Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@TSwizzlescat are they both FWB at the moment? I think I’d have to go for the person with whom I had the strongest emotional connection - but that’s me and where I’m at right now (a history of going for emotionally unavailable types). Hot and cold would be terrible for me in a relationship that was growing more serious… I’d be a hot anxious mess.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow That is terrible. Any contact since?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I know what you mean! I've got a long history of falling for emotionally unavailable men pre my most recent bout of single life too. Mr Hotel is a long-standing fwb what I've known for 5 years, lovely, says all the right things but somewhat flakey and emotionally unavailable at times. To be honest I thought the writing was on the wall and I was finally walking away for good few months ago for the sake of my sanity but he realised I think and stepped up.

Mr Mutt is a newish iron, that I ultimately think is more likely going to be relationship material and is really lovely. Worried that things like money and untidiness could become an issue later though.

Or am I just picking holes in any potential relationship material because I've been single and set in my ways far too long?!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs no, it was lunch time today, I’ve not bothered to chase her up.
she probably did a drive by, took one look my smiling face and kept on going

“Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!"

@TSwizzlescat
rents can change and places can be tidied up.

@TSwizzlescat well I’m going to be biased as I’m in the very early days of a blossoming ‘thing’ with someone who probably earns quite a lot less than me and in an unconventional post separation set up. But he’s kind and lovely and there’s a natural gentle (but very strong!) connection. I already think there’s a sense of genuine care and interest there and it’s that I’m enjoying. Calm, care, genuine interest in getting to know you.. these are the rare qualities I think. (How untidy are we talking here?!)

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow …just horrible iron. Block her. I don’t know how anyone can do that. You will find someone nice. Stay strong there. @TSwizzlescat …go with your gut feeling. If you want a LTR choose the emotionally available as @ibelieveinmirrorballs says.

I think you're telling me what I already know deep down here. There is genuine care, affection and connection from Mr Mutt. Feel completely swept away by his openness and honesty.

Don't want to write him off based on such petty things but also think I'm constantly second guessing myself due to poor relationship history and might have set my standards unreasonably high so as not to get in the wrong relationship again.

Met a lovely guy once, solvent, honest, open, intelligent. Wrote him off because he wore a colour I hated I am the queen of self-sabotage!

Have a look at this woman’s account - I find her really on the money
vm.tiktok.com/ZMNfHruue/?k=1

HowlongWillThisTakeNow Sorry you got stood up, there’s no excuse for a no show, she could have text to say she couldn’t make it. It happened to me when I started out dating, luckily I still had a good time without him but it was a bit annoying.

My POF account is now unhidden, I’m getting lads of likes but no messages. Someone I dated for a while a few years ago has liked me, I really liked him at the time but he had a few issues in the bedroom department so it kind of fizzled out (I stopped messaging him and he didn’t chase), I’m not sure why he would ‘like’ my profile? I’m going to update my photos to try and get a few extra likes and hopefully some messages, maybe a bit of cleavage will help 🤔. I really need a summer FWB.

@TSwizzlescat untidiness played a large part of the end of my last relationship (hers not mine). I’d never take that chance again. People do t change in my experience.

maybe a bit of cleavage will help 🤔. I really need a summer FWB.

you can’t go wrong with a bit of cleavage, but unfortunately nobody wants too see my moobs 😂😂

Hi 👋🏻 @ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers all good here, 8 months and counting ... navigated a few challenges along the way and we're still a work in progress but I'm impressed at our staying power...! It helps that we have a very strong connection and we are both willing to work on our challenges 💖

@BelladiMamma …lovely hearing your news. I think you guys will go the distance 😊

@BelladiMamma wow, that’s brilliant! So happy for you. I have a lovely feeling about you two ❤️

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

oh im
annoyed on your behalf
grrrr

BelladiMamma

i remember well you meeting him and
coming off the thread
happy you are happy 😃
how the situ with his kids and ex
or too long a story ?

Lovemusic33

dont forget the word ‘fun’ in addition to cleavage photo 😬

ibelieveinmirrorballs

good luck with crazy week . A busy week mignt
do good in terms of not having time to Overthink too (being glass is half full )

I had a large gin at a neighbours yesterday and it
killed me . I was almost immediately ragey and tired and headachey
shouted at kids and snapped at Balkan via text

so , back on it
not best pleased with myself

TSwizzlescat

my vote is for MrMutt
all the way !

@Thisisworsethananticpated back on that wagon. Buy yourself some small 'treat' drinks you can pack in a bag and take with you. Like I said, I've had to give up for medical reasons and even then it's a challenge occasionally but I can 'pretend' I'm drinking if I have a nice cool straight out of the fridge pretend gin and tonic etc

MrD's stuff is complicated but we are more or less settled into a routine. His DC are ok with things, it's been hard for them as they're younger and have unpredictable contact with the DM however she's in a slightly better place now. My ex is still horrid but my DD is going low contact which is good and bad. She's upset that he doesn't initiate contact but equally she's glad of the break

Thanks, but don’t worry about it, not the best date or the worst, I remember really liking this girl in Uni, we arranged to meet up and she arrived half cut, that was probably the worst date ( and the cheapest as well).

You sound dehydrated tbh, Rude question, but was your urine dark and strong smelling

Thanks.. need all the help I can get on the overthinking front although a friend commented yesterday I’ve been remarkably calm and happy since meeting MrNice so… that’ll be a first 😝

Ref the large gin, it’s all part of the learning.. recognising each time that it just wasn’t worth the momentary sense of sinking into a comfy armchair that first drink bestows.

As @SortingItOut mentioned a few days ago, there are some good threads on MN for people wanting to stop boozing. I read one that ran for years on here called Dry and it was actually reading that as a drinker that started to get me thinking about stopping as I started to recognise how it was making me feel in the posts written by other people wanting to stop/having already stopped. I then went to an Allen Carr seminar day thing as I’m the sort who thinks if I haven’t thrown a bit of money at something it won’t work - best £200 I think I’ve ever spent. (I’ll be quiet now 😬🤪)

Lovely video call with old Nicey last night, first in a week, looking forward to seeing him tomorrow.

@Thisisworsethananticpated well done VERY well done in cutting right down… proud of ya ..and see how it affects you badly.. the longer you hold off the easier it gets i promise! And im so glad Balkans responding positively to how you said you felt.. love that 🥰

im all good thank you for asking and @ibelieveinmirrorballs … just ticking along… no romantic interests at present…not cos I don’t want to meet anyone but anyone I think is nice turns out they’re attached. I’m just going to be happy with loads of pets, friends and tatts, and ill stay happy 😘😘

I think both my heart and my head are telling me the same thing- I think I just had a panic and tried to find some reason to not commit!