Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

It depends how close we were. If it was someone I saw occasionally, I’d probably only want it raised in a lighthearted way. Why would you be raising it - out of concern or complaint?

I say this as someone who’s had heavy snoring exes - I absolutely hate having to deal with it as an issue - it is so sensitive but also can destroy my night and mean I really dread sleeping over with them. With my last ex, I ended up spending a fortune on Bose sleep earphones which helped a bit but made me slightly resentful as he didn’t seem to care that much that he was so bad (he was a terrible snorer). He was a bit overweight so the subject always feels like you’re kind of saying ‘you need to sort out your entire health’. Last two irons were in great health and didn’t snore - it was amazing.

I imagine most of us in this thread could basically be described as middle aged, with grey hair and compromised eyesight… so I’d like to suggest these are not limiting factors in themselves…

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I had realised that MsH was a bit of a snorer, as she is a bit overweight “cuddly “ you could say, and being post menopausal I know can increase the likelihood of snoring, mix in a weekend away and a few drinks she was really going for it !
no plans for cohabitation and even the the likely hood of stay overs seem to be receding faster than my hair at the moment, so probably a non issue for now.

Have been off the thread and super busy the last few days. Just catching up.

@ButterflyOfShay glad that you seem to be feeling a bit better

@ibelieveinmirrorballs happy birthday and pleased that your party went well! Mr Nice continues to sound super nice

@Eesha same with Mr Blue - really nice to hear that

Thanks for this thoughtful post! Yes, I have a therapist whom I have been seeing regularly, though our last session focused on a friendship/work drama rather than on my romance.

I think that you're spot on and it's just going to be a bit difficult to adjust to a new person and find a way to fully trust again.

That said, MrS continues to prove himself to be 100 % loving, caring, and reasonable. I talked to him last week about feeling overwhelmed and he was understanding and said we can continue moving at this fairly reasonable/slow pace or even dial things back a bit if I think this is what I need. (I told him that continuing as we are is probably best).

We spent a lot of time with each others' friends this weekend and it was great. I'm feeling totally in love, to be honest. Everything is off the scales, including the sex, which is amazingly emotionally connected.

I'm continuing to try to moderate things to the extent possible because it's super intense emotionally and I don't want to go overboard or get too integrated into each others' lives until we get to know each other better - I think time is really the only way to do this. So we are only seeing each other a couple of times a week etc

Oh, and my friend who met MrS over the weekend told me that he's obviously completely and totally smitten, and warned me not to break his heart! She gave the opinion that he would never end things and I am probably the bigger flight risk/one who could end up stifled and bored. I think that this is right.

(sorry for the book ^) 😬

The individual in question here goes by the name of Vincent L Mercer. I am persistent here as had another warning removed. Be careful.

@hotnakedgelato this a sounds so lovely 🥰

So happy for you! 💜

Excellent. Stay with him. Connection is what really matters..I don’t care how you call it. The most elusive thing to get with these dates is connection in my view. Give it a good chance!

A guy working for “ intelligence “ or for himself …major alarm bell. Thanks for posting this! I’m really curious about this con man!!

@hotnakedgelato …Everything is off the scales, including the sex, which is amazingly emotionally connected… to me this is the key, it means there is love here here. Being amazingly emotionally connected is being in love in my book. If the sex is amazing …this is pure LOVE.
Enjoy a lot and do not overthink because there’s nothing to think about and much to feel and experience. Congrats 🥳

Of course, I did post elsewhere but it was removed. Presumably too ‘outing’ for him 😑. It’s is becoming an all too common problem. I wasn't affected other than it has stung badly but other factors indicate it could have hurtled towards a very dangerous association and I would not wish this for another woman. To be honest who knows really what he was about but there are facts available and unless you are able to be as hard nosed as I was please make sure you know who you are getting involved with. You are welcome to DM.

hi all. I dropped off the thread for a while, but I’m back now.

well, the date didn’t happen. Mr C asked for my availability, I told him and suggested a venue and he never got back to me. I’ve unmatched him now.

I actually think it’s a good thing FWIW because I don’t think I’d be good company at the moment. I’m just in a really bad way at the moment so I’ve paused my apps for now.

I don’t know when I’ll be able to look again because things are just so uncertain right now.

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

im sorry to hear that lovely . Is the fibro playing up . Constant pain is just , very very heavy
sending spoons your way

I’m somewhat disenchanted today . I’m reading some lovely updates (Eesha , gelato ) and I’m not feeling that much love and support from my FWB right now

and nor should as we are FWB ! But things have got very blurry

i think I’m holding on as want to have hot sex when boys away

but some days I wonder if I’m selling myself a bit short . I’ve got a lot to offer a man I think

Flipfps

look after yourself
this thread is a fairly hard nosed and scarred bunch
most happening here is some ghosting or shit dates

but I’m ever so sorry this happened to you x

@Thisisworsethananticpated I am sure that you do have a lot to offer! Don't ever sell yourself short - you deserve someone who can offer real, steady love. (I know how hard it can be though).

Of course you have a lot to offer! I think FWB is hard if there’s even a tinge of blurriness and we have to really check in with ourselves about whether we’re pretending it’s fine when actually we’re in a constant holding pattern of faint rejection.

I argued back with a friend recently who claimed that if I accepted FWB with MrM it would damage my self-esteem and send a constant reinforcing message that I’m “not enough” by saying “but that wouldn’t be the case as MrM has made it clear it’s not that I’m lacking in any way, it’s just that he doesn’t DO strong feelings or commitment. However, I think she is right (and my therapist annoyingly said the same thing, entirely separately). By choosing to remain in a loop with someone who isn’t giving, or can’t, or won’t, give you what you desire deep down - we are continuing a pattern of denial and withholding.

@hotnakedgelato your update is marvellous. So happy to hear and the mutual friend stuff is great too!

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you ❤️ That’s so sweet of you 😘 yes, it’s the fibro again. My mental health has slipped a bit as well and I’ve been put on diazepam.

of course you have a lot to offer! You sound like a fantastic person 💕

I’m really happy for everyone on here who is flourishing romantically at the moment. It’s just going to take me some time 😘

Hey all, great weekend with Mr Blue and he took me out for my birthday. Honestly it was so perfect and we had a whale of a time.

I really feel like I need to get trim though, my birthday has to be a turning point. Not huge but bigger than I should be. Herbalife here I come!

@hotnakedgelato what a lovely update. So happy for you!! 🥹🥹

@ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers sorry youre struggling at the minute 😢 really hope the meds kick in and make things a bit more bearable. 💗

@Thisisworsethananticpated what’s brought the feeling on… is it not feeling like enough? Do you want a bit more dating with him, you deserve to be treated like a queen.

happy belated birthday @Eesha hope it was a fab one!! 🎂🥂💖

Nothing to update from me, though I’m focussing my crush feelings onto a gym guy who is loads more friendly than turk ever was but there’s nothing to read into, he’s just a friendly guy. Getting a few quotes to see how affordable it will be to get my pond idea put in… if there’s no princes to be found, at least ill have lots of adorable frogs! 🐸 💚💚

ICrunchCrispsNotNumbers

im sorry. I’d bossily say that NO dating is allowed
for you right now

get your mental and physical health on track
I know it’s tempting but NO
look after yourself x

Thanks everyone
ButterflyOfShay
I don’t know but some family stuff has come up and it’s triggered a lot of
emotions

but I’m reading some lovely posts here and I’m like ‘I want that ‘ . I want someone to treat me like a queen . Actually .

so im Entering my woman cave for a while to have a think 🤔