Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Maybe us all chatting on this thread and sharing experiences is making us stronger together and realising what we should and shouldn’t put up with!
Can’t say I don’t wish I had what others have on here but hearing how the healthy things are going helps me realise what it is I need 💓

@ibelieveinmirrorballs still looking into it 🐸 getting some quotes, ive no idea how much it will be.

ButterflyOfShay

dont worry , you’ve always got me to bring the side down 😂
it’s unusually romantic and successful right now !
And I’m really happy and I’ve seen what people had before

we need some newbies with bad dates

At least you've got some excitements @Thisisworsethananticpated though he’s not ideal!! I’ve not even had a snog or any sort of date this year yet 😭🥺

That’s a long time
I actually don’t know what I’d do without the apps
last Xmas I almost threw myself at my painter
and builder

it’s a tough one for sure butterfly 🤔
and I’d dread getting back on them
but one day I suspect I will !

I don’t know what I’d do without them either - I’ve managed to meet people I’d never normally cross paths with and it’s been good for me to do that. Like you say @Thisisworsethananticpated there’s every chance I would have ended up throwing myself inappropriately at my ----builder!

ButterflyOfShay
if you really want frogs 🐸 beat in mind they are very secretive !!! I barely see mine !

sometimes when gardening or under a log

I have a paddling pool I converted and I mainly
know they exist as they lay (tadpoles ) every year

i started them a few years ago as I took
some tadpoles from a pond one spring

@ButterflyOfShay …is having all of us checking frogs in Google !!! 😂😂😂..a lot more fun than checking irons

Now I want frogs, but I think my garden isn't the best environment for them! I love that you self-populated your garden with tadpoles, @Thisisworsethananticpated

Yesterday, I pointed out to Mr S that he hadn't attempted to secure my time for a birthday dinner or anything and he thanked me for reminding him, saying he forgot . Literally all I want is to for the day to be acknowledged and taken out for dinner.

I'm feeling far more disappointed than expected or I would want to feel. This may be why I didn't even tell him about my upcoming birthday until he asked. My ex constantly disappointed me in this way, and I didn't want to put myself through that again.

@hotnakedgelato I think I'd feel a bit hurt too but then Mr S may not even know its important to you so I would see what he does on the day. Not everyone is that bothered about birthdays and he clearly likes you hugely. Mr Blue shyly told me he had booked the day off to take me out. Honestly no one would have ever done such a thing for me so I was taken aback but even if it doesn't work out, I think he's set a bar for me now.

@Eesha wow, that's amazingly thoughtful of Mr Blue! That's really lovely.

@hotnakedgelato my ex was the same - no effort was made for anything - birthdays; Christmas; anniversaries - and he knew that I am especially keen on birthdays to be marked in some small way. Mr S knows now so wait and see what he does for you.

my birthday was about 6 weeks after I first met Mr L and he was so lovely even getting me a thoughtful but inexpensive gift which I did not expect at that early stage
I knew then he was a keeper!

And I’m afraid of frogs 🐸 😂

@MayEye that is great! It's so nice to feel loved and appreciated after a bad relationship

@hotnakedgelato have you told him now that this a bit of a trigger issue for you? I’d agree in that now he knows, see what happens.. he clearly cares a lot. Is this an extension of the kind of thing you mentioned a few weeks ago in that you wanted him to be more “on it” in terms of proactive planning?

Not much to report here. MrM messaged me randomly at the weekend which has stirred things up again a bit. I responded but didn’t prolong the exchange; can’t help daydreaming a bit about seeing him but really deep down know there’s no point.

Hi all, we have lots of frogs! There’s a breeding pond near us and our road is closed once a year for the migration.

it’s frustrating when you have to mention things, @hotnakedgelato - takes the edge off any subsequent effort. But, worth mentioning your previous bad experiences to see if he picks up on it.

I have just taken myself off OLD sites (was on bumble and match). Just finding I’m getting too invested early on. Had two lovely dates last week with a bloke (let’s call him Mr Piano - he’s a musician) - he’s the first one I’ve actually fancied. Then he cancelled a third because he was poorly (fine) and since then his texts have totally changed tone. And he hasn’t tried to rearrange. It’s so disappointing. The only other bloke I felt a vague attraction too also failed to make any real effort. I find myself obsessing so need to just take a breather. Doesn’t help that the last time I was single was in my early 20s when everything was very intense - not sure I know what feelings are normal.
now to try and find a date off OLD… need to take up cycling or something. Any ideas?!

@hotnakedgelato chiming in with @ibelieveinmirrorballs but at the same time some people are just a bit crap with birthdays / marking dates, and he isn’t a mind reader, it’s good you’ve pointed it out to him now hopefully he’s going to make a plan for you. I think you need to try not to pin old previous hurts and disappointments onto him, you’ve not known each other that long and it does sound like he really cares!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs Is he still testing the waters with you.. seeing if there’s an opening 🙄

Love it that there are so many froggy fans on here! I think ive started a movement 🥰🐸
Chatted to my boss today who told me she had frogs in a pond and at one point there were more than 30 😅 she had to be careful with the lawnmower 😱😱

Sorry you’ve been having a rubbish time with it @Levithecat . It’s very disheartening isn’t it.
I don’t OLD but do find I make lots of connections just frequenting coffee shops 🥰 I have made at least 4 nice new local friends lately, I do think the more connections you have the more likely you are to meet someone. Good luck 💛

Not quite sure what he’s up to but was sending me through some music he thought I’d like. I’ve had Covid and a birthday since we last spoke on the phone but resisted the urge to share any such details with him. Think he thinks he’s keeping the plate spinning in case there’s a chance of meeting up at some point between now and death, but who knows.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs …but you are invested on your new man right?? Mr Nice? Do you still feel stirred by MrM??😳

@hotnakedgelato …I am also like you about marking birthdays and special dates…I think it’s ok, some guys are not that bothered about details??? I think you should give him a chance to redeem himself and try not to get to upset. He clearly wants to make you happy and that counts a lot.
@Levithecat …I totally understand you wanting to take a breather. I think I will probably use holiday time away to rest from app too. I’ve tried Match a few times and always cancel after 2 weeks…it’s depressing there.

Im talking a lot with new iron Mr It…he looks open emotionally to a relationship but the question is …will we have the right chemistry when we meet? And also …am I open emotionally to date one guy? We are planning to meet next Monday as he has his kid on Sunday and I’m not available before that

I feel as though things are a bit unresolved. We met and were intimate 3 months after splitting. He suggested several things we could meet and continue to do (FWB basically) and we’ve spoken a few times since then, but a couple of weeks ago I had a bit of a moment of clarity and thought JUST… NO. I haven’t articulated this to him but stopped initiating any contact, and this is his first “reaching out”. I don’t know whether to just let it (whatever it is, nothing really) wither on the vine or have a conversation where I say “this isn’t really a friendship is it, let’s leave it”. I am keen on Mr Nice and we are due for second well overdue meet on Saturday. MrM is my nemesis really but I’m starting to see it as a “junk food” type of connection that is ultimately unfulfilling. It’s hard because I massively fancy him, and he makes me guffaw with laughter.

I agree with Butterfly…my new plan is to make more connections with nice people in my area ( I’m in London) and rely more on that. In the end we always had a good time going for a natter and a wine with friends.