Dating thread 230: Summer shenanigans!

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Back from date with Mr big hands ( formerly mr Golf) we will call him. He’s like a rugged middle years Clint Eastwood with less hair !
he brought me home after dinner and a complete gentleman
I’m not crazy about him but I’m going to have a second date with him
He was superb company and he’s fit too. I really don’t know what I want …

I think I’m finding it so difficult because my ex boyfriend was drop dead handsome but Mr Big hands is 6’2” and quite handsome too. I’m really amazed i am not head over heels but I’m not…I really really do not know yet what is it I’m looking for

@Stepcount thank you. Yes you are right about busy lives and commitments and I sometimes need to remind myself of that. Right now we are both enjoying this and hopefully will continue to.

Excellent @LuckyLinda3 … it really looks like you found the right Mr for you! Don’t overthink and enjoy ! The fact that he takes you to a wedding as a significant other, sounds this is very serious for him too…

@Mila14 I think this is the danger of putting too much stock on standard definition good looks and physical attributes - I mean, they’re a nice bonus, but have never had a situation where they’ve actually created that kind of sexy chemistry you get with the right person. Not to say you should write Mr Golf off yet - just don’t sweat the fact that he’s tall and handsome aren’t enough on their own!

Mila14

chemistry is a mysterious thing
why we have for some people …
and not for others who might seem ok on paper

got to kiss a lot of frogs
but if you don’t fancy him … next

how long have you been single for ?

Ive been single for about a year … but there was a lot of stuff to get sorted in this year personally and asset selling 4 years after divorce so I needed time to myself. I had a short interlude back with ex February to April so really…very short time !
I just don’t know what I want. Mr Golf is totally ok and my type … but I feel I need a second date to see what happens… He has the exact same car as my ex 🙄… and in a funny way he resembles my ex !!! I think the big difference is Mr Golf is very respectful and careful about handling me but I liked him more than I was expecting
The thing that throws me off is that he’s too eager ?? And too serious??? But I this is something I appreciate too… I was very very cold though.., I don’t know why ???

Thanks @Mila14. I have struggled with my own insecurities and it was a massive step to allow myself to feel the way i do but he has showed great patience and hasn't given me any reason to doubt him. Now I just need to roll with it and enjoy it.

So, I’d provisionally agreed a couple of “date zero’s” this weekend, was just waiting on them letting me know availability. Now both seem to have gone totally silent. Really annoying.

I think while there has to be a physical attraction, sometimes we need to look past the traditional. For you that’s the “tall and handsome”, for us blokes, possibly slim, blonde.

I say that as a short, average looking bloke…

We brought forward our 3rd date to tonight, I really like him and fancy him but I just know it wouldn't work long term, he was telling me about his druggy brother and his sister with 7 children and I just don't think his family would fit with mine, he is really keen, almost too keen, I feel bad and a bit gutted but I'll have to say something, I just don't know what yet

@Lollysticks12 I wonder if he's aware that his family dynamic could be off-putting. I mean why would he share that? It would put me off unless the person showed me he was completely different. Personally I've learnt the hard way that families can impact your relationship hugely. Had I known how awful my mother in law was/is to her entire family, I would have thought twice! Life is so much easier if you all get on!

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Seeing Mr Blue at some point and this time I'm catering!!! Arghhhhh!!!

A lot for me would depend on his attitude towards his family - there’s nothing he can do about having a druggy sibling and it’s unfair to judge someone for that, unless he’s sat there saying how brilliant that lifestyle is..

Have a great date today @Eesha ! What are you making… is it lunch/dinner at yours? How did your health kick fare under MrBlue’s penchant for baking?! I’m an absolute sucker for freshly baked goods… cannot resist ever.

