Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …I love your comparison with junk food… satisfying but SO UNHEALTHY… This is why I can’t do FWB…

ibelieveinmirrorballs

its early days but I’d be very very careful with MrM
esp as you have a new potential (admittedly you havnt shagged him yet)

he’s like the serpent in the garden of eden that one
be wary !

Mila14

you are dating a lot , iron woman dating !

maybe just think of it as meeting new people and having experiences
as you just don’t know ….
but it has to be fun whatever happens ?

as even a date that doesn’t turn out right still has to have some positives (new people , new conversation )?

I seem to now have 2 men on the go! I didn't plan for this, but to stop me being too invested in one man in the early stages. I've now been on 2 dates with both of them and I feel like I need to decide which one to carry on with. The trouble is that I know I'll end up choosing the wrong one and then end up with no-one...

@Thisisworsethananticpated …so far I’ve had good fun in my dates and good dinners 😊. So a bit of social. Absolutely delightful men. But I’m picky and it has to feel right to me as I’m looking for a proper relationship. Roll on Mr It. We are going to see whether we can meet before Monday as I will be away for a while and not available for a few weeks. We’ll see. This one… I find quite sexy. Real life is what we need.

Don’t @lesgalettes …I think it’s brilliant you are in between 2 good irons. Date them both a bit more if you are unsure who to choose

@Mila14 Thanks. I do feel like I want to carry on with both. In some ways it's good because I have a tendency of being too intense too early, and it's impossible to be too intense when messaging two men! Maybe I'll do one more date with each....

@lesgalettes being too invested/intense early on is my issue too, think you’d be wise to do at least one more date with both! It’s a good approach to keep you in check. Good luck!

Levithecat
sorry abiut mr piano
its disappointing to say the least
id definitely not text and not engage and write off

And take a break , sometimes that’s all that needed . Get your mojo back . Freeze profiles for a while
then pop back on in a few weeks ?

lesgalettes
Two ! Go you
I know what you mean about making wrong decisions
I take my hat off to you , I can’t even manage one
another poster had this a while back and on the end the decision made itself as she clearly fancied one much more than the other

hotnakedgelato

ah just tell him ! As everyone said he’s lovely
you know he’s not your ex
he’s nothing like your ex !
but not everyone is a birthday person (I’m not )

so him not arranging doesn’t mean anything bad or a lack of care
vanquish those ex ghosts

is he (ex) still sending nasty messages ?

@lesgalettes I think keep dating and one will no doubt feel like more of a front runner soon enough, especially if you are likely to get overinvested early on.

@Levithecat sorry about Mr Piano, he was probably multidating too but better you found out now.

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated and @Eesha - it is disappointing after months of dating but not fancying anyone I met… but think you’re right that he’s probably dating others and felt more of a connection with someone else. I’m going to take a break and try the odd night out / gig instead.

I’m feeling a bit down today
missing my ex (I know I’m just missing the good stuff and minimising the stuff that made it not work, and just missing the friendship tbh). I’ve always been happy living on my own but if I’m honest I’m suddenly a bit lonely, which is a new development.
work is rubbish too. I’m just a bit fed up all round.

FloydPepper

sometimes it’s good to let it out

can you make some plans to either see loved ones , or help loved ones ?

when I feel like this I have to push myself
I even have a list of
people who cheer me up
people who may , may not
people who won’t - avoid !

and boring but make sure you exercise and eat good

and no apps , banned

chin up xxxx

@FloydPepper Do you have hobbies/interests?

Life can feel crap when lots of things aren't going right.

I agree with Thisis,can you meet up with friends or family who make you feel good?

@Levithecat I kinda felt this early on but my guy had the decency to say he'd been seeing someone else too but it had progressed. I was gutted but actually someone new will come along for sure!

I do, and I’m making sure to keep busy with those, and seeing friends. I think it’s just a “flat” phase I need to ride out tbh.

@FloydPepper Accepting your feelings is part of the journey in life, it's good you recognise it and I agree that sometimes we have flat phases.
It's when the flat phases go on longer or get more frequent that we should speak to our GP.

Embrace some self care/love and hopefully this will pass.

Is there anything you can do about work to make it not rubbish?

Thanks
work wise, I’ve loved wfh for the last couple of years and I now actually head up an overseas team from home. I think some time in the office agsin might be good though (and I do know some uk based people so it wouldn’t be a wasted commute). I think I just need some interaction (like I say, that’s odd for me as I’m normally happy in my own company)

so yes. The odd office trip. The odd meet with a mate. The hobby (music) is ticking along so I have that fairly frequently.

those times are tough @FloydPepper . I definitely find seeing some (girl)friends, even if just a video chat, helps on days like that. I’m wfh full time and a full time mum to two under 8 so I definitely get like that if I don’t have enough adult company.

@Eesha that is how people should behave right. I think OLD encourages poor behaviour - you window shop, message multiple folk based on very little etc.
im tempted to send him a message to just say I assume he’s met someone else and wish him the best.

I know how you feel mate, I’ve had a falling out with current iron, work is so stressful not really sleeping, but I’ve a full weekend of hobbying lined up,

chest in , chin up & have a beer 🍻 and talk crap with your mates, living alone is lonely sometimes, but then I read some of the stuff on this forum, watch some crap on the telly and leave the toilet seat up and it’s suddenly not so bad 🥃

FloydPepper Feeling similar at the moment though I don’t miss my ex (it’s been so long) but I do miss just having someone to talk too and the romantic stuff. I need to try a bit harder and find some more irons but I’m not feeling attractive and often feel I haven’t got much to offer in a relationship.

Mr Cherry has hardly messaged since last time I saw him, I’m not chasing after him as I have a feeling he would end up hurting me anyway, he obviously has a few issues, possibly with his own mental health, a part of me still wants him to contact me and part of me really wants to sh#g him it I’m sure I will get over it. My only other iron lives quite far away and we can never seem to find a day when we are both free to meet so at the moment it feels like we are just Penpals.
I need to reactivate my POF profile but it feels tedious. I’m tempted to try a hook up site instead just because it’s been sooooo long, with summer holidays coming up and no child care I haven’t really got time for serious dating.

I’m sure you have absolutely loads to offer! I know it can feel bad when you’re not getting many responses but it won’t be that you have nothing to offer.

I mean, I’m an absolutely fucking awesome catch and I’m not getting many! It’s annoying they’re not seeing that 😀