Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Mila14
I think finding someone that’s a fit isn’t easy !
but the more you date , you will find out what fits

so your ex wasn’t your ex husband , but a fling post divorce ?

@Eesha He seems a very open person, admittedly too open and upfront too soon, family is important for me in a relationship too so I'm not sure it would work. Enjoy your date.
@ibelieveinmirrorballs no news a bit ashamed of his family, it does seem a bit judgemental of me and I am struggling with it but I also think it's that he's too nice and has been too keen and talking about the future too which has put me off a little.
@Thisisworsethananticpated Yeah I know and thank you.

I've said I don't really see it going anywhere, he suggested casual, I'm going round to his Sunday as we both really fancy each other so maybe FWB which would suit me for now

Lollysticks12

he suggested casual ! I bet he did 🤣
it can work
just don’t get too embroiled and manage boundaries
and enjoy 😉

Yes , Mr Ex is my boyfriend right after separation. I was with him straight from my separation, divorce and we’ve been on and off after a separation June last year. He’s got a lot of problems to sort out and it affected our relationship in a detrimental way. We meet from time to time to chat and eat out.
I tend to only date fully divorced or living in separate homes. It’s a lot of drama otherwise and I don’t need that
i want a normal relationship with someone I can introduce to my family and my world.
I think I will see Mr Golf again and take it slow as he’s a good iron and in many respects what I’m looking for but … I keep iron search open
Mr Golf is totally smitten… I can tell. No ifs no bits. He’s trying not to overwhelm me but the nature of his messages is he can’t stop thinking about me and is looking forward to our next date
I haven’t figured out 2nd date but I’m not in a hurry
I may take a break of all this in summer period. I’m taking holidays with kids and visiting my family and I want to chill out and travel a bit
My life and that of my kids is very organized and quite comfortable. I want 0 drama from a man. Teenagers growing is enough drama

@Lollysticks12 … I totally understand your point. It would be an issue for me too. I do think family and life set up in general are key for a long term relationship.
My question is with the time we have available, how do you go about having an FWB relationship and finding someone on the side you want to have a love relationship with ? It looks too complicated for me.
@ibelieveinmirrorballs ... I would find it too complicated to date someone co habitating with the wife and kids. I think I would need to know his plans to fully separate and at least live in his own place. Tread carefully. Give yourself a wonderful party in your milestone time of life 😘
@Eesha … you and your lovely man will end up eating fruit and salad if you both keep baking so much 😂😂. Enjoy a lovely date

@Lollysticks12 I don't think an irons family would bother me too much as long as he's not completely wrapped up in a dysfunctional family but I'm someone that would hate to be judged on a few black sheep in my family and also someone who went on a date with a guy who admitted his mom had served time for killing his dad when he was younger after an abusive relationship and it didn't put me off 🤷‍♀️ but I'm not really a people person so wouldn't be pushing to be entwined into anybodys lives/family. I saw Mr Mason for 7 months and managed to avoid meeting anyone connected to him 🤦‍♀️😆

@ibelieveinmirrorballs his living situation would put me off unless I was only looking for casual and didn't want it to go anywhere. If I did want a future I'd be concerned about the point he'd have to move out to make that possible as I'd automatically be the baddie to the kids and the ex taking dad away. Also, does it mean you always have to host?

@Lollysticks12 I think the same as @Slothmomma that as long as a person has good boundaries their family shouldn't affect how you see someone.

One of Mr K's brother is an alcoholic, the other is single but shags around with no commitment, has a child who is now in care and he won't change his life to accommodate her so she'll be adopted ☹
Mr K is the complete opposite and has his son loads so finds the situation tough but as a result his relationship with his brother is fractured.

I wouldn't judge Mr K based on his brothers and I hope he wouldn't judge my family.

One of my brothers was a tearaway as a teenager and had a huge police record but has now turned his life around, one brother goes to raves and partakes of what's on offer.
I was a teenage mum, I would hate to think someone would judge my family based on me having a child young.

At the end of the day you have to do what feels right for you.

Ok so fb dating was chronic so I've moved on to Bumble last time I was on bumble I didn't get one single match.

All they wanted was for me to pay likes. No thanks. I'd already have swiped right if I liked them!

