Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

hotnakedgelato

i missed your update
from ED to all nighters
wowsers !
stay happy

Fab update @hotnakedgelato - smittenness oozing through your post ❤️

@WeWantTheFinestWines I’d probably be angling for a video call before meeting up so I could get a better sense of things… I really can’t meet someone if I have big reservations - obviously you never know till you actually meet though. Very positive that you chatted for 90 minutes though - no mean feat!

@Slothmomma ’being part of a focus group’ definitely not in my top ten hot dating fantasies 😬

I actually kind of work with stammerers in a roundabout sort of way so am certain it was his strategy. I'm meeting up with a friend soon who works with them in actuality so I'll share my thoughts with her. I was thinking video call too maybe. If I fancied him physically it probably wouldn't matter, but his profile photos weren't great quality so who knows...

I'm still head over heels with MrS. The ED went away in a big way over the past weekend.

not sure if this is a Freudian Slip or positive feedback on Mr S performance (or umm “size” ? )

WeWantTheFinestWines
hmm not feeling this one for you ? I mean you don’t have to date him if you don’t feel it x

Great you you grew out of it. It can really restrict some people's lives.

For me it felt like the elephant in the room. I kept wondering if he would comment on it but he didn't. It was constant throughout the conversation, long after he got home.

I find this interesting… voice is crucial for me and I always have a call before meeting someone. One of my friends told me she’s not bothered about voices and never has pre-date calls. We’re all so different aren’t we - I can’t imagine someone’s voice not being a huge part of my ability to find them attractive.

I've never really thought about it... I'd like to meet him to get a proper impression of him. Chat has gone very quiet though so it may have fizzled anyway.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs … voice is crucial to me too. We all have different things we consider important. But the real key here is we don’t need to date someone we are not sure about. We have choice

Maybe he was nervous… hope he's not a catfish @WeWantTheFinestWines !!

Interesting comments re voice, I used to really like Adele’s music until I heard her dammed awful London accent on a interview , can’t stick it now.

just got back from a few days touring Scotland & the Borders, I would 100% date a Scottish Woman if based on voice alone, just fantastic tones.

@ButterflyOfShay aw that's a bummer but I agree - better to know sooner rather than later

@WeWantTheFinestWines I remember listening to Gordon Brown speak and he had a similar thing which was asthma related? But as a PP said, you don't need a reason not to meet or date. Just don't do it if you're not feeling it, sometimes those dates can be so miserable, when you realise before your bum has even hit the barstool that there is zero chemistry 🧪

@ButterflyOfShay disappointing as it is (and you don't sound THAT disappointed), how good is it that you had that connection with your friend to check the situation out? Nips it in the bud. It also sounds as though it's been a great exercise in reminding yourself (and us ) that there is a shockingly old fashioned alternative to this pixels-on-a-screen lark.

Had a bit of a frazzled day yesterday which included crying to a colleague on Teams argh but rounded the day off with a video chat with Mr Nice who is still being disarmingly decent. We discussed plans for him to come here weekend after next and although I had obviously assumed he would stay over, he started to talk as though he hadn't made that assumption at all while discussing logistics and then asked me outright if it would be possible if he stayed on the sofa. I had assumed he would most definitely be staying and most definitely not on the sofa, but clearly he has not assumed that to be a given. Since my entire house will be empty, I assured him that wherever he sleeps, it probably won't need to be on an actual sofa. I really am not used to men being this 'unopportunistic' and it's making me question whether either a) my idea of.normal is not normal or b) wondering whether there's going to be enough frisson there if we do 'go there'. But perhaps 'normal' slow ways of getting to know someone do hot up, and I am just embarrassingly unused to interacting with men in a normal way?

ibelieveinmirrorballs

its not embarrassing
but you have been on FEELD which skews your views a bit on what’s ‘normal’ !!!

im the same as mainly approached dating for FWB
he’s just nice ! And probably will sleep in your bed

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

easy tiger . Nothing wrong with a London accent

@ibelieveinmirrorballs he sounds lovely!! I would so love to meet a guy like this who was just happy to hang out and not just pressuring and angling to get in the nicks! Weirdly on here it does often seem like the ladies want to jump into the physical quicker than their irons! I definitely don’t mean that in a judgy way at all.
Mirrorballs yeah my thoughts exactly I know it sounds very new age (but I kind of am, haha) I’m a huge believer of life looking out for me - as it always has - and this is just another of those examples. I’m extremely grateful for it 🤍🤍

If you have made up your mind that apps will never feature in your life again then you have no alternative to try and make new connections … I just pretend they don’t exist.. it forces you to get out there more 🙂 again really not judging I know people seem to get on with them better than I did!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow agree with the Scottish accent, Mr Beard has one and it’s definitely part of the attraction

@ibelieveinmirrorballs it sounds like he doesn’t want to pressure you or assume he can sleep in your bed before you say so - that’s lovely

@FloydPepper that sounds a reasonable list. What counts as terrible eyebrows?

I have a similar one for men, though I don’t mind dogs. Indeed it would be almost impossible to find a date if I swiped left on every guy who say they like dogs.

Ooooh @Stayingstrongish yes- lovely accent!

I don’t like the current trend of very thick, painted on, obviously made up eyebrows. I thought it was a thing that younger women did but it seems not.

the dogs thing, yeah I know it’s restricting choice but I just know I don’t like them, wouldn’t be comfortable in a house with them and I thought it best to just remove that at this stage. Not fair on a dog lover for me to get all weird at a later stage

It's both. Everything is 100% great in this department.

Separately, when he came over last night, I started to get super anxious about how serious it's all getting. I think he's objectively very nice and appropriate to my daughter and she responds well to him. However, I was slightly annoyed by two times when he was trying to help her but I found his behaviour undermining (she's 5, so trying to help her is tempting and also probably appropriate as she's fairly incompetent).

Last night i told him that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and he responded in an ideal way, saying that this sounds like an uncomfortable feeling and we can continue progressing things slowly, no problem at all.

In this discussion, I practically squirmed when he was speaking about this as a shared plan to move towards a very serious relationship even though I have essentially told him that I believe this is practically inevitable for us.

In the meantime, my ex has been sending loads of nasty emails. I think that I am having some kind of trauma response that makes me want to run from any kind of intimacy.

I'm feeling super frustrated with myself and also more confident that continuing to take things slowly is the way to go. It makes no sense that I should suddenly feel this way unless it's an emotional problem within me.

mmm a bearded Scotsman, I can see the attraction, I never fancied men, but a bearded Scot could tempt me ..