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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Father's Day - DH out for the day, unnanounced

302 replies

19Bears · 19/06/2022 17:38

Would you be annoyed if you got up this morning to a text from your DH saying he'd gone out for the day, and hadn't said a word about his plans, bearing in mind it's Father's Day? The kids had written his card and wrapped his presents, and he's gone off without saying a word. He has taken to this recently, going off to gigs etc and only letting me know once he's actually on the bus. Today's text takes the biscuit though as all it says is, "Leeds." Nothing else. I couldn't give a monkeys, and we have a much better time without him, but wouldn't you at least expect him to want to spend the day with his children? Also, my brother is in a care home after leaving hospital and I was hoping to go and see him tonight which I now won't do.....Or am I being oversensitive. If I'm not overreacting to this, I'm going to use this as the last straw and text back telling him this is where it ends. I will not live a half life, accomodating his trips away, so he can return home as if he's a teenager coming back to his mum without taking any responsibility as a parent himself. Not to mention all the other things that are wrong, which you'll know about if you've seen other threads of mine.

OP posts:
Octomore · 19/06/2022 18:37

It doesn't matter what day of the year it is, it is basic courtesy to check in with your partner regarding any plans you have. We have a shared online calendar so we always know what the other person has got coming up, and even without that we'd tell/ask (as appropriate) the other person verbally regardless.

Just disappearing for the day with no warning is shit. You're meant to be a partnership, a family, and he has just as much responsibility to parent his children as you do.

rnsaslkih · 19/06/2022 18:41

Disgraceful behaviour

HappyCup · 19/06/2022 18:45

Wtf?! I want to give you a hug and a shake! Get some self respect, this isn’t a normal way to be treated.

Gassylady · 19/06/2022 18:51

He sounds delightful - NOT! I think I would be using the time without him to gather together important financial information, birth and marriage certificates and kids passports. Open your own bank account if you don’t already have one.

BanjoVio · 19/06/2022 18:52

How many final straws are you going to need?? Honestly, your posting history is exasperating. What about your counsellor back in September who was helping you muster up the courage to leave? Or all the other posts that show that you and this man clearly can’t stand each other? If you want to leave, leave. Kids would rather live in a happy, single parent home than a miserable one.

LittleOwl153 · 19/06/2022 18:56

Use the time to talk to the kids about divorcing him. Let them know what you hope will happen about housing - clearly given their ages they need to understand what will happen to them. Once you have told them you will find it easier to talk to others.

Or if you can't tell them tell your parents, siblings, his siblings or a friend or two. Make it real. You can talk about it here all you like but it's not real is it. Make it happen. Stop being this miserable!
Good luck!

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/06/2022 18:58

DD would have been really disappointed not to give her dad his breakfast, card and present.

I wouldn't put up with anyone who swanned off without checking in. But DD's disappointment would be the straw. What's worse is if yours is used to it Sad

TulipsGarden · 19/06/2022 19:03

I haven't read your other threads, but obviously I wouldn't stay with someone who behaved like that. Do you do it? Do your friends' husbands do it? No? Then it's likely not normal behaviour, is it.

Begrateful · 19/06/2022 19:06

That is very disrespectful of him.
Do you seriously want to put up with this for the rest of your life.

Men like him most probably never change...

caffeinecokeandchocolate · 19/06/2022 19:06

Just text back

"Divorce"

HannahSternDefoe · 19/06/2022 19:28

caffeinecokeandchocolate · 19/06/2022 19:06

Just text back

"Divorce"

Following OPs update, I suspect "Dentist" might be more appropriate.
😂

or "Locksmith"

PrtScn · 19/06/2022 19:31

I’m petty and would do the same to him

Spohn · 19/06/2022 19:51

Are you benefitting in any way from all the threads you make, whining about this bloke?

colachive · 19/06/2022 20:03

My final divorce papers came through in the post yesterday. Believe me, divorce is easier than continuing to live like this. Please ask him to move out @19Bears !

ApolloandDaphne · 19/06/2022 20:08

If he is so disconnected from family life and you have a better time when he is not there then I think it is maybe time to consider divorce?

19Bears · 19/06/2022 20:10

Thank you again everyone. Especially to those giving me a kick up the arse to stop whining and get things moving. I've got as far as typing out the text. Just need to press send...

OP posts:
CrazyRatLover · 19/06/2022 20:23

Send it

Renniesfixeverything · 19/06/2022 20:34

I remember your other threads OP, I hope this is your final straw, you've put up with enough. Can we help you work out any obstacles you feel are stopping you pressing 'send'? What's the living situation and can you manage alone financially? Is there anywhere obvious he could stay, not that that's your problem but it cuts down on his excuses not to go if he has somewhere he can stay? But yes, he's showing you very clearly that he doesn't care about you or DC by fucking off on Father's Day. So it's time he reaped what he sows.

GettingItOutThere · 19/06/2022 20:35

19Bears · 19/06/2022 20:10

Thank you again everyone. Especially to those giving me a kick up the arse to stop whining and get things moving. I've got as far as typing out the text. Just need to press send...

send it

then make plans for the rest of your life without this waste of a man!!

HollowTalk · 19/06/2022 20:36

What makes you stay with him? I'm interested in why anyone would stay with someone like that. To be honest, the teeth bit is absolutely the deciding factor for me!

Thack · 19/06/2022 20:38

I've had a flick through your previous threads, this has surely gone on long enough. You need stability and freedom and deserve happiness.

I'm not a fan of LTB responses, but it is time to get the ball rolling, everyone here will support you through it.

Herejustforthisone · 19/06/2022 20:40

What an utter failure he is.

Darktimes35 · 19/06/2022 20:40

What a selfish prick. He’s not the guy who has taken to going to loads of gigs and just disappearing off is he?! His selfish and disrespectful behaviour would be the end for me. Show him the door!

comfortablyfrumpy · 19/06/2022 20:45

Send it
Sorry, he sounds a complete waste of space.

Littleraindrop15 · 19/06/2022 20:49

what the hell that's not even a relationship..normal people discuss what they plan to do on weekends etc so others know and come to an agreement. sounds like a house mate