I had a slight panic yesterday about MrNice’s living situation - he separated last year but cohabits and coparents amicably with his ex. I have no reason to doubt any of it and he seems/the situation seems absolutely drama free. I am not looking to move in with anyone but have been hesitant since the start just for this unconventional set up. They have no plans to change things as it works for the kids, but he says who knows how things will unfold. We had a good chat about it - it’s such early days but I think I’m a bit scarred by previous “here for a relationship but not really here for a relationship” trajectories with irons. He is very clear that he wants a meaningful loving relationship with someone and does seem open and able to discuss feelings. We’ll see how next weekend goes. Party day today, tons to do, house and garden has never looked so primped!

@ibelieveinmirrorballs To be honest, this week has been manic with sick kids and I've been overeating! Mr Blue makes cookies, cakes and sandwiches (even the bread is from scratch!). I'm going with more traditional cultural food today, both homemade and a few bought in, plus chocolate banana nut loaf. Prepping this morning.

Mr Blue initially had that set up but it was impacting the children adversely as they saw their parents living separate lives and just being civil. Luckily he could afford to buy somewhere new but most couldn't. Truthfully I don't think I would date anyone if they had no plans to move.

Yes I have had similar reservations. I don’t think the children in his case are adversely affected as the two of them are friendly rather than civil. They holiday separately with the kids etc - I can’t help but think it’s a little naive to think it’s good for the children but if there’s no drama, good cooperation, and clear boundaries I don’t know..? He is open to things changing but there are no plans. They could afford to have separate places but I think as there are school fees etc involved it would mean a downshift. I will discuss it with him next weekend. @WeWantTheFinestWines I know you’ve cohabited post split for a while - what do you think..? Am I being naive..?

@ibelieveinmirrorballs hope you have the best day! And the weather and everything is lovely for it! I think the fact he created that gift for you is a big sign he’s a generous thoughtful person, he sounds completely well meaning and genuine.
@Eesha have a lovely date too and @LuckyLinda3 glad to hear you're back on an even keel!

Have a lovely weekend everyone 💛💖🤍🧡💚

Thank you @ButterflyOfShay ! Sitting here posting on MN rather than getting on with the prep 🤪

How are you feeling this morning, you sound cheerier..? 💗

@ibelieveinmirrorballs honestly I don’t think it sounds great for the kids. Mum and Dad who were once in love and together now not, but still living together? It’s kind of weird and would just be confusing. Mine split when I was 6 and my dad was heartbroken, took him years to get over mother leaving him, I couldn’t imagine them living together!! Guess if there’s no feelings left though it would be different, still a kind of odd example for the kids to grow up watching?? I guess financially these days its bloody hard though.

I’m loads better thanks sweetie! All good in the hood now after one flat day. Your day sounds like its’s going to be brilliant!! 🥰🥰 I can’t remember if you said it’s your birthday this weekend? But if so Happy Birthday too 💕🎂🥂💘🎀🎉🎁🌞💐 xxx

Thank you! ❤️ Great to hear you’re feeling better.. it’s good to ride that wave, feel the feelings, and then move forwards..

Yes it’s hard to think that in the long term it’s the right course of action. But also hard to think that by moving you’d cause other massive changes to their settled lives. In a way it’s easier when there’s bad feeling between the two of you because you know you need to shield kids from that.

@Eesha one last post from me before I must crack on but wanted to say hope all goes well, food sounds amazing and sorry to hear the DC have been ill this week. As a single parent working ft I find those extra stresses push me to the very edge sometimes!

ibelieveinmirrorballs

have a special happy milestone weekend !!!

Via a vis the cohabiting
I have the other end of the scale as Balkan split was NOT amicable , so he’s living in a house share which he isn’t mega happy about

im managing quite well on the boundary management still , he had a horrible to do around kids yesterday . I’m sending sympathy but keeping well out of it

it’s hard as im so used to the English system , family law and mediation
so I think things can be fixed

that said I stayed in a horrible situation for way too long , and I’m living with my sons poor
mental health as a result

relationships and people are complex

Lollysticks12

ah , his family isn’t his fault !

but , no one has to date someone they don’t like or don’t feel right about
so if it’s a red flag 🚩 for you that’s ok