Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Thanks @Eesha - had a real moment of gratitude this morning, up early and by the sea in the sunshine to do it..

The question is - do you fancy him? Have you kissed yet?

A quick goodbye kiss after the date. I think a proper kiss needed to see if the attraction is there . .. I found with the other dates , first meet always bit awkward , your not sure, then after the snog it's either a oohh yesss or ich nooo

Absolutely. I’m quite surprised at the moment with MrNice I really didn’t know until we actually snogged if I fancied him. Then when we did it was all weird and electrifying!

@Stepcount Thanks for your advice and thoughts.
I've started a mental list of things I want our relationship to be which is basic stuff about us showing our feelings (good and bad) because we hadn't been unless things were really bad.

I was disappointed he threw the not living together thing in on Thursday as we'd discussed it previously, he had gone away to research it and would come back to me if he had any questions or to discuss it. He hadn't brought it back to me and when I checked in with him over a month ago he said he'd only looked briefly as he was busy with looking at houses to buy which I totally got but then he sprung it on me.

I'd like to know more from him about what he thinks living together entails and when he thinks that might happen because I definitely won't be anywhere near ready in 5 years and I definitely won't live with him while I've got my kids at home...never mind the fact that neither of us have houses big enough for all of us.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs We are both scared of being vulnerable due to our past relationships/marriage but if we're going to do this properly we've got to more open.

Thanks to everyone else for your comments.

I'll update once the chat has happened.

Just been catching up with the thread.. good luck @SortingItOut really hope the chat goes well.. must have been horrid seeing him out and not speaking to him 😞💗

Go @ibelieveinmirrorballs 🏃‍♀️ Congratulations on your run!

ibelieveinmirrorballs

i’ll go one step further and say congrats for living by the sea !! Make me jealous and say how many
minutes walk away you are

ButterflyOfShay
how are ya ?

Ah thanks @ButterflyOfShay - yes, how are you doing? Any more Turk sightings? All okay there?

@Thisisworsethananticpated and how are you today? Are you feeling calmer? Don't be too jealous... I'm about a 10 minute walk from the beach. Moved down from London after living there for 20+ years so it was a big shift!

Morning all.

id love to live near the sea, so can I join in the jealousy?

exchanged a couple of texts with the doctor (as the super bright academic will now be known) but I’m still 50:50 on her if I’m honest.

also carried on with miss stroppy (as feels slightly appropriate) in the hope it’s a humour thing. I was busy gigging last night (festival so unavailable all afternoon and evening) so woke this morning to an “are you alive” text. Said hello, then she said she doesn’t message fist, so I’m not sure how to take that. I think maybe you lot were tight about this one…

Morning all! Hot one again. Mr farmer hasn't replied to.me I think I've cooled him off.... never mind I'm not that bothered. How are we all fixed for upcoming dates....? I have Mr bike next weekend..mmm now he is luverly......

ibelieveinmirrorballs

10 minutes 😡
you should be happy every single day 😬

all calm this end
been off the sauce
since declaration of feelings and boundaries all very calm and nice with Balkan , so glad I did it

today , I have no complaints

FloydPepper

she just can’t zip it can she ! Have you even met her yet ? Stroppy miss

That would be a no from me @FloydPepper - passive aggressive followed by the “it was just a joke” schtick - no thanks. There’s nothing jokey about questioning you like that. In the bin I say. This is that person putting their best foot forward… it would only continue or get worse!

@Thisisworsethananticpated great to hear Balkan has responded to your declarations. Well done that man.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

we havnt discussed anything per se

but we’re being nice to each other and not pissing each other off , as we know what pisses the other off better now
he said something abiut his birthday in January which was sweet as indicated he thought I’d be his friend Come January 23

but don’t rush to buy a hat 😁

any sonnets today ? Dried flowers 💐

@Thisisworsethananticpated well - responding can be in behaviour rather than direct conversation... it's all good and here's to it being a sustained change.

Nothing much to report here. Plans afoot for him to come meet me in my hotel after awards thing on Tuesday. I'm finding it all quite challenging if I'm honest, I am struggling to be emotionally open with him whereas he is being very straightforward and open with me. I feel wobbly and then we speak on the phone and hearing his voice makes me feel calm and excited at the same time... it's all very odd and different to my usual thing where I'm the one being 'open' and struggling to get the same out of the other person.

