Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Thisisworsethananticpated …women caves are fab…seriously. I’m having a pause ( and chatting to 3 guys 😂😂😂). I will not say which iron is a front runner until I know better…
@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers …get a bit of women cave space and rest from the malarkey please.
@ButterflyOfShay …I had a laugh at the pond and frogs…you really know what a prince looks like
@ibelieveinmirrorballs …call me silly but I can’t fall for a guy who can’t say I love you and mean it. You are in a much better place now
@Eesha …I love is Mr Blue is really making you so very happy. Have you guys DTD now?

one funny thing…guy I had a bit of tryst a long time ago has started to DM again…he’s always trying to see me. Here is the thing. We “tried” to DTD a long time ago as I had a short break up from Mr Ex…SIZE matters girls…😂😂😂seriously. That’s why I need to DTD before. I know sex is super key for me. It’s not everything as MrC was quite good at that, but it does matter massively.

@ButterflyOfShay thank you lovely. I’ve took some medication now. I’m trying to stay positive and not get angry but it’s really hard sometimes. I just want to move on with my life 😘😘

@Mila14 ❤️😘😘

You deserve some support @Thisisworsethananticpated . It sounds like you support everyone.. where’s yours! I completely get comparing it and feeling like actually it might not good enough. You deserve the best 💛

I think you’re doing so well. Hang on in there things will get better 💕💕

@Thisisworsethananticpated I feel the same as you. I read posts on here and I get that ‘I want something like that.’ You deserve someone who will treat you like a queen ❤️😘

@ButterflyOfShay thank you so much. I really appreciate that 💕💕💕💕

Hello again…I have a front runner and we will meet Monday night by the looks of it 😝… we’ll call him Mr It…He looks quite ok but we will not know until I meet him. I have ditched Mr Golf swiftly and one other iron I was chatting to. So I think I don’t want to meet anyone else at the moment

SIZE matters girls…😂😂😂seriously.

more bad news for old men 😂😂😂😂

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow …you are not old…stop it.

@Mila14 nope, not DTD as I want to wait and see how the relationship goes so possibly will end up being say next month ie 3 months after meeting. I have no qualms about the chemistry, I'm just not someone who has wanted a ton of partners plus I'm definitely one to overinvest when sex is involved. By then I think I'll have a better idea about things.

Excellent @Eesha …take your time as he’s clearly very important for you and you mark your times. You will enjoy overinvesting 😂😂😂

@Thisisworsethananticpated bear in mind a lot of these situations are early days and people are always lovely then! I do think you should write off Mr Balkan, I don't think he adds any real value to your life, just a source of anxiety.

Happy Birthday @Eesha - we had the same birthday weekend... glad you had a fab time with Mr Blue. I hear you on the desire to rein in the eating or whatever, now my birthday is out of the way there is NO EXCUSE. I've put on a bit of weight since getting Covid and really want to get back on track.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I'd agree with Eesha in that these are early day flourishings in relationships so yes everyone is putting their best foot forward. But I also think that you feeling like this is a sign that fwb is not for you, with Balkan or anyone. Because if you have these feelings then settling for fwb (whilst we can convince ourselves logically is all we have space for or whatever) will always cause awkward feelings. I'm finding it poignant to even have someone actively want to find ways we can ensure we get together when possible with MrNice - he's bringing his diary over this weekend because we're both a bit unsure that there's even going to be a single overlap of available weekends this summer due to preplanned holidays etc. This simple act shines a light on the anxiety-inducing contrast with MrM, the tiptoeing around and not wanting to overstep an invisible line in terms of wanting too much.

Having said all that, to @Mila14 's point, we have not yet had sex and until I know there's compatibility there, this could all be for nowt!

@Eesha
This is terrifyingly true!!! It takes ages for monsters to show their true selves, or even for normal cracks to show...

personally, I am watching and waiting for this to happen (though maybe this isn't healthy). My birthday is in a couple of weeks and I can already feel myself getting ready to be annoyed and disappointed, as it's pretty clear that Mr S is not good at planning ahead and this is a trigger point for me (due to my ex refusing to plan ahead to the point he would stop me planning anything).

So, it's not all wine and roses all the time and early relationships are very vulnerable.

ibelieveinmirrorballs

when I’m happy I can handle it
but when I’m tired , worried , stressed and sad I can’t
I just want someone to look after me !

hence I’m doing nothing and I’m in the cave and I’m thinking 🤔

...do they shrink?

This is really great… I know it’s cheesy old corn but I really believe that if something’s meant to be then it will, fate finds a way.. we can try and force things and make things happen and it doesn’t work but when something’s meant to be it will all fall into place..

Sorry,, just had to share this cutey… I've gone a bit frog crazy 💚💚

And you deserve someone to do that. None of us can be happy all the time, it’s putting pressure on which can’t ever be sustained. There’s an inevitability to the down times and I think in time you’ll just be sick enough of them that you give it up. Comfy caves are good. X

😬🐸 what has your research uncovered? Is it affordable? Are you going to go for it??

I have no idea what will happen with blokey. But I suppose the difference being at the moment that while I get through this early bit, I don’t feel anxious or worried about it anyway so it doesn’t really matter. It’s shocking to me the difference between how I’ve felt before when the prospect of things Not Working Out with someone I barely knew made me anxious and jittery - madness really. The uncertainty causes insane clinging on when actually the uncertainty should have had me running in the opposite direction.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs The uncertainty causes insane clinging on when actually the uncertainty should have had me running in the opposite direction.

This x1000! Your attitude seems super healthy, and probably is the best way actually to find a good guy

ibelieveinmirrorballs

yes I’m also very impressed at the ground taken
and your awareness
kudos lady !
whatever happens with Mr Nice I think it’s been a very positive shift

im getting there !!!!!
ive binned all my other irons i was semi flirting with via WhatsApp
as even with overseas i realised he was a bit of an arse too !!!

Erections go soft, Balls shrink, belly expands, hair recedes, I swear I look more like Gollum with each passing day.

I’m battling constantly with worry that I don’t/won’t fancy him enough, he’s not funny enough, he’s not edgy enough, etc etc 🙄 But actually I really enjoy our chats, he makes me feel calm, he does make me smile a lot, etc etc, and he is actually quite unconventional and out there, just not in a fucked up way. Let’s see how it goes, all v early doors.

Binning unsatisfying chats is good. “Because you’re worth it” etc etc <insert swish of hair>

@Thisisworsethananticpated It just sounds like you are accepting Mr Balkan is the best you can get. I do think when sex is involved, it's hard not to get emotionally invested.