Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Hi all, can I join in? Was here a couple of years ago (name change now though) and found someone online, went out with him for two years, thought all was going great, woo hoo, this is it Pushka, at the grand old age of 59 you've finally met the one after a disastraous LTR and marriage. Sadly, not the case as he decided he was 'going through the motions' a few weeks ago and once again I'm single.

Still licking my wounds but will slowly venture back on to OLD, not quite ready for it yet but thought I'd at least join in here and get chatting to some fellow singles who are navigating the highs and lows of OLD!

@FloydPepper I can so relate! I miss my ex so much, but, like you say, I think I need to remind myself it wasn't all rainbows and roses. But losing the companionship is so touch isn't it, knowing that there's someone there to listen and go out with etc etc. We'll get there, it's a tough bumpy road at times though. It'll be a good day when I don't shed a tear over him. Keep on keeping on 💐

I’ve felt the same
I realised that I was using dating and shit to fill a gap that actually I’m a single mum , work from home, and im lonely
and works shit ! And not fun

summers helping as I’m way more proactive to get out , do things
but I’ve felt the same many times

hello lovely people…I am meeting Mr It tomorrow!!! He has moved stuff to see me earlier ( before it was supposed to be Monday). He wants to do something on Saturday too 🙄…Sunday he’s with DD…he’s so far very chatty and answers messages immediately. He’s looking good but I will not know until I meet him. I’m quite relaxed about it because I’m not head over heels over anyone…I feel this is a long long way and I’m having fun with the dates I’m having so far. A lot of this dating is both of us being at the right time to actually date and invest in relationship…

Mila14
good luck !
he’s funny wanting to meet you Saturday !
he hasn’t met you yet
enjoy 😉

@Mila14 I thought you were seeing someone else?, the Birthday guy ?, or am I getting my wires crossed?

@Mila14 ignore me, wire crossed, brain cells fried.

😂😂😂…Mr C lasted 5 dates…then I met Mr Golf…only one date…now Mr It…I just don’t want to compromise. I’d rather keep dating and enjoying nice times until I’m ready or the right guy comes along. No pressure. These dates are perfectly civilised… wine and dine and good conversation. But one date is really enough to see whether there’s traction there or not at all…

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow is this a blip with Ms H ? ( you implied that something had happened in your previous post) I am sure you are aware but her DD will have finished exams now and as a parent who has been through this and as a teacher for many years the A level stress/wait for results/uni place was the worst of the lot.

The same thing happened with Mr C…he wanted to plan 3 days without ever having met me ( he got his dates a bit later on though…)

@SortingItOut I know the exams are done & she has talked about going to Uni open days, not sure about results/ grades and 1st choices or if DD has to go through clearing etc.
I know her DD seems pretty switched on and wants to Study Law, I have heard Bristol mentioned as 1st choice also Glasgow ( those are about as far apart as as possible, !, I don’t think she will get into any Oxford/ Cambridge colleges, but somewhere like Leeds or Nottingham or Loughborough would be easier for travel really)

but last weekend was our wedding reception away, and she was really stressed about it ( not sure why), but due to fuel prices etc, I drove us both, we’ were a bit late getting there (my fault), so didn’t really eat much, had to get changed quickly and get to the reception location, she (ms H), knew lots of the ppl there (which is fine), but she hit the free wine & bar quite hard, got pissed and was flirting with a couple of blokes she clearly knew,), back at out hotel I was tired and annoyed so declined her drunken advances much to her annoyance and she snores like bloody train when drunk !
next day she was like a bear with a sore head and generally an arsehole all the way home.( if we had traveled separately I would have just left her there).

so not really a fun weekend away., currently in 2 minds if I really want to carry on with this relationship, leaning towards not at the moment

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I'd throw her right back in personally. You drove her, was her plus one, then she gets pissed and flirts with other blokes? No thanks.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow , not sure if sorting commented too so think you are replying to me.
Ms H's behaviour doesn't sound great, given that you had driven and knew no one at the wedding. I know that you have been fairly pragmatic about things with her, seeing how it might develop but also it seems taking it for what it is whilst her DD is still at home.
I definitely wouldn't appreciate going somewhere with a 'date' and then watching them flirt with other people, not on at all. If I had limited time and was going away with my fella for a weekend I would want to be making the most of it with him . How has communication been since you got back ?

@SortingItOut apologies, above reply was for @Stepcount wasn’t wearing my glasses 👓
no, no communication from either side, to be honest work is really stressful and quite shit for me right now, so I’m probably not a particularly good frame of mind right now either.
but yeah the entire weekend away was pretty shit.

