Boyfriend made me shower before bed.

[SilentG1]

Not sure what to think of this one.
We spent the day out in the city and got in at 10pm or so. I was staying at his and when we got home he told me that I couldn't sleep in his bed unless I showered and washed my hair as he had clean sheets and we had been on the tube/ public transport etc and it was disgusting to go to bed without washing after being out in town all day.
I washed and styled my hair that morning only 12 hours before! I have long boob length hair that takes bloody ages to dry and style and once I've done this I don't usually go through the hassle of washing it again for another few days!
When I told him this he said I would therefore have to sleep in his spare room!
In the end he "let" me stay in his bed as long as I showered even if hair wasn't washed.
Is this controlling or reasonable if its his place, therefore being able to dictate?

Oh Lord, not the ‘I shower every 3/4 days’ comments. I’m out🚶‍♀️

What's with all the filthy London remarks? Ever been in a farmyard?

You can't appreciate the joy of a nice clean bed if you're getting into it with your smoggy, sweaty body.

Showering I think is reasonable, changing day clothes just to sit on the sofa isn't reasonable (presuming you are not a farmer, mechanic or such like) but washing your hair again when you had washed it that morning, no, unless you are covered in hair spray or the like in which case my sinuses wouldn't cope...

Why are some people so against showering before bed? We bathe our kids before bedtime don't we? It makes no sense to get into bed grubby.

If you've ever wiped your face with a tissue after spending the day in london on and off tubes you will know it's black. This gets in your hair too.

Just wash and go to bed clean and fresh! He's not being 'controlling', he's being clean!!

I don’t think it’s controlling or OCD or whatever. London is fucking disgusting. The air is polluted, the tube is sweaty and the air in it smells. People are close to eachother. When me and dh used to commute into London, we always had a shower before bed because London is dirty. Now that we are over a hundred miles away, going in a car to work and then to bed without showering is perfectly acceptable.

No one is wrong here. You can choose to shower as often as you like. He can choose who he lets in his bed. But you are not compatible, so break up

My vagina would literally seal itself shut in the presence of such a prissy, highly strung fool.

Not attractive

get rid OP

Yes agree the black stuff that comes out with snot after being in London is also in your hair. I had forgotten that joy.

I don't like people in my bed if they haven't showered ... gross ! 😂🤣

But I let the dog on the bed .. not inside it though

If he was that bothered, he could have just changed the bedding again the next day. Seems like he was more bothered about the increased laundry than your feelings and I couldn't put up with that.
The only time I would accept a man telling me to get in the shower is if he is going to join me or giving me the heads up that he is going to go down on me for hours as he knows I like to feel clean in order to relax and enjoy it fully.
I wouldn't really find the situation you describe as overtly controlling (unless there are other behaviours too,) but I would say it doesn't sound like you are compatible.

@NeverDropYourMooncup read the first three words of what you quoted again…

It wasn’t today

If it's gross not to wash your skin, why isn't it also gross not to wash your hair? I don't get the logic. Surely hair has ways of holding onto grime that skin doesn't, and vice versa? OP's hair will have been sweeping the headrests of London public transport all day long.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't necessarily even be showering before bed, but I don't get the hair/skin distinction of those who would insist on washing the skin.

I’m in London and it was absolutely boiling today and still very warm now and I had a shower and washed my hair this morning but by the time I got in at 7 pm I was just sweating and to be honest smelt a bit 😥so I got a quick shower then but to be honest I always get a shower or bath before bed but today I had it earlier.

My daughter is 12 and she showers every evening before bed, in my opinion it helps you sleep better.

@ticktickticktickBOOM

I don’t bathe my kid every day, no

I don’t wash my hair every day either. Who’s got time for that?! If I did that I’d have no time for the gym or for a run or just to chill out and watch love island or whatever. That stuff is more important to me than having freshly washed hair every day.

Fuck that. Life is too short.

I do this. No shoes indoors and outside clothes should be removed immediately upon returning home. When guests are around, they know my rules. In some cases, I’ll put a throw on the sofa and wash afterwards.

It may seem strange but in our house, that’s the way we roll.

@avamiah

did you forget to spray your antiperspirant this morning?

Throw this one back, he is pushing your boundaries to see how far he can go. The moody pissed off stuff is a punishment for not washing your hair, next time you have a day out there will probably be a comment along the lines of "dont wash your hair first, so there's no excuse when we get home...." and you will remember the sulking and probably do as he asks in order to avoid. And that my darling is how the abuse cycle starts......

Seriously, get rid.

I would have had a shower personally (without being told to!) But something about this whole thing is a bit off. He does sound odd and controlling and weird. I would be ditching him sorry @SilentG1 He will only get worse. Imagine another 50-60 years of this?

Why @Why2why just why?

Don’t you feel embarrassed about implicitly calling your guests dirty? And just generally being at odds with the vast majority of people? What are you actually afraid of?

Sounds obsessive about hygiene. I'd get shot of him. They make other people's lives a misery.

What a fucking weirdo. That level of controlling behaviour is a big fat red flag.

Mate, go to bed with your girlfriend and change your sheets tomorrow 🙄

I'd run a mile.

I never once said 'every day'. But if you spent a whole day till 10pm in London and on tubes your going to be filthy and you should wash. Simple as that.

Whether or not you smelled/had London on you/he has a germ phobia/his sheets were clean etc etc... NO ONE should tell you what to do with your body.
No one.