I've got a ridiculously busy work week all over the place and three overnights, two in London one up north. Looking forward to my upcoming holiday in just under two weeks at my favourite hotel... sans kids... can't wait.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

its a hectic few weeks . Good you don’t drink and go to bed early !

silly question but what’s he being emotionally open about ? Could you have more mundane day to day friendly chit chat
would that change anything for you relaxation wise ?

I would not cope if I was drinking… 🤪

It’s a good challenge re his openness. He’s made it very clear he likes me and would like us to continue to get to know each other on a deeper level. There is no uncertainty around it. He’s made it clear he is open to intimacy and his manner is very sensual, creative, open. I find it a bit unnerving - it’s hard to explain because he’s also not being full on, we’re not in touch the whole time, there’s no grand talk of futures. I knew for example if we had sex it wouldn’t be flinging each other round the bedroom (a la MrM) but would be emotional, respectful and intimate. Argh. I think I’m the one who’s afraid of it all after all.

hi all,

just thought I’d catch up with everyone. I may not be dating at the moment, but I can live though you lot. 🙂

@Thisisworsethananticpated sending lots of love to you, you can do this! ❤️😘🤗

@SortingItOut glad that you’re going to chat to Mr K. Thinking of you and hope that you can iron things out somehow.

@FloydPepper great to hear that you had a great date. She sounds lovely 🙂

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Well done for getting though your parkrun. 🙂

@BelladiMamma lovely to see you back. How’s things with your iron? 🙂

@Eesha how’s things with Mr Blue? 🙂

Blimey, give that one a swerve

So today was supposed to be a pre-date, meet-up with someone I kinda sorta know and she stood me up, terrific.

Also had a message from Ms H ( who apparently has Covid), who has asked me, very politely if I could possibly collect something for her,

What are everyone's thoughts on non negotiables once you've had enough of casual dating and are actually looking for a relationship?

I've been single 7 years and had a lot of fun casual relationships in that time, they had no future and were essentially fwb situations that suited me down to the ground as I ultimately enjoyed being single and was rebuilding myself after an awful marriage/divorce. Finally at the stage where I know who I am, don't need anyone for anything as I'm very self sufficient but would really like to find love and share my life with someone, to know someone cares about me and i about them.

I've got two current irons- one we'll call Mr Hotel and the other Mr Mutt.

Mr Hotel is probably more my type on paper, similar careers, same education level. He can be really lovely but he definitely blows a bit hot and cold- could be job related as we both work in a very high pressured environment. Plus he has 50/50 access with his child who is still primary school age. I know this has been an issue in a previous relationship although his girlfriend then didn't have kids so didn't get that they come first. I have kids so I totally get that, although mine are older. Occasionally takes me on exciting adventures but then sometimes doesn't reply for a week. Does talk about future plans of things we can do together but had form for being a bit flakey on this in the past. Seems better recently. Could also be that he's only interested in me for sex and work grumbles as well though and just sugar coats it really well!

Mr Mutt is lovely, the first guy I've met in forever who wasn't just after sex asap! He's kind, really attentive and what you see is what you get, very open with what he wants in life and emotionally more available and happy to take things slow and make sure we both really want this relationship before we dive in with both feet. All I get is good signals from him about a potential future though. Has introduced me to friends as his date etc. However he is a little less solvent, still earns good money but paying a lot of child support and high city rent. Also a bit untidy with regards to his house but he has been on his own a very long time.

It's getting to the stage where I feel I have to let go of one of them go. Not that the other one will necessarily become my one true love - but feel I need to figure out if one of them at least has the potential and don't feel I can do that multi-dating. Thoughts?!

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow what, just didn’t turn up? WTF is wrong with some people? Worst I had was someone cancelling on me 30 mins before we were meant to meet and even then only when I prompted him to check we were still on. Immediate block and delete in my case.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs yep, she just plain didn’t turn up,
not totally the end the world, I had a nice hour sitting in a pub garden looking at all the lovely lovely ladies …