Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

This thread really is going to bring all the 'I shower three times a day' freaks to the yard.

This.

I think it’s gross to be out about all day and riding public transport especially and not shower before getting in bed. I actually would expect someone to shower in that case. The hair washing was a little too much tho.

As long as he meant what he said and genuinely didn't want his clean sheets having the smell of that day on them and he showered too then he's perfectly fine with his request but his habits or preferences aren't really the issue... The issue is are you willing to continue when you are clearly feeling sad and unhappy by it. You don't accept behaviours reasonable or not that make you unhappy or uncomfortable regardless of another person's legitimate reason, they are his issues and his concerns and can you honestly tell me that you don't feel sad when this issue comes up, either talk about this and say it makes you uncomfortable and it hurts your feelings with the hope he listens. life's full of regrets if you let it, do you really want someone making you sad and uncomfortable at night before closing your eyes instead of feeling accepted and peaceful? Talk to him and if he doesn't understand or compromise to how you feel, then it means there will bemore unhappy nights in the future, with this knowledge you can make a clear choice of what you want.
What I said is not what you should do that is for you to decide nobody else but my personal opinion "and I'm just a random" is if you can't be happy being who you are and he isn't bending to who you are fully and btw I don't believe in compromise, to me you accept another person or you don't because happiness doesn't come in the guise of compromising who you are and you have to understand if you are sad or having your feelings trampled by his personality it won't only be you who is hurt your partner will be too when he finally realises that his legitimate behaviour and understandable behaviour "even if it is eccentric" is likely to leave him single for a long time, if you stay for whatever reason and it makes you sad every time it's inevitable you will snap and leave, I think it's better to talk directly and openly and do not compromise yourself in negotiations and if he can't bend his expectations of you "he doesn't have to bend his own behaviour that's his choice to shower every time and that's okay, if you can accept that" if he doesn't remove his expectations of you then i recommend you leave because you will regret staying with someone who can't accept you for who you are when I can guarantee that there is someone out there that would.

Unfortunately it's not my place to find your ideal other, sorry I'm not great with jokes lol but if you genuinely want to be happy in life it can't be achieved with another person that won't accept the real you and it will only lead to resentment a sadness if another person wants you to conform to thier idea of you.

I don't expect you to take what I said to heart but I hope it gives you something to think about and if what I said helps you somehow prioritize your own happiness before worrying about someone who went out of thier way to make you uncomfortable intentionally with thier ideas of how you should behave then my clearly long comment was worth it.

Twice a day. I always have a shower before I get into bed but I wash my hair in the morning.

@pawpatrol1 Read back what you’ve written. What is it, a fascist dictatorship? No! It’s a relationship. Of course it can be discussed!!

Good grief.

It already has.

MN is a whole 'nother world.

I could not be in this relationship, he sounds a bit uptight.

What are you banging on about?

I'm a 'peach' because I understand that some people have cultural habits around being clean for bed and not wearing dirty outside clothes on their sofa?

This man clearly has some hygiene anxiety and it’s already impacting your life, imagine how this could escalate. You could bring it up and see if he understands its a problem and is willing to work on it, if not I think leave him to his sterilised sheets.

The tube is so dirty that you literally end up with black snot in your nose. Do you not know what that is?

It really is.

Not only is it full of ableists, it's also full of white Brits who think their hygiene habits are the norm and anyone else is wrong.

Guess we haven't moved on from colonial times.

I mean, I wear clothes so I don’t see the need to wash my body, which had clothes covering it, before getting into new clean clothes, and getting into bed. I wash my face and hands before bed, i’d shower if I’d been hot and sweaty, which is rare.

each to their own but I don’t shower on command. I certainly wouldn’t be washing my hair! I don’t even do that every morning!

For some reason people are trying to make this a feminist/sexist/misogynist/control issue just because a man asked a woman to respect his home. He didn't drag her into the shower. 🙄

This is exactly me am so funny with sitting on my bed if Iv been to the gym , I change into my jammies if I want to sit on my bed I hate dirt being transferred into my bed am also funny with letting my friend come over as she will sit on my bed (I stay with parents and she uses public transport)

Geesus some of you are weird, as I said not even people who live in New York City (far worse than London) bother about showering before the touch the bedsheets.

lol , I did but trust me it was seriously hot today and even my 24 hour active roll on was struggling to do the job.🤣

Maybe he didn't drag her to the shower but he did issue a demand and ultimatum (and subsequent sulking) - it's more about his attitude than his request itself.

I think the main thing for the OP is to distinguish whether partner might be OCD or if he is just 'highly strung'.

The other thing of note is his subsequent behaviour and how openly annoyed/moody he was at your pushback - whilst not concrete, there is a chance that his annoyance stems from you not 'complying'. At the end of the day, he will probably want you to conform to his behaviours and it's up to you a) whether you do and b) if you don't, will he just become passive aggressive.

Its a bit much though isn’t it. Why can’t he be respectful of his girlfriend. It’s much more disrespectful to tell someone to wash their already washed and styled hair or sleep elsewhere.

Yes, yes! So much this!

I don't think there's anything wrong with that particular request but is there a bigger picture? Is he quite controlling? Does he tell you what to do often? What's he like if you don't want to?
If he's fine and lovely but just likes fresh people in his fresh bed, then no problem.

Yes I forgot to mention Asia too actually. Never knew about Spain tho, that’s interesting! I guess it’s just a culture thing. It definitely isn’t English/British culture to do so

And what? It's his home. He doesn't want unwashed bodies in his clean bed. He asked her to shower or sleep in the other room. Her choice.

If the OP wants to smoke in his house is he not allowed to say "go outside"? Or if the OP wants to put her feet up on the furniture is he not allowed to say "take your shoes off first"?

What’s ‘good grief’ about that?? Sounds perfectly normal to me