unilaterally withdrawn them without the courtesy of speaking to you their primary carer. Let him stew while you get yourself sorted with solicitor. You may chose to inform him in due course where they are going but see what Solicitor says. No court will criticise you for enrolling them in Local primary when he’s withdrawn them and refused to pay private fees. It reflects badly on him.

Honestly OP, I get being tired but why are you accepting 20% of what your entitled to? That's not fair and your not fighting for you and your children's future.

He could get remarried and leave them nothing. This is for you and your children - get angry.

I’m so glad you’re finding anger and strength in that OP, what a giant fucking prick!

hope all goes well with the solicitors and you take him for everything.

your DC will be fine meantime, they’ll have the summer to get used to the idea of a new school and they’re young enough to thrive with the change.

Even if he backtracks now tell him to stick his school fees up his arse! I mean don’t do that, communicate by solicitor only would be the sensible way forward but telling him to fuck off in your head will help.

What an arsehole!

Get a SHL and wring his bollocks dry. It will be the best money you ever spent and worth every penny.

It’s quite clear that he is willing to harm his own children or have them in the crossfires to get back at you - therefore you need to fight for everything you can from him now because ultimately there are no limits to what he’ll do in the future.

With two kids in private school it's hardly going to be peanuts but that's not really the point. OP is entitled to at least half of assets, regardless of how much that is.