Totally agree with this - @HowlongWillThisTakeNow unless she’s massively apologetic who needs a weekend like that?! Hope she contributed towards fuel costs if you drove the two of you!

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

how disappointing
on the one hand I can imagine myself doing some of that

• being nervous


• getting stressed


• getting shit faced

thats my modus operandai 🙈

but , not with a partner there

has she texted since ?
i think a clear statement is needed
but it’s clearly a difficult conversation

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow …I can’t imagine going to a wedding as a plus one where I know no one and seeing my partner plastered and flirting with other people. It’s a no from me. I know you like Mrs H a lot but if she can’t do her utmost best at the beginning of your relationship…i can’t imagine how bad it will get along the line. Normally people do a big effort at the beginning at least.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Not making excuses for Ms H as her behaviour was inexcusable but the stress prior to the wedding reception means something (even if only to her), it was also a big deal taking you as her plus one (did you resolve the 'what are we going as?' question) so I'm not surprised she was drunk to cope with things (especially as you didn't eat).

If you went as FWB then technically she did nothing wrong although morally it is wrong.

Unless you get an apology and an explanation I'd be letting her go.

Thanks all, we had a brutal conversation on the journey home, she was embarrassed but not apologetic about her behaviour, she just said said she was letting her hair and I should chill..
anyhow currently the ball is in my court ( gratuitous Wimbledon reference) with regards to next move.
im out riding all day tomorrow (6am start), I think I’ll probably let her know it’s over on Sunday

Sounds like a good call. To not have any understanding of the fact you were there knowing nobody apart from her is incredibly selfish. You deserve much better treatment than that.

Great you’re getting out on your bike tomorrow!

Ah @HowlongWillThisTakeNow - I’m sorry she wasn’t aware enough to realise what she’d done. It’s no basis for a good relationship is it. Hope you’re ok

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow I agree with others, she is not treating you well and you deserve better and can do better.

As for me - have quite a few matches on hinge. Had a couple or chats yesterday with 3. There is definitely a front runner out of those but I doubt I'll hear any further- to be blunt I'd definitely be punching with him as he's what I consider to be gorgeous and my ideal iron 😁

Have another match from tinder who has moved over to whatsapp and is quite chatty.

The problem I'll have is that with school winding down for all the kids I have lots of things for them and me already on July calendar so am going to be stretched for time to actually date 🤦‍♀️

I've been a longtime lurker on this thread. It's really helped me have perspective when internet dating! Not had anything worth posting about though so never posted before.

I've been single 6 years and been on the Tinder/Bumble for most of that but not really been interested in dating seriously. I needed that time to be single and figure out who I am again after a lifetime of long term relationships with douchbags. Had some fun though and FWB type situations through Tinder, although it's been slim pickings to find guys I actually find attractive.

Recently decided that I'm ready to look for a relationship again. Extracted myself from previous casual arrangements a few months back. Low and behold I've met someone on tinder. We'll call him Mr G. We actually have mutual acquaintances and used to vaguely know each other years ago but I was in a terrible marriage then. He's genuine and respectful, single for years and not had an actual date at all in that time as he wanted to be sure he was ready and it was right.

From the get go he's asked me what I'm looking for, been honest about what he wants. Our values and what we want in life align perfectly. We've had 3 dates, no alcohol involved and I could just talk to him for hours. It's taken me totally by surprise. Feeling on cloud nine, trying to be rational but he's honestly everything I've been looking for. What are the soul searching questions I need to ask myself before I get totally carried away?!

@Slothmomma I found the apparent ‘quality’ on hinge was better, and I’m now friends with one of my hinge dates… but I did always feel like I was punching 😅

glad you’ve got some options, even if pinning down an actual date is tricky.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow … enjoy your ride and I agree with everyone else here. You deserve better.
@Slothmomma … we’ll done on your multiple iron approach and yes July is difficult for us mums! Keep working at your top iron !

i went out yesterday with Mr It… he was quite nice but I like really tall men. He said he was 5’11” which is already not my preference but he was shorter I think. It would not have been a huge issue if I liked him but I found it weird he kept talking about really personal stuff regarding his childhood and his parents… I don’t like therapy sessions on a first date. So there will be no second date and I will write to him politely to wish him the best. I will keep my eye open for new iron but it’s really difficult , I’m a lot away with kids and I’m not ready to compromise
Enjoy weekend everyone

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow If she was hungover she may have been defensive but I would then expect an apology when she considered her behaviour.
Such a shame she hasn't offered one.

I hope you have a great day today and you put her out of your mind.

I do think seeing someone out of their natural habitat is a good idea early on in a relationship so you can see what they're like at social events and when drinking.