The same is happening this time!!

I'm no beauty but I'm not ugly and I've swiped right way more than I normally would to test it!

Is it me 😳 I don't want to put a face pic on here but honestly I'm just your average woman! I do get "hit on" but I wonder what bumble's MO is?

@Mila14 yes it would be almost impossible so I'm just going to see how Sunday goes and just do FWB without looking for anything else.
@Thisisworsethananticpated 🤣 he's been such a gentleman so far I was wondering what was going on but now it's all coming out and it will be good to blow the cobwebs away 🤣
@Slothmomma @SortingItOut you could be right it probably shouldn't be an issue but I've been in a similar situation before and I found it difficult but I suppose every situation is different so probably won't right him off just yet

@Neu …Don’t worry you will get likes too and have conversations and meet people. I’m not sure how the unpaid version works?? I have a normal subscription and don’t pay extra for likes etc. I think the more discerning and picky you are, the harder it is. I think we need patience 😊

@Mila14 but every other dating site is like a shark pool 😂 this is odd!
I don't pay? Not sure what you get extra when you do?

Neu, I don’t know what you get from non paying Bumble. Can you pick set your preferences? Can you send messages etc? I don’t really know…check what you are able to do without subscription. I only use Bumble. I was once or twice in Match and had to close my account within days. I opened tinder and lasted less than a day. Bumble is stress free and I pick 😊

@Mila14 yes can send messages etc I've used it once before 2+ years ago and matched immediately and I've always been picky 😂
Just seemed curious that last time too it was extremely slow and then they kept asking me to pay to see likes. No thanks. I've already swiped left on most of them!

I'm not bothered about height etc as I can choose from their profiles.

@Neu I'm using bumble too and think I have only swiped right on 4 people in total on there - 2 were matches and unmatched when I messaged (so assume they were ego boost matches who syphon after match), 1 didn't reply after about 15 hours so I just unmatched and currently have one match who ill unmatch later if nothing back from him. It's slim pickings on there this time for me

Neu
i used hinge
didn’t pay 💰
it limited the number per day a bit but it’s very simple
you see who likes you
and people you like can see you
I found it the best
but London … which biases the traffic

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I haven’t used hinge because it’s supposed to be for under 30s?? Also I don’t want to link my Instagram or my Facebook ( I don’t use any of them )… how did it work from you?? I’m in London too

No ! Im
late 40s
loads in my age range
and haven’t linked any accounts
jesus no

It worked out pretty well for me
best one yet

I'm on Bumble and Okaycupid. Most matches on Bumble but not all of them reply and of those that do many don't respond again after the initial message. I had very few matches on Hinge so deleted it. I have found so many of them don't ever plan to meet. They just want to talk.

@Thisisworsethananticpated … I just in enrolled in Hinge ! I’ve got a guy I’m chatting to. Not yet an iron but looks good ! Mr Hinge 😂😂😂

Mila14
you don’t let the dust settle under your feet 😂

That took precisely three hours 😂

😂😂😂…I think I need more irons to choose from. Mr Golf keeps messaging but I’m not feeling it really…

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I lived with my ex for a few years after splitting. For the DC and for financial reasons. I had a three month thing and a year long RS in that time. My ex knew, the problem was I didn't want the DC to know so I snuck out after they were in bed or said I was meeting a friend. It was exhausting. But it wasn't an emotional issue, as I would never in a million years get back with him. I wanted to get away but as he earns nothing we couldn't just live in two houses so were stuck in one for a long time. Our arrangement now is far from ideal but at least I have every other week child free. I haven't had any kind of relationship in that time of course, despite my new found freedom. I wouldn't worry about your iron's situation as it sounds like a practical arrangement only and it provides stability for the DC.

@neu I wouldn't dream of paying for Bumble. As you say, if you like them and they've liked you, you'll match. If you don't like them, what does it matter if they liked you?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I think @WeWantTheFinestWines also made an interesting point in her situation, that her ex made next to nothing hence couldn't move out. I went on a date with an actor and he earned pittance but lived with his ex. I could just foresee this would never change. Its different if there were plans in place but sounds like your iron is just in an awkward situation yet wants to see what's out there dating wise.